Oh dear, Stephen Baldwin interview-must be read to be believed

[Guinastasia]

Jesus is like, totally bummed dude, that you’re like, a spokesman for him.

Some of the better quotes:

Radar: So can you name the seven deadly sins?
SB: Dude, I’m totally clueless.

Radar: Lust, greed, sloth, gluttony, wrath, envy, pride.
SB: Although wrath in the Bible isn’t a sin.

Radar: Not in the hands of God, but it is in the hands of a mortal.
SB: Hey, you’re pretty hip to this whole deal. Are you like some Jesus freak?

Radar: We did a little homework. Which deadly sin have you been most guilty of in your life?
SB: Wow. What’s sloth?

Radar: Total laziness.
SB: Hold on, I have a dictionary right here. I carry one because now I’m getting into ministry and I gotta know what I’m talking about. So let’s look it up and be little Poindexters. Here it is: Slow-moving nocturnal mammal. Dude, that’s it.

Radar: Can you name the Ten Commandments.
SB: Gosh, I should know this. I spank my children because they don’t know this. Let me think… Thou shall not kill… Thou shall not steal… [Long pause] Honor thy mother and father… [Another long pause] Shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife…

Radar: That’s four.
SB: Gosh … I can’t think… Do not commit adultery… Murder!

Radar: You did that already.
SB: Dang … hmm … don’t use the Lord’s name in vain?

Radar: Yes.
SB: How many do I have?

Radar: Six.
SB: That’s it? That’s all I got? What’s the other four?

Radar: They don’t make sense to me.
SB: Well, if they don’t make sense to you, and you’re reading them, how am I supposed to know?

Radar: Because you’re born-again.
SB: Just because I’m born-again doesn’t mean I have to have the Ten Commandments memorized. See, that’s the bad rap the born-again thing has gotten. What being born-again means for me is that I’m having so much fun in this interview that we’re not going to go out and get an 8-ball of blow tonight and go crazy. That’s what born again means to me: Inasmuch as I’d like to do that, gosh, I’ll just go home and read some scripture with the wife.

Radar: Can you name me the 12 disciples?
SB: Dude, I got kicked off Celebrity Mole twice 'cause I suck at this. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Timothy—

Radar: There’s no Timothy, there’s a Thomas.
SB: Thomas. Same thing. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, Thomas, Peter, Oscar. Who else? Hold on, I’ll go to the Bible. There, I’m telling you in advance that I’m cheating. I know them, I just can’t think of them now.

Oy. The Pope’s got nothing on this guy.

[NurseCarmen]

What? He seems just as knowledgable as many of the good christians I’ve met.

[thirdwarning]

Hey, God loves stupid people, too.

And he makes a great argument for not doing those things he used to do. Um, leading by bad example?

[A.R.Cane]

I watched a bit of him being interviewed by Matt Lauer this morning (all I could stand). He said that Bono could do more good, by preaching the gospel, than he’s doing now in his efforts to fight poverty and AIDS. That was enough for me.

[Marley23]

Radar: Because you’re born-again.
SB: Just because I’m born-again doesn’t mean I have to have the Ten Commandments memorized.

Didn’t this exact thing happen on The Colbert Report to a Congressman who was saying the Ten Commandments should be posted in schools? Funny shit.

[tdn]

Come on, Guin, this interview is a hoax. Radar is kind of like The Onion. It’s satire.

Right?

I mean, it’s gotta be. It’s just gotta!

Please?

[twickster]

Hold on, I have a dictionary right here. I carry one because now I’m getting into ministry and I gotta know what I’m talking about. So let’s look it up and be little Poindexters. Here it is: Slow-moving nocturnal mammal. Dude, that’s it.

Dude, that’s comedy gold.

[Eve]

I had such fun reading that interview that I’m going to go out and get an 8-ball of blow tonight and go crazy!

[Otto]

SB on Tom Cruise:

I’d like to give him a spicy Jesus roll.

Sorry dude, he’s straight.