Ya know how on Seinfeld Jerry will clench his fist and grit his teeth and say:
“Newman!”
when the fat bastard has pulled a fast one?
Well, when I am at work and some unknown person has done something stupid that fucks with my day, I clench my fist, grit my teeth, and mutter: "Newman!"
Whenever someone I know is going on a trip somewhere, I’ll say to them “Bring me back something French.” Doesn’t matter where they are going, I still say French.
It’s a line from Home Alone, the little annoying neihbor boy says as everyone heads to the airport.
I like it here-can I stay?
And do you have a vacancy for a Back-scrubber?
I say a lot of stupid things. I’m well known for it. For instance, when we’re about to re-enter a building I say, “let’s become simultaneous and coincide.”
I’m known for saying “God Damnit!” a la Adam Sandler. Teeth clenched, eyes wide open, accent on the “damn” portion, in a sort of a growl. Whenever I get pissed at something (1000 times a day) I say this and it…well…it just gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling…
Every now and then I’ll say that line (from The Jerk) just because I think it’s funny. Same as “He’s skiing on one ski!” from Better Off Dead.
But the one no one ever gets is when I use (in an appropriate context) something to the effect of “he drops us like a newborn giraffe – kerplop!”, a line Terk said in Tarzan.
and one I picked up this past weekend:
“can’t sleep clown will eat me can’t sleep clown will eat me . . .” from The Simpsons
Since I have a young toddler at home is just learning words, I’ve decided I need to stop cursing (goddamnit comes out of my mouth way too often. fuck - not as much unless I’m pissed off). Anyway, I’ve begun replacing every curse word with the word smurf. It makes things quite hilarious.
Mothersmurfer
Smurf it
Smurf you
Smurfhead
Since it sounds strange, I’ll laugh when I say it, and now I’m not as tempted to swear.
I’m sure it will get very annoying in about a week and I’ll quit.
Or maybe I’ll have a son who goes off to nursery school calling his friends smurfholes. Won’t I be proud?
Everytime I receive a new phone book, I say the line “The new phone books are here!! The new phone books are here!! I am somebody now!” from the same movie.
I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!