I already regret this one:
What’s the worst part about raping children?
Getting the bloodstains out of the clown outfit.
The other day I went past a school for children with learning difficulties. Outside it was a sign that said:
SLOW
CHILDREN
I thought, that can’t be good for their self-esteem.
But then I thought, look on the bright side: at least none of them can read it.
Did you know that David Duke had Jewish blood ?..
…On his front license plate, of course !
An oldie but a goodie (there may be one or two who haven’t heard this one yet):
Why is arguing on the Internet like the Special Olympics?
Even if you win, you’re still retarded.
What were Christa McAuliffe’s last words?
“What’s this button do?”
How do you separate the men from the boys in ancient Greece?
With a crowbar.
Texas.
Where the men are men and the cows run scared.
Why do Italian men grow mustaches?
Because they want to look like their mother
A first grader comes home and announces to his father that he had sex with his teacher. Well, his father’s chest just swells with pride and he says to his son: “I was a freshman in college before I had sex with my teacher. I’m very proud of you son. You know that bicycle that you’ve been wanting for so long? I’m going to take you out and buy it for you today!”
His son says, “Well if it’s all the same to you dad, I’d rather go tomorrow. My butt’s still sore.”
A guy goes into the store and asks the clerk, “I’d like some Polish
Sausage.”
The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you polish?”
The guy says, “Well, yes I am. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian??? Or if I had asked for German sausage, would you ask me if I was German?? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?”
The clerk says “Well, no.”
The guys says, “WELL, why do you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage???”
The clerk says “Because this is a hardware store.”
What does a gynecologist have in common with a pizza delivery man?
Both of them can smell it–neither of them can taste it.
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
I don’t cum all over an apple before I eat it.
So, you heard about the baby that was born with both male and female parts?
Had a dick and a brain.
What’s a Jewish dilemma?
Free ham.
Good one.
My (also Jewish) friend likes offensive jokes of all stripes, including Jew jokes, so she’ll probably like that one.
I was maried 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, “and I’ll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull.”
“That’s a shame,” said his friend, “How did it happen?”
“She wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.”
Robert is out in the country with his new bride. They watch as a
bull comes over the rise and bangs six cows in a row, one after
the other.
His wife says, “It’s a shame a man can’t perform like that.”
He says, “We could, if we got to change cows every time.”
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.
The first says, “I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands.”
The second can’t stand to be bested. “Why that’s nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I’m still here today.”
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had anal sex with each of them three times.
Priest: Are you sorry for doing it in their rear? That is a sin, you know.
Man: What’s sin?
Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?
Man: I’m Jewish.
Priest: Why are you telling me all this?
Man: I’m telling everybody.
I got this one from a mailing list today:
What’s the difference between Madeleine McCann and the Icelandic volcano?
Maddie only ruined one holiday.
My apologies if it’s been posted elsewhere, of course.
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
shrug well, I don’t know about you, but I get an erection.