Recently, a friend told me that a co-worker of his would say this about any woman he found attractive.
“I’d pee in her butt.”
This cracked me right up. I’m giggling about it now as I type this.
Another friend says “She’s a tasty fish”. A tasty … fish? Really?
So what are some other odd or amusing ways you’ve heard someone say they find someone else attractive?
“Eight… Eight and a half.”
I’d do horrible, horrible things to her.
BANG!
I’d…
[ul]
[li]wreck it[/li][li]destroy it[/li][li]make out with her… if I had to[/li][/ul]
I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers.
I’d let her touch my penis.
He can put his boots under my bed anytime.
And, the ever popular…I’d hit it.
At which point you at your crotch and say, “Ain’t that right, crackers?”
I’d tap that til it fell off…then I’d pick it up and tap it some more.
The guys I hang out with use ‘The weather report’ to covertly discuss the local view. The hotter the weather report, the, uh, hotter the weather. Which leads to comments on 'It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity or discussions on the windchill. It’s been a surprisingly persistent code.
I’d crawl through a 1000 yards of mind field, under barbed wire, with mortar fire overhead, just to hear her fart through a walkie-talkie.
Nice! I’m in the process of planning a date for tomorrow night, and I have a feeling that there will be a stiff breeze with a lot of blowing.
The ninjas are quick today.
I submit the variations on “I’d hit it”
“I’d hit it with a crowbar.”
“I’d hit it like a McDonald’s cheeseburger.”
She has the kind of body that just makes me want to have sex with her.
I’d tear that ass up like we just got married.
He could beat me and make me write bad checks.
Have him bathed and brought to my room.
I’d marry her cat just to get in the family.
“I’d drink her bath water!”
“She’ll do until the roads clear up & I can get into town & find a better one!”
“Mmm, he’s a tall drink of water”
“I’d like to climb on him like a jungle gym!”
Well shoot, Earl…she’s cuter than two speckled pups.
VPILF
This is the politics forum, right?
Or borrowed from some recent movie that skips my mind:
I’d eat a mile of her shit just to see where it came from.
“Must be jelly cause jam don’t shake like that” (an old song title if I’m not mistaken)
“One magnificent she beast of a woman” (heard from old timers)
“I liked the cut of his jib.”
In more stiff company the explanation is he has a trusting face (and ONLY that), but really, and the way Monty Python used it, not so much.