Inspired by a recent thread about pets (great thread!).
Mine would have to be, “AH! Pee-pee!” I was tidying up around work, and almost knocked over a box of drug-tests waiting to be shipped.
Let’s hear it Dopers!
Farts should not be chunky.
It’s been so hot and humid for the past few days and I was thinking at work how nice it would be to call maintenance and order an icy cold mist making device installed over my desk. And when they laughed, I could tell them that if they can’t do that they’ll have to come upstairs and spritz me with a spray bottle every ten mins.
Oh Junior Mint! (I wanted to swear, but I was at work and that’s what came out.)
That’s the most adorable curse I’ve ever heard! 
While smelling the rear end of my pants to see whether it’s time to dry clean them (and deciding against it): “Well, if anyone gets that close to my butt, then they deserve what they get.”
At the worst I could always live in the back of my truck.
It was so random… I was gonna, well, use the Lord’s name in vain and I was committed to the “J” sound. And for some reason Junior Mint came out. I think I like it…
Thoracic effluvia.
The wife and I are making Frankenstein’s lab for ween and it sounded like a good label to put above a knob on the bubbler prop.
User name+post=giggle
Does it have to be out loud? Because if internal monologue counts, I say crazy shit all day long. (And I’m starting to hear my internal voice as Gordon Freeman, from watching Freeman’s Mind on Youtube.)
“I’m nominating that mule f*cker from Georgia” – internal monologue while perusing the “Most Embarrassing Public Official” thread…
I’ve been waking myself for a month now when I shout in my sleep** “Giant frogs in my soup!”**
I like to eat frogs, so it’s not a nightmare, I’m ordering a meal.
If you shout “snnzzzzz hhe bEAVERS AND DUCKS!” then you’re a sports fan.
“Maybe it would be cheaper to just charter a plane?”
Trying to solve a really tough logistical problem at work. Never thought I’d say “cheap” and “charter” together.
And if internal counts: “What the #e!! did that fox just say?” In Mary Poppins, when they are riding the Carousel horses and interrupt the fox hunt, the fox yells something at the chasing dogs. I can never catch it, despite having this movie playing at least once a day in my house for the last two weeks.
“I have a corkscrew on my pocketknife. But it’s short and skinny. Kinda like Bernie Madoff’s dick, except it’s a corkscrew.”
Once while reading, although not today, I said to myself, “Wow. This is really interesting. I’ve never thought of it like this before.” Then I flipped back to the front page and realized I was actually editing one of my own articles.
Describing my 7-month pregnant tummy - “it’s like there’s a giant breast implant in there.”
“There are people dressed as Vikings playing cornhole outside my building”.
There were.
Unvoiced sarcasm: “The project is now ‘on the back burner’? That just means the room is filling with gas, and we’re all eventually going to suffocate at best, and death by fireball at worst.”