I woke up this morning to the sounds of rain pouring down on my roof. An old nursery rhyme popped into my head:
It’s raining, it’s pouring.
The old man is snoring.
He went to bed and bumped his head
And he couldn’t get up in the morning.
Here is my subsequent train of thought:
If an old guy can’t get up after hitting his head then he at least has a bad concussion. Could he have an epidural bleed? Not likely because he’s still alive, as evidenced by the snoring. Maybe he has a subdural hematoma? It’s a little early in the time course but it’s possible. Seriously, why haven’t these people called an ambulance??? You’ve got an elderly man with decreased responsiveness and generalized weakness. Also, he’s snoring. Maybe he has sleep apnea. Maybe he’s just too sleepy to get up. Has he had a polysomnogram? Also, who hits their head after going to bed? Is he ataxic? Does he have a wooden headboard? Should we have occupational therapy go into the home to do a safety assessment? Overall, it seems like he needs both urgent attention and a higher level of care. Perhaps he would be a good candidate for Assisted Living?
He’s a good candidate for a hearse. The snoring isn’t typical, or it wouldn’t have been mentioned. He’s unresponsive with agonal breathing, and he’s in arrest. Get him on the floor (causing another shock to his head) and start compressions now. If there is an epidural bleed (there probably isn’t, but if there is) the compressions will make it worse. But the agonal breathing isn’t a symptom of the bleed, it’s a symptom of respiratory arrest, and if you don’t start moving some O2-laden blood around, he’s gone anyway.
It’s apparent to me that because the weather was so bad, he and Mrs. Old Man decided to stay home. A bottle of wine later, they traipsed off to the bedroom for a little horizontal bop. Unfortunately, he got a little too rambunctious and smacked his noggin on the headboard, rendering him unconscious and frustrating the Missus. In the morning, she tried to get the job finished but the old man’s hangover and dented head would not allow him to “get up”. See how easy that was?
Now explain the anorexic Jack Sprat and that cow he’s married to.
Am I the only person who was taught the line is “He went to bed with a bug in his head and couldn’t get up in the morning?”
I distinctly remember as a child asking how a “bug” got into his head and my mom explained to me that it was a slang term for a cold. As a kid it sort of horrified me to think of a bug running around the inside of someones skull. I was a literal child.
Related to her weight, too, but we don’t have enough information about the old guy to know whether his snoring is or is not related to his weight. Is there another stanza which might provide this datapoint?
I also learned, “bumped his head and he went to bed…”
In other news,
Jack & Jill went up the hill
They each had a buck and a quarter.
Jill came down with two and a half.
Did you think they went up for water?
I once read a book about the origins of Nusery Rhymes, and his conclusion for every single one of them, including ones with clear histories like Grand Old Duke Of York, and Humpty Dumpty, were about sex.