offending without profanity

The BBQ Pit
21

There shall be ONE newspaper.Every issue will have the same banner headline"World Going to HEll in Handbasket." The Op-Ed page will be called 'Your Opinion" all columns will be Re-prints of speeches by J.McCarthy,Spiro Agnew,and Elija Muhamed. "Letters to the Editor " will consist of letters from the editor,signed by names randomly selected from the phone book. Jury rosters will contain only the names of law enforcement officers and registered voters. Only the deceased shall be allowed to register to vote.

“Pardon me while I have a strange interlude”-Marx

22

I belive the best way to deal with death role inmates is to take a glaive and stab them through the cell bars. Dont bother taking them out, just shove the next set of prisoners in there with the dead bodies… and put a big sign on the wall the says…
“YOUR NEXT”

Then devote a tv station to let everyone see the terror in the inmates eyes.

All children in high and middle shcool should be required to watch that station for one school period a day.

23

The current medical boards shall be replaced by Operation. If you can get the butterfly out, you’re a doctor. Prisons will be put on the honor system. All children’s toys will be required to make loud noises.

24

Warning to DarkDragon: misspellers shall be beaten with dictionaries until their spelling improves.

25

Tenn,you are hilarious! May I suggest we must answer all personal questions asked of us by strangers at a bus stop! :slight_smile:

26

TennHippie, when i grow up i wanna be just like you…sly, slick, and wicked :).

“Raw to the floor like reservoir dogs”
- A.V. Helden

27

Okay, but what will I be when I grow up?

28

More rules:
The number of children you are allowed to have shall be equal to the number of your favorite NASCAR driver. (no fave? no kids.)

Your weight is your IQ.

Pools shall be filled with urine and posted with signs: Do NOT Add Chlorinated Water.

If you drive backwards, you may go twice the speed limit.

You stay in public school until you pass everything. If you are still in school at age 21, you become a teacher.

The Basic Food Groups shall be:

  1. Alcoholic beverages
  2. Fats and oils
  3. Sugar
  4. Additives
  5. Yucky stuff

The national anthem played at ballgames shall henceforth be the Jimi Hendrix rendition of The Star-Spangled Banner.

Out of 99 channels, 95 of them shall always be showing “Dukes of Hazard” reruns.

Social Security benefits shall be determined by skin pigmentation. More melantin=more $$$.

Thanksgiving bird of choice? Bald Eagle.

Each year, a city will be chosen at random to have its water supply laced with PCP.

Let the fun commence…

29

How about only people who can’t type using correct spelling, punctuation or capitalization can use the Internet? Also, you have to cram everything into one huge paragraph without any breaks!

30

I love this!

More rules:

All whiners will get what they want.
Bald with beerbelly will be considered sexy.
Anyone can park in the handicapped zone.

You will get a ticket if your car stereo boombox is not loud enough.

If a bum asks you for spare change, you must personally accompany him into a liquor store (with a smile) and buy him whatever he wants. That includes cigarettes.

All clerks must be chewing gum and talking on the phone all the time. And if the phone conversation is important (especially if the topic is what the clerk will wear tonight), it must be given priority over the customer.

¾È ³ç, ÁÖ µ¿ ÀÏ

31

All arguments will be deemed won by the more sexually attractive person.

Only sexually attractive people can have opinions.

And sexually attractive people can get job advancements whenever they feel like it.

¾È ³ç, ÁÖ µ¿ ÀÏ

32

The cities of NY, LA will be turned into maximum security prisons, and the current residents fodder for the criminals. The official language of the US will be Spanish.

33

I think we need to address that Beeruser has a problem with sexually attractive people.

Also, if my dog doesn’t like you, than I shouldn’t either. This has actually proved true IMHO.

The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.

34

That’s already true…

35

Lick my bag is a personal favorite…

Brian O’Neill
CMC International Records
rockuniverse.com/cmc/cmc.html

ICQ 35294890
AIM Scrabble1
Yahoo Messenger Brian_ONeill

36

Paper or plastic?

37

You are a festering carbuncle on the posterior of a crack whore.

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
- Ambrose Bierce

38

Rental cars will come with hand guns so tourists can drive to Disney World on a level playing field. Luxury rentals will have the option of an uzi.

Disney World will also have Tripping Day, Parolee Pride Day, and Klan Week.

Four lane highways will have a designated slow lane, fast lane, go faster lane, and a celebrity murderers lane.

Sex education will consist of live, participatory projects.

39

All sexually attractive people of the female persuasion shall be fascinated by me and my inane ramblings…

40

WOW! Thank you guys! My son has an exam this monday, and I never though I’d learn so much History of the USA in one single night! Now I can help him study. Please just make this clear to me: Are you talking about the 80’s, or the 90’s?