One of my neighbors’ cell phones was going off all afternoon. Now, this in itself would be bad enough, but its “ring tone” consisted of a voice screaming “RING! RING! RING! ANSWER ME! ANSWER ME!”
Where’s that shoulder-mounted missile-laucher when I need it . . .
Now, my cell phone actually rings. Just . . . rings. Obnoxious enough on its own. Why do people think everyone within a two-mile radius wants to hear their goddam cell phone playing the Smurf version of Fur Elise, or The Godfather theme, or various Star Wars characters? It’s not cute. It’s not funny. it’s fucking obnoxious. Why not just a ringtone akin to my neighbors’, that shrieks, “I’M A HUGE GAPING ASSHOLE!”
If my brother calls me, my phone plays the theme to The Rockford Files. If my wife calls, it plays The Pink Panther. If my Mom calls, it plays the *Peter Gunn * theme. I haven’t found the gapng asshole ringtone yet.
As much as I try (IRL at least) to live and let live, this whole ringtone insanity has got me having violent fantasies on the bus. Aren’t you people embarrassed every time your phone screeches out “Born to Be Wild” in public? I just surely don’t get it.
When I’m Emperor of the Universe, ringtones will be punishable by the most baroque torture my Minister of Torture will be able to devise.
20 years ago, when normal desktop phones started chirping like electronic birds rather than just plain and simple goddamn ringing, I wished for a phone that sounded with an electronic recording of an actual metal bell ringing.
Shoulda patented the idea; now I hear that all the time.
Any ringtone gets old, I think. I’m sure bored of mine (“Liberty Bell” by Sousa, a.k.a. the Monty Python song), but nothing else on my phone is very good, and it gets the job done: it’s got some fairly high notes and I can hear it from far away without making it loud. Ho hum. I’ve got even less patience for other people’s noises. Someone in my office has “Believer” on her phone. The song is annoying as fuck to start with, much less heard in snippets several times a week out of nowhere. Death is too lenient, really.
Also: I’m always amazed by people whose ringtones have better clarity than my stereo. This must serve some purpose, but I don’t know what it is.
That reminds me of the days when I did game bug testing.
One bug I wrote up was “pedestrian phone sound is distorted.” You’d be walking down the street and this og-awful warbling skreeek skrawwk would play, followed by “Hello, Mortal!” and a little techno tune. “This sounds like crap,” we said, “It can’t possibly be supposed to go like that.”
A month later, I found out: It does sound like that. :smack: “Hello Moto” my ass, that sounds like my sound card is giving up. I wonder what the developers thought of that report…
It’s a lisp, not a regional accent. A British friend is a TV sports presenter and he had to have speech therapy (as opposed to elocution lessons) to get rid of that exact same lisp. In fact for a moment I wondered whether it was him on the recording. When he started his broadcasting career, he used to present a music show on the radio and people would phone in with requests for ‘Uptown Top Ranking’ just to hear him say it.
The ringtone is funny when heard once, but otherwise could turn the mildest person into a homicidal maniac. If I were Eve’s neighbour I’d be worried.
Novelty ring tones are not so common in my neck of the woods but they’re gaining ground. The whackiest I heard was toads croaking in the doctor’s waiting room. The receptionist, who has a toad phobia (of all things) catapulted out of her chair. I have to admit it took me a while to cotton on. Oh, a telephone. But of course.
That’s how I feel about the Hockey Night in Canada theme as a ringtone. But that’s only because I haven’t watched Hockey Night in Canada since I was 9. I know it bothers other people.
My phone’s always been on classic soft or vibrate. I thought everyone agreed we were going to put the phone on vibrate when we were out in public. I thought that was what the vibrate ring was for. I don’t get it. What happened to the plan?
A friend’s husband has a ring tone that starts off with the distant sound of an approaching train, and then as it gets louder and louder, all of a sudden it blows the whistle LOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUDDDDDDDLY!!!
I heard it one time and was ready to lay his phone on the nearest track to show it what a REAL train sounds like. How she can live with it is beyond me? And her idiot husband? He thinks it’s cute! :wally