Office Bathroom Etiquette (& A slight Rant)

In My Humble Opinion
1

Ok, this is one of my pet peeves and I just thought I’d see what everyone else thinks.

I work for a relatively small company. As a result, there is almost NEVER anyone in the women’s bathroom. It is a very rare occasion that when you go in, any of the 4 stalls will already be occupied. Usually you have your choice (I like the 3rd one.) Anyway, I’m in there today, doing my business and apparently it was a high-traffic moment because another woman came in. Fine, no prob…I’m only going number one so no big deal. (Going number two at work is a WHOLE other issue.)
Ok, so I’m in stall #3 like usual and this unknown woman with the ugly red loafers waltzes in to stall #2! Right next to me! Aack! What is she doing, trying to listen? Go away! Go to stall #1! EVERYBODY (at least according to me) knows that YOU DON’T GO IN THE STALL RIGHT NEXT TO SOMEBODY IF THERE IS ANOTHER ONE AVAILABLE!

So if this didn’t creep me out enough, when I reached for some TP my badge&key combo around my neck jingled. Since I am pretty much the only person who has keys on their badge, Sherlock Holmes over there in stall #2 correctly deduces OUT LOUD, “Oh I hear keys jingling! That must be Sunshine!”

AAAAAAACCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!! What kind of freak are you?! I am going about some personal business here…I don’t want to have a discussion with you whilst I pull the appropriate number of squares off the roll, fold them into the correct blotting configuration and wipe. Ok, you non-privacy respecting, ugly-red-loafer-wearing stall talker?! And what if, WHAT IF I had somehow been forced to violate Office Bathroom rule #1 and was currently going number two? Do you still want to have a conversation with me now? BECAUSE I DON’T. If I’m going number two, I’m concentrating.

So clearly, these are hot topics with me. To clarify:
A) I do not want you to do your business next to me while I’m doing mine if it is at all possible to avoid it. If you must choose the stall next to me, please use stall #4, which is the Handicapped Suite. It allows for approximately 4 feet of space from my toilet to yours. Do Not choose stall #2 where there is a scant half inch of space between your ass and my precious behind. I don’t know you that well.

B) I do not like to talk while I’m in the stall. Even if we walked in together and were having a conversation in the hall, as soon as I pass the second sink, I’m all business. If you try to, God Forbid, continue our conversation, I will not respond until after I have washed my hands. Don’t bother talking to me, because I will not be talking back. I am going to act like you don’t exist until I’m done washing up and then, THEN will you suddenly stop being invisible.
This does not apply to bathrooms outside the office. (Plus, keep in mind that I grew up with my own bathroom that I never had to share. I probably have a different attitude than those of you with multiple siblings.)

Anyway…what are your opinions on these two things? Do you think I’m nuts about this? Do you mind if someone goes in the stall next to you? Men–is this different for you? Do you have urinals at work or stalls or both? Do you mind if someone goes in the urinal right next to you? Etc. Expand and share.

2

I really wouldn’t like some one going to the urinal right next to mine. But on the otherhand guys talk while we are pissing all the time. I guess chicks don’t.

3

As a man, yes, I do feel the same way about the stall thing as you. If the possibility exists to place a buffer between yourself and the person closest to you, you should always do so. However, this whole thing is amplified tenfold when dealing with urinals, where EYE CONTACT is possible with your next-door “neighbor”. shudder

And if I may rant for a little bit: Even though I’m one of the system/network admins here, could you NOT describe network problems that you’re having WHILE I’M ON THE CRAPPER??! Thanks!

4

Wow, neither of these things bothers me in the slightest. If it’s a small company I don’t have a problem if someone grabs the stall right next to me, or strikes up a conversation. We all know what goes on in bathrooms.

If it’s No. 2 I understand the issue. That does take concentration. But a quick pee shouldn’t be cause for discomfort.

I always use the first stall, because that is the one that everyone thinks is the most often used, and so they never use it. Therefore leaving it the least often used.

5

I’m notoriously unconcerned about body fuctions. Having coworkers hear me tinkle and know it’s me doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I would hate to fart, though – I’m not particulary proud of farting. If the urge to #2 comes upon me, I go to a bathroom in another part of the building that is self-contained: one door, one potty, one sink.

And we all carry on conversations in the bathroom. Sometimes that’s the only place I see people from distant points in the building. Business discussions ensue. So, for us at least, it’s not a problem.

6

Yes, one should always leave a buffer zone whenever possible. It doesn’t bother me all that much, but I think it’s the polite thing to do and most people would rather not have anyone next to them. If it’s a good friend (like if my best friend and I are at the mall together), I don’t mind if she grabs the stall next to me, but a stranger should go elsewhere.

On the second issue, I do continue conversations if I’m with a friend (or my mom or whatever). However, if I am already on the toilet in silence, keep your mouth shut (I don’t know why it’s different, it just is). And if it’s just a co-worker or someone I don’t know well, that’s different. You just don’t chat at work while one or both of you is using the bathroom.

7

Some people are really different. I recently had a conversation with a good friend of mine. We’ll call him “Joe.” (Mainly because that’s his name.)

He was telling how strange he thinks it is that he’s worked with the same bunch of people for over a year and never once seen any of them in the bathroom. (Because it’s a construction job and they have to make do with those porta-johns.)

When I asked him what was so strange about that, he said “Well, you know people for a certain length of time, you expect to go to the washroom with them. Now, take you and me-- Plenty of times, we’ve been out working, or at clubs, and over the course of the night ya end up going to the washroom, you’re talkin, ya know, and you don’t interrupt the conversation, ya just walk up to the urinal, whip it out, and carry on…”

I wish I had a verbatim recall of this dialogue. The gist of it was, “if you’re around people for a certain length of time, you expect to see them go to the washroom, and it’s strange if you don’t.”

Now, Joe is pretty much the archetype of a 20th Century Heterosexual, keep this in mind when I tell you that he then proceeded to list just about everyone that we knew, and mentioned occasions on which he’d observed them in the washroom. (And people who were “shy”.) He was keeping track of this data.

Strangest dichotomy I’ve ever encountered-- Folks you’ve peed with, and folks you haven’t.

8

http://www.icbe.org

Lists everything you need to know.

Now conversation is a tricky one on the urinals. It’s ok if you enter the bathroom with a friend and you continue your conversation. It is NEVER ok to strike up a conversation with a stranger whilst taking a piss.

If you must, at least wait util they’re washing their hands.

9

Ok, well at least I’m getting the feeling that I’m not TOTALLY bizzare…just a little out there. Plus, this whole thing does not apply to my good friends or my husband. It’s just an office thing. For example, I have no problem whatsoever peeing in a crowded bathroom during halftime at the Bronco game. (Maybe because it’s so loud I feel anonymous?)

Did anybody read Pnuk’s link? Too funny!

10

I like using the handicapped stall because everything looks bigger in there.

11

That’s the funniest thing I’ve read today. Probably because I’m picturing someone sitting in a stall with their “thinking cap” on - the kind with big hoops and lights on it - with eyes closed, and arms in a lotus position.

*** OK, OK, concentrate now…puuuuuuuuussssshhhh…

wait…wait…pull back on the colon throttle and…

Yes! A perfect landing, with minimal splash. Now I must fold my toilet paper like I’m packing a parachute, and I’m done. ***
“I’m sorry, were you talking to me?”

:smiley:

[sub]Don’t mind me, Sunshine, I’m just being a wise-ass. I have plenty of my own office bathroom rants![/sub]

12

LoL, Dire! I have to go make a special bathroom hat now.

lol at Attrayant too! Loooove the suite!

13

That is a true horror story. I only wish I could remember the link to the urinal game - now that was hilarious. There were five urinals in a row and each test question had a certain configurtion of “users” and you were supposed to pick the “right” urinal to piss in.

14

KidCharlemagne: I’ve seen the “Urinal Quiz” you mentioned on mouthorgan.com. Not sure if they were the originators of it or not, but pretty funny stuff.

15

Kid, here it is:

http://www.gamesdomain.com/GDLive/1109.html

16

Just so’s you know…I went and played the Urinal Game…and got every question correct!

Now if only we could test the ladies room quotient.