Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think we care.
This thread delivers.
+1
A white family, and asian family, and a black family were living in an apartment. A tornado came through and destroyed the building. Which family was killed?
The black family, because with the whites and asians, the parents were at work and the kids were at school.
I’m a redneck hillbilly but was raised on an IL farm, so I can tell these with some authority.
The redneck hillbilly came in to the drug store and said to the pharmacist, “I need to get some birth control pills for my daughter, Lurlene.”
Pharmacist says, “Well, J.W., how old is she? She can’t be more than 14.”
J.W. said, “Yup. She turned 14 last month.”
Pharmacist said, “Only 14? Is she sexually active?”
J.W. said, “No. She just kinda lays there like her maw.”
The farm boys, Cody and Lane were driving down the backroads listenin’ to some tunes and drinkin’ some Coors Light. They happened upon a goat with its horns stuck in a fence. Cody slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop. He got out and ran up behind the goat, dropped his pants and started banging away.
He said, “Hey Lane. What do you think of this? Looks pretty good, doesn’t it?”
Lane said, “Yeah. It does look like fun.”
Cody said, “Why don’t you come up here and get you some of this?”
So Lane went up there and stuck his head in the fence.
My Jewish in-laws made my wife promise not to tell me this one for fear I’d be offended. She told me anyway.
A gentile walks into mens’ clothing store.
“I really like this suit,” he says to the clerk, “Tell me … is it on sale?”
“No sir,” the clerk says, “I’m sorry it’s not.”
“Oh, okay,” the gentile says. “I’ll take it.”
Why do doctors slap babies when their born?
Because it knocks the dicks off the dumb ones (the beauty of this is how easy it is to flip around).
-damn beaten to it by The other Coolidge Effect Fan-
:D
Q: What’s the similarity between men & linoleum?
A: If you lay 'em right, you can walk on 'em for 20 years.
And I’m going to really regret the follow-up:
What’s the best part about fucking a four-year-old?
Hearing the pelvis snap.
Or, while we’re at it, to complete the child rape/pedophilia jokes.
What’s better than fucking a three-year-old?
Fucking a two-year-old.
What’s better than fucking a two-year old?
Nothing.
I do believe I am going straight to hell.
Kevin and Tyrone are in the 6th grade. Who has the longest dick ?
[SPOILER]Tyrone. Why ?
Because he’s 20 years old.
[/SPOILER]
Why do women have legs?
So they don’t leave a trail of slime wherever they go.
Why do babies have soft spots?
So you can carry them like a sixpack
Q: What did Hitler say to the Black Jew?
A: Back of the oven.
Mr. Schneider has a heart attack, and his doctor says he’ll need to take several months off from work to recover. The problem is Mr. Schneider is self employed; if he closes his hardware store for three months, he won’t have a job to go back to. So his son says, “Don’t worry, Dad. I’ve watched you run the store ever since I was a little kid. I’ll take a leave of absence from my job and run the store; you just worry about getting well.”
After a few weeks, old Mr. Schneider is feeling a little better, so he decides to go down to the store and see how things are doing. The store is crowded, and the parking lot is filled with cars. He finds his son and says, “I see I didn’t need to worry at all; business looks better than it ever was. How’d you do it?”
The son says, “Advertising, Dad.” He pulls out a magazine and opens it to a full-page, glossy, color picture of Jesus on the cross, with the caption, “Schneider’s Nails. When you want the job done right.”
“What?” says the father. “We can’t run an ad campaign like that! It’s offensive! The goyim will go nuts!”
“But, Dad, business is booming.”
“I don’t care! Pull the ad!”
A few weeks later, Mr. Schneider decides he’ll go down to the store again and see how everything’s doing. Construction workers are building an addition to the parking lot, and a line of customers extends out of the store. He goes in, finds his son, and says, “Wow, business is fantastic. How’d you do it this time?”
“Same as before, Dad—advertising.” He opens a magazine: a full-page, glossy, color picture of Jesus on the cross, only this time he’s hanging upside down by one foot, with the caption: “Should have used Schneider’s Nails!”
what do you call a Muslim flying a Boeing 747?
a Pilot
What can you tell about a Muslim 12 year-old girl who is still a virgin ?
She runs faster than her father.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to suck my cock.
You forgot the third one to wash the dishes.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
What’s the first thing a woman does when she leaves the battered women’s shelter?
The dishes, if she knows what’s good for her.
What do the thousands of battered women in the world have in common?
They just don’t listen.
What’s 2 feet long and makes a woman scream all night?
Crib death