Ode to my roommate

The BBQ Pit
1

OK. Here it goes. I usually like having roommates. But right now, dear roomie, I hate you so much I need to vent somewhere or I’ll strangle you.

You know that I have been really miserable for months now because I am so lovesick I can’t even see straight???
You know that he never really wanted to come to my place???
You know that I have a really hard time telling him what I feel???

Today he came over. To visit ME. Not for a huge gathering of friends. Finally, an occasion where I would have him to myself. In person. Maybe I’d get a chance today to find out if there was any hope…

WHY THE FUCK then did you have to veg on the couch all evening??? We were playing chess, for fuck’s sake. It’s not like that’s a spectator sport. Usually you excuse yourself every evening because you are so damn tired, as you say. What made THIS evening different?? Why, oh why did you have to stay in the room until 3 a.m. when I was trying to give you hints that MAYBE…just MAYBE it was a good idea to leave us alone??? Just for a couple of hours might have helped me out here. Now he’s gone and I did not say anything and that pisses me off…it pisses me off at you for NOT GIVING ME A SINGLE MOMENT ALONE WITH HIM until it was officially TOO LATE. It pisses me off at myself, because I did not tell you beforehand (but I never expected this to happen).

Don’t get me wrong, I fucking hate myself, too, for not speaking up when you finally left. But by then he had left his comfy place beside me on the couch (where it would have been easy to establish some kind of contact) and was sitting opposite the table saying he had to leave pretty soon. And I am not really good at this sort of thing!!! I’ve been fretting about it for MONTHS NOW AND YOU KNOW THAT!!! I need all the help I can get and YOU WERE NO HELP TODAY, MISSY!!!

Of course, it doesn’t help that I had about a gazillion cups of tea with him WHILE I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO FINALLY EXCUSE YOURSELF POLITELY and am really hopped up on caffeine/teaine (whatever poison a gazillion cups of tea contain, it’s coursing through my veins, preventing me from sleeping and making me really freaked).

I’m probably overreacting and tomorrow I might see this all differently, but right now I am frighteningly furious. I am the mistress of mad. I am the empress of explosive. I want to go into your room and choke you with your pillow. Or maybe I want to beat myself upon my head with a frying pan. I haven’t quite decided yet but if I ever do so HELP YOU GOD!!!

<insert appropriate obligatory name-calling reference to goat-felching here>

And may I end this rant, lame as it may be, with a FUCK!!! from the bottom of my stupid idiot heart that won’t stop making me all shaky, nervous and tongue-tied like I was 16 again.

FUCK!!!

2

Is your roommate Felix Unger? I think they had an episode like that once.

3

If there was any “hope”, as you put it, then you’ll still have a chance next time you see him. Invite him over again, and this time ask your roomie to leave for a while. Or meet him elsewhere (coffee house, movies, whatever).

I understand your frustration, though. I pretty much went crazy hoping this guy would be interested in me. I didn’t even know him for months, and in fact I didn’t even know his name. We finally met, through mutual friends (well, former high school classmates of mine that I was quite willing to be friends with to be closer to this guy…), and for months after that I pined after him even more, and hated the fact that I was never able to say/do anything about it.

We finally talked it over, and he told me he wasn’t interested. Damn near broke my heart, but I tried really hard to still be friends with him. That did work, in a way, but the emotion was always there. Made it really awkward, but I didn’t know when to give up, even though a lot of friends told me to let go.

I didn;t, and now we’ve been together for 3 years. Yep, he actually asked me out, about a month after telling me he wasn’t interested (fuck, he was saying that up until he fucking kissed me and asked me out!) Silly boy just needed time to think about it, and to sort through his feelings for me and for his ex, and was just trying to not hurt me.

Good luck with the guy, and may I suggest you have a bit of a heart-to-heart with your roomie. Could simply be that she was so curious to see firsthand what would happen between you and him that it didn’t occur to her that nothing would happen in her presence! Or she’s just totally oblivious.

4

Cry me a fuckin’ river.

Next time be more assertive. Good luck and all that.

5

“Roommates” as in housemates? If your roomie is in the common area, excuse yourselves into your bedroom for some one-on-one time. You can play chess on the bed. That’s the immediate solution.

The total solution is likely a little more difficult as it seems to have more to do with your ability to articulate your feelings to the fellow (and to the roommate). I’d suggest an early approach in both cases. With the guy: tell him before he comes over you’d like to have a talk with him. That way when he comes you both have a starting point. With your roommate: tell her in advance that you’re going to have company and does she mind giving you some privacy? You may find it’s easier to bring things up in advance to ease into them.

Good luck.

6

Well, yeah, that was the point. I just needed to vent because I was so pissed yesterday.

Thank you for your advice mnemosyne and stypticus.

At one point I thought about retiring to my room but it somehow seemed strange to go: “Hey, let’s play chess on my BED instead of in the living room” and I couldn’t really know my roomie wouldn’t leave any time soon, because she usually does.

It was actually so frustrating yesterday because I had the feeling that he seemed interested for once and I couldn’t ask him or do anything about it with her there. But I guess that’s a good thing and I’ll get another shot at it.

Talked to my roommate this morning, too, and she just did not realize a little bit of privacy would have helped. I guess I should have told her beforehand.