Here’s the sitch. In this scenario, you’ve been best friends with Michelle Obama your entire adult life, though not so much with Barack. It’s not that you dislike him on a personal level; it’s just that you’ and Michelle are really close. One day you and Michelle are visiting when she tells you that, in the past two years or so, she’s grown increasingly disenchanted with her marriage. Barack hasn’t cheated or done anything wrong; they’ve just grown apart. She’s been seeing a therapist for over a year, but it hasn’t helped; she can no longer imagine ever being happy with Barack again. Nonetheless she hesitates to leave him, because she still supports his political positions and knows that even public knowledge of their separation, much less a divorce, would be a huge distraction to his conduct of his office.
Seeing how truly, utterly miserable Michelle is–knowing how difficult it is for her to pretend publicly to leave Barack–would you rather she stay for the good of the administration?
I’d want her to divorce as discreetly as possible. That decision has nothing to do with the presidency though. I just feel all divorces should be handled that way.
I thought this question was going to be if Barack had cheated a la Bill Clinton. In that case, I would recommend an immediate, public divorce. But in the circumstances you describe, where he is completely blameless, she just no longer loves him, I think she ought to stick it out. Ultimately her choice, but why devastate the man’s entire career and legacy? Not to mention that Michelle shares his ideals for the country and would want to help keep it moving in the right direction, or at least not throw a giant wrench into the works.
Based on the state of politics currently, I’m feeling pretty good about the odds that he’s already used at least one of them. If Paula Deen suddenly “disappears,” I’m making my move.
I’m not a supporter, particularly, but I’d recommend she try sticking it out until 2017. The presidential stressors will be gone and the marriage might survive.
First black president AND the first White House divorce? Talk about progress!
But seriously, it’s nobody’s damn business what people do in their private lives, even if you’re the president. I’d tell her to get a divorce if she wanted to, and not to if she didn’t want to.
But also, it’s not like Obama is up for reelection. So why wait, except for bullshit PR reasons?
I would say she should stick it out, if possible, but if not, then I’m her friend regardless. I actually do think that her life would be easier by at least 376% if she didn’t try to do this while she was the First Lady. I think waiting until they can quietly go their separate ways would be easier on the kids, too.
If Barack were abusive or something I’d say dump him asap. But if she wants a quiet, amiable, separation she’d need to wait until a quiet, amiable, time. Timing is everything, after all.
I’m sure she’s got enough on her plate to keep her busy for the next three years. She hardly needs to even be in the same room with him, if she didn’t want to.
So wait…you’re saying Barrylicious could be single?
NO! Bad WhyNot. Be a friend, be a friend…erm…
I try very hard to avoid giving What You Should Do advice to people in real life. (I know, right? I’m all about it here on the boards!) I’d sit and listen and bring Ben and Jerry’s and wine and chocolate and grrrrl power DVD’s. If she really pinned me down, I’d suggest waiting it out, but at the end of the day, people do what they want to do regardless of advice. Giving advice is a good way to get people pissed off at you if that advice doesn’t match what they wanted to hear. So I’d much prefer to be a sounding board so she can figure out what *she *wants to do.
I’m definitely not an Obama supporter, but I am a divorce (among other areas of practice) lawyer, and I like to get paid. I say strike while the iron is hot. She’s got more leverage now than she’s going to have once he’s out of office. If he wants things to go quietly, that can happen…so long as he agrees to her terms.
No kidding, my first thought was “the sooner she divorces him, the sooner he’s on the market!”
I am a terrible person.
Anyway, I think I would support whatever decision she makes. Based on how you describe it in the OP, she doesn’t actually sound that torn up about waiting until his term ends. She worked for it, too, G-d knows. I might even lean toward waiting until the end of the term not for political reasons, but because it that timeline might make more sense for the girls – they’re leaving the White House at the end of the term, that might be the time to transition to two different households. I am usually not one for staying together ONLY for the sake of the children, but being kids in the White House is an atypically stressful situation as it is.
Hey, a question. If they did divorce, and Michelle and the girls moved out (not assuming the mother is automatically the custodial parent, but let’s say they work it out that way), would they continue to get Secret Service protection in another residence?
No abuse, no adultery, nothing of that nature? And she supports her husband as president and believes in what he’s doing? Jesus tap-dancing Christ, stick it out. And I’d give the same advice to Laura Bush or Pat Nixon as well.
I wavered a bit, because on the one hand she’s probably disenchanted because her husband is busy being, you know, leader of the free world, and like many time-consuming jobs, doesn’t have the time to devote to his marriage. If Barry were merely a VP at a large company, (or even CEO or something), I’d recommend she talk to him about an early retirement. Unfortunately, that’s not really an option (at least, not a good option) for the US president. So, a large part of me wanted to suggest that she stick it out, because things will probably get a lot better when he’s not spending 16 hours a day on his job, and divorce is unpleasant for all involved. The political benefits are just a side thing.
But, it feels wrong to counsel someone to stick with something they really hate - if she insists on divorce, I’d recommend doing it quietly, which is what I’d recommend for any divorce.
I’d want her to stick it out because otherwise she’s making a decision under pressure that won’t be good for her or her kids, not to mention her husband who is also stuck in that same pressure situation. She wanted to married to him in 2008, so she committed herself to his presidential term. And she could have done something before 2012 so he wouldn’t run again or at least he could have made an upcoming divorce public. So she has made a commitment to stay married until 2016 and she has no real basis to renege on that. It would be a petty, stupid, selfish thing to do.
If she still basically likes the guy and just isn’t feeling the romance, I can’t imagine she’d want him to have to deal with all the fallout. The White House is big, and it’s not unheard of for presidents and First Ladies to live basically parallel lives. I would advise her to stick it out.
Since he didn’t cheat or do anything else harmful to her, then I’d advise her to stick it out. Talk to him, tell him it’s over, move into her own quarters in the White House, work on herself and her therapy. Then after the election, she’s free to divorce him without screwing up the legacy or handing the country over to a right wing nut (who would jump on the divorce story, ride it to the GOP nomination, and then win partly because of all the fallout).
Now, if he were cheating or something my advice would be different. But since she’s just not in love, then she and her husband can know and consider themselves divorced without making it official yet.