when I first laid eyes on my bf “Dewey” (a librarian by trade), I messaged him and told him,
“I’d like to check you out like a Harry Potter novel.”
It must have worked - we’ve been dating 6 months already 
Two personal favorites, both strangely involving excrement…
“I’d eat a mile of his shit just to get to his ass.”
“I’d eat the corn out of her shit.”
I got this from an old Harrison Ford movie, Regarding Henry, but it still makes me smile:
Gotta get me some of that!
A gutterally low chuckle and a huge grin.
In younger days - “I’d like to jump his bones till he rattles.”
“Not much meat on her, but what’s there is cherce.”
(You need to be Spencer Tracy, or at least have the accent, to make that one work.)
or
“A woman like that could ruin a man, if he was lucky.”
“I wouldn’t kick her out of bed unless she wanted to fuck on the floor.”
“Yeah, she’s gouda.”
I’d let her bob.
Ooh, I came in here to post that one! I love it. Also, alternatively, cookies, mallomars, Ferraro Rocher, etc.
He makes me want to howl and drag my butt on the carpet.
My friend Allie’s version: “I would crawl on my hands and knees through broken glass to lick the foot of the last person who touched him.”
My variation on this one: *Have him bathed and brought to my room * is “Strip him, hose him off and leave him on my bed.”
I think you meant minefield, but Mindfield might get a kick out of this.
“You’re the sort of person I could fall madly in bed with.”
“She makes me want to drop one wing and run in circles”
“I’d like to lick a blister on that”
“I bet she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch”
A variation of that I’ve heard is:
“She looks like she could suck start a Harley”
-This was heard said by a friend’s dad back and about the X-tina Aguillera Phase of her career.
It’s time for another game of “which poster does not belong in this thread.”
Yeah, she’s nectar.
Like the fist of an angry god.
Joe
I want to lick every inch of her naked body from head to toe like a postage stamp
Joel from northern exposure
I’d bang her like a screen door in a hurricane.
I’d bang her till she was crosseyed.
I’d bang her till I was crosseyed.
I once saw an example of this meme with Hobbes (from Calvin and Hobbes, of course, holding up both hands, and saying “I’d hit that with all eight fingers.”
Her ass is proof of the existence of a loving and all-powerful higher being.
Never in my life have I ever been more jealous of a popsicle.
If I were crushed to death by her thighs, I’d die the happiest man on earth.
A friend of mine expresses desire thus:
“I’d like to put my penis in her vagina.”
And my favourite, from Dublin:
“I’d run barefoot through five fields of broken glass, just to slide in her shite.”