And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high and higher still, until we stood amongst the vast fields of our own midwest.
It was then that mine ears were assaulted by screams of impending doom from 1,000, nay a million terrified brothers. And terror possessed me then.
“Angel of the Lord,” I begged. “What are these torchered screams?”
“These…are the cries…of the carrots. The cries of the carrots. You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day,and to them it is the Holocaust…”
And I sprang from my bed drenched in sweat, seized with the horror of all our brothers and sisters, and roared:
“Hear me now! They have a consciousness! They have a soul! Let them have a voice! Let our rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers and sisters! Can I get an Amen? Can I get a hallelujah?”*
*Yes I know. There is no need to point it out. Just drop a lil something in, and then head to the bar to get fitshaced to celebrate my 501st post. Help yourself to the Transmogritelematerializer from the Guy Stuff shuttle, which I managed to salvage. Don’t mind the naked indian, he’s cool. And whatever you do, leave the veggie tray alone!!!
“Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.”
Cool! Another party!! And congrats, Lexi!
Thank you for the drink, I needed that. I do have one question, Lexi, dear. Why do I have to keep my hands off the veggie tray??
You sing in my consciousness like a counterpoint to my life.
L.L.
That’s my name, not a description. I am neither purple nor a bear. Okay, so I’m purple.<a true Wally original!>
Chrome Toaster (I dig that name so much I renamed my “my computer” icon to match it):
Jell-O shots-make the jello as normal, but use 1/3 less the water and make up for it with everclear. Then, instead of pouring it into a dish, pour them into little shot sized cups.
Thanks, I obsess about that sort of thing, otherwise I am pretty “normal”.
Again, that is the coolest name I have ever seen in my life.
PB: Because, the carrots have a consciousness and if you eat them I will hear them scream. Not really, it was just maintaining the joke.
Nothingman: Thanks, man, here, have a monkey from the first indiana jones movie. He will serve you well. See, lookathat, he’s already liftin’ up pb’s dress for us! Dirty monkey…
crackwise: You da man, man. See you tomorrow. Er, today. Like right now, I guess, by the time you read this.
<Lex, in a drunken stupor, fires up a chainsaw, grabs Chrome Toaster, and says “Gimmes some shugar, baby!” but before he can do anything, falls in the swimming pool. Decides to float around impersonating a whale, which he is good at.>
“Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.”
<calling loudly to Lex, since he’ underwater and I don’t know when he’ll breach again…>
Sugah,schmmoogah! I’m off to the liquor store to get some everclear!
This package of lime jell-0 I’ve had for 7 years is about to find new life!
<climbing out of pool, taking martini from purplebear. Takes off underwear, wrings it out. Manages not to spill martini, water must have been cold. Put’s underwear back on, puts shorts back on, leans against bar.>
Well, now, here we go again I guess. I can’t very well let my own party die.
Maybe, if I wanted to throw a party I should have done so for a more worthy occasion.
Wow, I get pretty wordy when I’m three sheets to the wind.
Anyway, where’d everyone go?
Oh yeah? We have some right here. Hmmm.
How about this:
We can party (as if we need an excuse) to celebrate the fact that I am moving away from the sticks of Albuquerque, NM and neurro trash grrl (the only other poster here, I think.) and moving up the land of singledads and techchicks and such.
Not to mention my girlfriend. So this will be cool, but I think we need to throw a going away bash, as I will be incommunicado for a few days starting on the 20th and ending ? ,
So, whatch’all say?
Can I get a hell yeah?
What the hell?
<Downs martini, eats olive, looks around for a volley-ball, but becomes distracted by all the cleavage. Makes a joke about “Cleve-land” to purplebear, ducks slap, trips over bar stool and lands in a papasan chair. Reaches for nearest drink and starts telling a joke>
Stop me if you’ve heard this one, but:
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the desk clerk three nails…
Why Lexi, thank you for that compliment, however oblique it may have been.
<And, just for the record, I don’t slap for looking, only crude grabbing, and I’m ignoring the joke about ‘Cleve-land’>
Here’s to you, Lexi! <raising her own glass of a delicious white wine, she salutes him>
We’ll miss you while you’re incommunicado, big guy! Hurry back to us!
< sip, say, this is good, what is this?>
You are more than a human being, you are a human becoming.
Og Mandino
That’s my name, not a description. I am neither purple nor a bear. Okay, so I’m purple.<a true Wally original!>
heh heh heh…
If only you knew…
Actually, it’s just a lil tropico, everclear and orange juice.
Too bad Chrome Toaster (I just dig saying that, it sounds so cool) left, I bet some lime jell-o shots would go great with it.
Want some more?
Well, the jell-o’s sposta chill for a while, but I have always liked liquid jell-o better than the boingy kind, so… Here’s to ya! <ssslurrrpp>
So Lex, if you’re leaving around the 20th, does that mean we have a solid 2 weeks of partying to do? (And my birthday falls in that time frame!! Whooo hooo!)
Aye, a solid two weeks of debauchery and vicissitude to get knee walkin’ and get down on some summer sports antics.
I plan to be drunk for the whole two weeks with a steady diet of alcoholic beverages, watery drinks, sex, drugs, loud music, dancing, and as little sleep as humanly possible.
<Lex grabs toothbrush and starts to brush teeth.>
“prober urel himgin id 'portan to gedin dur groog od,” mumbles lex around a toothbrush.
“airs ba drig?” spi-too!
I meant where’s my drink? And hey! Someone get that damn monkey of the pizza!
I am not playing “spin-the-bottle” unless we get some more females in here. I like PurpleBear a lot, but come now - we cannot all just take turns kissing her.
I’m doin’ Great, NothingMan! But Man, I’m getting tipsy, and I didn’t eat dinner! Lex? Hey, LEX!!
Is it just the carrots that have consciousness? Cuz that celery with cream cheese looks mighty tasty right now!
