Not too be too rude either, but the problem is with you. Been playing online for the last 5 years; EQ, AO, and DAOC. You’re taking the game too seriously. I’ll have to echo Athena. You don’t know who this person really is. More than likely from the attitude, its probably a kid. As to her being a women, yeah right. Probably a Mangina more like it.
Apologies for taking this right off of the point, but do you think you could tell me a bit about this game. Is it Final Fantasy as in the final fantasy I remember from years ago? Running around fighting endless creatures and searching for chocobos? Is this version(?) played on PC over the internet? Please, somebody scratch my itch!
It’s played online, either on the playstation or on the computer. Both Japanese and American players play on the same servers. Europeans will be added at the end of September with the launch of the next expansion, Chains of Promathia.
You have to pay a subscription fee monthly, with an additional fee for each character you have. You can find out more here.
It’s a pretty in-depth game with crafting, fighting, inter-player contact and a pretty big world.
Come September, I’m so there! I just hope I don’t run into any magpie-like 10-year-old boys pretending to be 23-year-old girls with superiority complexes and a penchant for saying one thing and doing another! Phew!
Send me an e-mail when you want to start up and I’ll get you a world pass. That will make it so that you start on a certain server instead of a random server. I’ll help you out in getting used to things.
Thanks very muchly Gravity. I might just have to take you up on that offer. Can I contact you through SD?
(Sincerest of apologies to Agent Foxtrot for highjacking this thread, though I feel you may agree with the cause [plus, m name’s Adam too, so it’s a good omen!] 
Jealousy.
Been through this, and studied a lot about it. One of the major causes of jealousy is a feeling of depression over something we cannot do, and project this helplessness onto someone else. It’s highly possible that a lot of what you’re feeling is frustration over the job thing and other parts of your life, and it bleeds into your game play.
To add, I’ve been in the same place you are, albiet not in a gaming setting, and my view on it is this: She likes you as a friend, but your needy-ness is pushing her away. It’s hard to ‘let go’, but you kind of need to if you want to keep her as a friend. Don’t make demands or requests for a while, and hang out with folks you -both- like to hang out with. Also realize that, well, nothing may ever come of this. It’s a hard thing to deal with, but you kind-of have to. She’s still being social with you, and that’s good, but when you ask her pointed questions, what’s she supposed to say? Seriously, think of an answer that wouldn’t hurt you at all. There really isn’t one. It sucks, but it’s the way it is.
All I can advise is:
- Do other things
- Realize the relationship is a periphery one
- Hang out with people you -like- to hang out with: If the game isn’t fun for you, don’t play the game. If the people you hang out with aren’t fun, hang out with other people. The game is there for your enjoyment. Enjoy it.
I would wager that you’ve just answered your own question. You’re unemployed, you live in a place with a shitty economy, and you apparently have some personal issues that you’re not dealing with and getting out of the way.
Having been approximately where you are (except that there were plenty of jobs, I just wasn’t putting much effort into finding them), I must ask if it’s not truly the game you’re addicted to, so much as avoiding your life and allowing yourself to be wrapped up in something that you feel you’re making a difference in. It’s easy to find yourself wrapped up in a different reality, where you’re getting shit done and taking names, you know? It’s alot easier than changing your situation, in fact.
It seems like you need her because you’re in a bad place and she’s been a good friend to you in the past. Unfortunately, you can’t force someone to maintain the level of friendship that you desire from them. Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes you really don’t need to villify either party involved. The issue with the internet seems to be that people become quite attached very quickly and without any real-life scenarios to keep them connected. This leaves half of us grasping and clinging and the other half thoughtlessly distancing ourselves on a whim.
It seems like you’ve been asking yourself how you can fix things with her, rather than accepting that there’s a deeper issue within you that needs to be resolved.
I wish you the best of luck with working through that, but I also promise you that fixating on her is not going to bring about resolution of any kind.
Also, any Baltimore-area Dopers work with a company who’s hiring? Now might be a good time to chime in, help out a fellow Doper and perhaps rake in a referral bonus at the same time. 
Yuppers. My e-mail is in my profile (click on my name)
I supppose I’m the first to suggest this, but have you considered taking a break from the game for a while? I’ve played a few MMOG’s and both myself and far more ‘hard core’ players sometimes find that by distancing themselves from the game, it is easier to avoid being totally infatuated with it and the social drama within.
The reason I suggest it is because this infatuation might make it difficult for you to move on in your life. Like others have said, the problem might be tied to things outside of the game. Perhaps putting your job searching into high gear might help take your mind off it- you could straight up tell this other person “Right now I need to take a break from this game to adress some issues in real life” and I’m sure she would understand. I know very upstanding clan leaders in planetside (a MMOFPS I play) who up and leave permanently just because they need to focus on real life and come to the realization that they are spending way too much time playing a computer game.
To sum it all up:
- It is only a game.
- You cannot know this person’s age, sex or anything else.
- It is only a game.
- Getting “married” in a video game has no signifigance whatsoever-do NOT read things into it.
- It is only a game.
- Go meet some real people.
- It is ONLY a game.
- I know.
- I know.
- I know.
- I know.
- I know.
- I know.
- Have I made it clear enough yet that this is not something that extends outside of the game?
Adam
But it is more than a game to you, and this situation does extend outside of the game.
You spend time worrying about it, and it bothers you, even when you’re not playing, right? Otherwise, you wouldn’t have thought to make this thread.
As a long-time Second Lifer, I will echo some valuable advice Incubus gave you. Take a break. Even a short break (a few days) will help put things into perspective. It’s amazing how quickly you can become totally wrapped up in a MMOG and you will realize just as quickly how much once you do take a break.
To echo Gravity’s comments - no, you haven’t, or else I suspect you wouldn’t even have needed to post this thread. It does indeed exist outside the game. I’ve played different MMORPGs for the last 5-6 years now; I know what all this “drama” stuff is like in them.
Listen, she’s trying to keep a distance she’s comfortable with. You’re feeling hurt, left out, and yes, jealous. You push, she pulls away. You back off, then complain that she “comes back” - well yes, she’s thinking you learned from when she pulled away before! You then want more attention/time/whatever and she retreats again. For whatever reason - maybe she doesn’t want to hurt you, maybe she likes having you around as one of her entourage for ego-boosting, maybe she can’t avoid at least peripherally dealing with you due to in-game circumstances, who knows what else - she is not shutting you completely out in-game, but she does not want too much interaction with you. Circumstances changed. People change. The way you play a game changes.
Let me share a tale from my gaming past; I’ll be vague about it and the participants to protect the innocent and the guilty. No, this is not meant to be a direct comparison to this situation. A new MMORPG launched and a bunch of people who played that game and interacted some in-game also started interacting on a server message board. Out of that sprung a guild formed of some of them, intended to be fun-loving and laid-back. One guy in this guild appeared very friendly. After a while, one began to notice things and hear comments. He would “spam-hug” female characters in the guild and act hurt if they didn’t return the affection; at first it seemed genuine but it gradually took on a more creepy feeling. He began to slightly cross the line with private messages, getting obsessive over some of the women. Any attempt to rebuff his affections, even gently, resulted in a guilt trip from him over how he’s just friendly and wants to make people happy and he thought this was a friendly guild and what’s so bad about hugs and the complainer is weird for even suggesting anything icky, and other complaints are just because of people ganging up on him for their friends, etc. Enough people (this was a really huge guild for a while) weren’t exposed to the icky-er side of him such that it was hard to really convince people that he was being weird, and most of the women who felt uncomfortable by what he was doing didn’t want to make a scene either - they just wanted to be able to log in, have fun, and not deal with a too-affectionate guy or any drama/guilt trips caused if they would complain. So a fair number of these women began leaving that guild when something better would come along. To avoid any further guilt-tripping/nagging tells, etc., they’d interact with him but only as little as they thought they could get away with that wouldn’t result in too much drama.
Like I said, this isn’t a direct comparison. It’s just that it’s possible that she doesn’t want to deal with comments from you that seem to be guilt-tripping - why are you withdrawing from me, why did you join that other linkshell, why aren’t you friendlier to me, why do you accept help from others and not me, etc., so she tries to interact with you just enough to avoid this. If she thinks you’re not being possessive, she relaxes some, and you seem to pounce on that opening, which scares her off.
IMO? Back off. Don’t ask her about why she’s more outgoing with others than with you, don’t push her into interacting with you in any way, just drop it. Don’t get all sulky about it, either, as that’ll just set off her “incoming drama” alarm and she’ll feel compelled to do damage control by trying to soothe your hurt feelings in some way, fearing you’ll turn on the guilt trip if she doesn’t. If there’s any command for friends lists or finding where another player’s location is, don’t use it for her. Remove her from your list. Don’t look her up, don’t think about what she’s doing.
Why are you obsessed with her? Hell if I know. Maybe it’s the whole newbie syndrome of idealizing what you knew just starting out, and trying to cling to it. I’m sure a good bit of it is your RL situation; you’re trying to make everything “right” in the world that’s your escape from RL.
Update.
She came back from her trip and now seems to be giving me more attention than I’m giving her. I’ve taken everyone’s advice into account and I believe the best way to handle things would be to treat her exactly as she treats me. When she comes into my linkshell, I’m pleasant with her, but I don’t go out of my way to interact with her. But you know, it’s this same damn thing all over again. I withdraw and give her space, and she starts asking me what I’m up to, announcing that she’s not up to anything at the moment, even hanging around me when I was “camping” a monster. But I’m not going to cave this time.
Right now I’m comfortable giving her the minimum amount of attention to be pleasant. And I feel good right now. I’m not looking to see what she’s up to, not sending her tells to ask how she is, etc. It feels good. 
Adam
P.S. - Gravity, I keep missing you. Hopefully I’ll see you on tonight.
Good job. Keep strong, don’t fall back into old patterns.
I’m probably going to be muling tonight, I have to go out with the inlaws. 
Keep us posted [bAgent**, this is some fascinating stuff.