YOU are in charge!! What new laws will there be?

I’ll kick it off.

It will be ILLEGAL to build a public restroom stall without a SHELF on which to put your wallet and other stuff. The shelp may be omitted if the tissue dispenser has FLAT top. Anyone building a stall without a shelf, and with a dispenser having a sloping top that you can’t put things on, will have to spend one day in public wearing a paper assgasket.

It will be ILLEGAL to park your truck, SUV, RV, or other high profile vehicle in such a way as to block the vision of anyone trying to pull out of a driveway. This will be applicable only to commercial streets.

We’d have to start again from scratch, I think–there’s far TOO MANY laws already!

New constitutional ammendment: The federal budget cannot exceed a certain percentage of the GNP.

*if you want to know what that percentage should be, I will need to get back to you. But, I can tell you it would be way lower than what they are getting now.

Oh, don’t even get me started. Actually, I started a thread about this on another board not to long ago.

Here’s my list:

  1. There will be mandatory birth control for anyone past puberty, and anyone wishing to have a child must pass a thorough background check, financial audit, and written test.

  2. Anyone calling me missy or young lady will be summarily executed.

  3. William Shatner will be put into a space shuttle and launched into the sun. During his flight, he will be forced to listen to his own recordings.

  4. Everyone will have “The world does not revolve around you” tatooed on their hand at birth, just in case they forget once in a while.

  5. All those who go out of their way to interpret mundane remarks as insults to their age, race, gender, or ethnicity will be gathered together in a small building in Antarctica. With any luck, they’ll fight to death, but even if they don’t the rest of us will never have to listen to them again.

  6. Telemarketers will have special phones that can’t be turned off or muted, which will be programmed to ring periodically throughout the day and night. Especially at night.

  7. People who troll on message boards will be beaten over the heads with their own keyboards, tied up with mouse cords, and kicked firmly in the butt by any member of the affected board wishing to do so.

  8. Naughty tuxedo kitties who pee on the new couch will either be supplied with a cork or spend the rest of their lives wrapped in plastic.

  9. People who run dog fights will be locked into pens with hungry wolves for public mauling. Betting will be encouraged.

  10. Everyone will be fitted with a chip that delays speech for 10 seconds and then gives you the option of whether to actually say something or not. Then people will HAVE to think before they speak.

  11. Any salesclerk who shows you exactly what you just said you did NOT want, will be fired immediately. If the phrase “all we carry in your size” is also used, the offender will be sent to work as a housekeeper for Leona Helmsley.

  12. Perfumes and colognes must be tested by me before being put on the market. Anything containing ingredients that make my eyes itch, my skin break out, or my throat swell shut will be permanently banned.

  13. Any legal fragrance must be worn at acceptable levels. No scent may be detectable at a range of over 2 feet from the wearer. First offenses will be receive a written warning and a moist towlette to remove the perfume. Second offenses will result in public humiliation and a stiff fine. Third offenses will get you tied to a chair in a small room while half a dozen people blow cigar smoke in your face.
    I’m sure there’ll be more later, but that’s a decent start.

Leaf blowers will be banned, Gardeners will do the best they can with rake and broom, for the same length of time that they would have spent using the leaf blower, and be paid the same amount of money. If employers want the leaf-blown look, they can pay more for the gardeners to work longer hours.

  1. The designated hitter rule is hereby repealed.

  2. Artificial turf is forever banned.

  3. All football and baseball games will be played outdoors.

I agree with everything you said and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. However, #8 needs to be modified:

Naughty tuxedo kitties who try to steal mommy’s oreos will be banned from the lap for a fortnight.

All laws, including this one, shall be illegal.

No new laws. My emphasis would be on removing existing ones, especially all those laws that restrict our behavior “for our own good”.

I’d strip white-collar criminals of their current right to invest all their ill-gotten gains into a multi-million-dollar primary residence/asset recovery shelter. I don’t see why rich criminals can’t be divested of their mansions with all the trimmings and have to risk living in an efficiency apartment, trailer home, or have to crash on a friend’s couch like so many millions of their fellow citizens.

And I’d decriminalize marijuana, but stiffen the penalties for driving under the influence of anything, including booze, pot, prescription pills, and personal electronics.

And I’d tax all religious institutions at the going corporate rates, without regard for alleged charitable activities and whether the faith is an established church or a “cult”. The government doesn’t have any business drawing that sort of specious distinction, anyway. (What’s the difference between a religion and a cult? About a hundred years or so.)

And I’d ban the entry into our country of any male foreign national from a culture where women have to cover their faces or hair, out of “modesty”. The rationale: if an immodestly dressed woman presents an overwhelming sexual temptation to these men, then obviously they cannot be trusted around our decadent, sinfully attired, “infidel” women. All men from such cultures are presumed potential rapists and killers until proven otherwise.

I believe that was quite enough from you,** Young Lady! **

:smiley: [sup]Someone had to say it.[/sup]

Kniz, you just wait till I’m running this joint, buddy. Not only will you be executed, but I’m sending Maggie over to piss on your furniture for a change.

Of course, this also brings us to rule #14: There will be no smartassery from anyone but me. (What? Smartassery is a perfectly cromulent word.)

  1. Spammers get a life sentence in prison, first offense, no exceptions.

  2. Telemarketing is completely BANNED! End of story.

  3. All drivers past the age of 60 must take a driver’s test once a year. At age 70, once every six months. Once the driver is unable to maintain his or vehicle at the posted speed limit, his or her license is revoked.

  4. No radio station may play the same song more than once every 72 hours. No more than three 30-second commercials may air at a time. All DJs must refrain from talking once the song has begun. All talk time segments must be limited to 30 seconds.

All non-residential speed limits will be unenforceable on their own. A secondary violation will be required. In other words, go as fast as you want, but if you cause an accident or something while you are speeding, you get the book thrown at you. Big time.

I definitely feel there is some sort of generational gap here. :smiley:

  1. Ditto on the telemarketers - VERBOTEN!
  2. More than 10 items in the express lane - Felony.
  3. Try to pay with credit card in cash only lane - Felony.
  4. SUV in a “compact” space - Felony.
  5. If your car stereo is audible outside of your car, it will be immediately confiscated.

There will be an upper age limit for driving. Say, 80.

Any one more than 20 pounds over weight will be put to death. (Now there’s incestive!)

1) 3 day voting period. First Saturday-Sunday-Monday in November. (Just to make things easier on the people)
**2) Mandatory voting for all eligible citizens over 18. **(After lots of thought I decided I liked the Australian model.)
3) Voluntary voting for all citizens aged 13-17. (They’re old enough that they should be able to put enough thought into the process. The people in these 5 years should be easily outweighed by the people over 50, especially since for them it would be voluntary rather then mandatory. So they wont pick leaders themselves, but they can make a difference in close elections, politicians will have to listen to younger generations. Plus I think it will begin to teach teens valuable lessons. And their teachers can make them do research before the elections for class projects.)
4) When corporations want to make something illegal because the people might do something illegal with it (i.e. VCRs, file sharing networks, cassette tapes, etc.) you side with the people. (It is the responsibility of the corporations to adapt and find ways to profit, not the people. They are more maleable then our rights.)

I’ll stay away from my more radical ideas.

  1. No more car ads on TV.

  2. Sidewalks must be built along all roads which don’t already have them.

  3. No more spending on new roads until the nation’s public transit systems are improved to such an extent that nobody lives more than a quarter mile from a subway station, streetcar stop or bus stop, and will never have to wait more than twenty minutes for a bus no matter what hour of the day or night.

  4. Clear the snow and ice from your sidewalks, or lose your property in a lawsuit.

  5. Trim your damn trees, or cut them down, so that someone taller than 4 feet can use the sidewalk in the summer.

“Socks” will be spelled “sox.”