Such a pity OP. I hate to spoil it with the usual crap.
I am disappointed by the lack of a bizarre hypothetical, and I am hereby talking about it with the entire Internet.
I am sending a Taye Diggs model hookerbot over with three varieties of cheesecake, both hot and cold tea, and assorted alcoholic beverages; his orders are to comfort you however you choose.
What kind of emotional upset? If I’m pissed off or irritated, then yes, I’m going to bitch in the general direction of anyone present. If I’m sad, then I probably want some time alone and I pretty much won’t ever talk about it.
Sometimes I want to talk about it, and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I brood, and sometimes I get over it right away. Some people I will talk to, other I won’t.
I’m fortunate to have a new friend that I can really open up to. I would trust her with anything.
That would be “sometimes I want to talk about it,” I think.
If I’m very upset about something, I generally need some time alone first to react emotionally (cry or whatever), sort through how I feel and mentally put it into words, think of options for how I could handle it, etc. Once I’ve gotten to that point, then some of the time I’ll feel that it’s worth voicing my problems to people and getting their reaction, and some of the time I’ll just do whatever I feel is the best course of action without consulting anyone.
It’s a small list of people I’d go to, though. I hate having to explain background info in detail, so I tend to rely on people (immediate family, a few close friends) who know me really well if I need feedback on something.
I hovered between “sometimes want to talk about it” and “frequently want to talk about it”. Frequently feels like too strong a word, but it was just below “usually”, so that’s what I went with (this is me wildly overanalyzing the poll options, but hey, isn’t it nice to know someone cares?).
I defined “emotional upset” as something more severe than a hangnail, so there’s only a small group of people with whom I would discuss such an issue, and only at a time of my choosing. I generally don’t like to be “confronted” with an “Are you ok?”-type question, I’d rather seek someone out when I’m ready to talk.
No, get the fuck away from me. I mean goddamn everybody. Yes, even if you don’t think I mean you, I do! (not *you *you, of course, the general you)
I can’t make any decisions until I get past the phase of emotional bullshittery and on to the logical phase. Until I’m ready to make decisions, I would rather shed tears and whine (and maybe eat ice cream, if it’s bad enough) in the privacy of my bedroom with music blasting. Once I’m firmly entrenched in logical territory, I will come out and ask for your advice. Until then, stay fucked off! Pretty please
That’ll do, very nicely. I am Soothed.
I voted “sometimes” even though the answer is more like “rarely”. The worse I feel, the less I want to talk about it, and when my mom died, I really, really, really did not want all the hugs my friends and family routinely gave out. I’m a woman, but I’m obviously emotionally retarded (disturbed?) in some way.
My primary means of self-soothing (now that food is no longer an option) is talking about it. It doesn’t really matter to whom, the only requirement it that it be an actual voice communication – either in person or on the phone. Texting or posting online doesn’t work. Talking about what is bothering me is the simplest, surest way for me to resolve my problems.
I’m a communicator. I’m good at it. And I try to keep the air clear.
Female. I wished there was a “rarely want to talk about it” option. I almost never want to talk about it, but every so often I do, so I couldn’t pick never.
Usually if it’s really bad…like someone I love just died…I do NOT want to talk about it. There’s just nothing to talk about. Something bad just happened. I feel bad. The badness I feel is quite bad. It is not relieved or altered by talking.
It took me a long time to actually figure this out as I was raised in a house and culture where “You’ll feel better if you talk about it” was a known truth.
But I’m 42 and have now lived though some Really Bad Stuff and I know for sure that if I talk about it I’ll just feel worse, in fact, I’ll feel like I’m acting out a scene of how people are supposed to act when they feel bad.
And what about you Skald?
Having had 40 years of therapy, I almost have a compulsion to talk about whatever is upsetting me, but I stop myself. No one really wants to hear it & I’ve said it all before. In fact in therapy today, I just sat there not saying anything for most of the session. If I can I will eat something, like right now I would love something cheesy, meaty & gooey but I have no money so it will have to wait.
Yes, I do. Not only does nobody want to hear it, the more they know you’re hurting the sicker they are of you.
Basically, it’s a good rule of life: the more help you need, the less you’ll get.
Given how vague the question was, I answered yes to all. It really depends on the specifics.
This, most of the time. It took me a while to realize that my complete and total inability to comfort someone who has just had a really shitty experience is probably due to the fact that I can’t imagine that anything will help.
For minorly shitty things, I have the ‘Let’s fix it!’ reaction, which apparantly isn’t what people want when they’re bitching about something. I actually lost one female friend that way, lol. I laugh because it was fine with me, as we didn’t seem to have much in common besides her complaining about her life and my trying to help her fix it.
I don’t often get embroiled in emotionally upsetting events. If it was a death I probably wouldn’t talk about it with anyone, but if it was an issue that needed straightening out before I could move past it, I would definitely need someone to talk to. I only have a few people in my life available to me, so that’s who I’d choose to talk to about it, family probably the priority choice.
I have had a few occasions in my life where I’ve had a Psychologist’s ear. It is very cathartic, so that is an option I’d take seriously. Generally, though, I have usually sorted things out with minimal guidance.
After seeing his response to Maggie’s distress, I may have to add Skald to my list of people I want to talk to when I’m upset.