Office Work is Fucking Dangerous

[JSexton]

*Originally posted by Gary Kumquat *
**I work with someone who received paper cuts to the eyes. She’s a lovely person, but to this day I can’t look at her without shivering - your eyes, for gods sake. Ick ick ick. **

Cuts? Plural? Dear god, you’d think she’d adjust her filing technique after the first cut!

–
Justin

[Ferret_Herder]

*Originally posted by Coldfire *
“girlfriend can kiss it to make it better”

“paper cut on your dick”

light bulb goes on over Coldfire’s head

I wouldn’t do it. Unless the toilet paper at work is really, really nasty stuff and you’re trying to claim you were being extra-hygenic, that one would be hard to explain away as an office accident.

[Belrix]

*Originally posted by Exgineer *
**I once stapled the web of skin between my left thumb and forefinger to a document with one of those huge lever-operated staplers. After I got the bleeding stopped I had to make another copy of the stupid document, because my boss had some stupid complaint about not wanting blood all over his reading material.
**

I had to return photocopied exams to my students once after my baby barfed all over the originals. They seemed pleased with my foresight.

[tanookie]

I used to stock shelves and will take a paper cut over a cardboard cut any day.

I’m just thankful I always cut away from myself with the boxcutters… We had one guy get the webbing between the thumb and fingers.

You know if you ask nicely you shouldnt have to injure yourself to get those kind of kisses

[ruadh]

I shrink-wrapped my thumb a couple times. Now that hurts.

[Crusoe]

I’ve had my eyeball cut by someone’s thumbnail at work. It didn’t hurt, but it did feel really unpleasant while it healed - like I could feel my eyelid brushing across the cut every time I blinked.

I’ve also managed to get glass splinters by leaning on the screen of an overhead projector.

[Mullinator]

I just cut my fucking tongue whilst licking an A4-sized envelope

Are you sure it wasn’t on a vacuum fan blade

[Coldfire]

Nah, I wouldn’t lick a vaccuum cleaner. What kind of sicko do you think I am?

Hang on, don’t answer that.

[Exgineer]

Just for jacquilynne:

I didn’t manage to maim myself, nor did I have a filing-cabinet-related accident of any sort. I did, however, skin one of my knuckles in an ill-advised attempt to open a security door. Don’t ask, okay? I just have a talent.

This is all Coldfire’s fault. I hope he’s happy.

[ratty]

Don’t worry, Coldie, your tongue is one of the fastest-healing things on the body. But now that you’ve brought up tongue-slicing, you could just go whole hog like this guy.
I hear you can actually move the two sides of your tongue independently after you get this done. Your girlfriend might appreciate that.

[jjimm]

*Originally posted by Gary Kumquat *
**I work with someone who received paper cuts to the eyes. **

Ye gods, man. How? How? (And in the plural!?!?)

[Gary_Kumquat]

Something to do with a carton of paper bursting open on a high shelf. Believe me, it’s not something I could have a detailed conversation with her about.

Paper cuts…eyes…oh the humanity.