Oh I know you didn't, bitch! (Homophobic remark)

The BBQ Pit
1

I am working today at the library and it’s one of those “just busy enough that I can’t concentrate on any projects” days. A few minutes ago, one of my student workers (non-trad student, and an out lesbian) was taking advantage of some deadtime by straightening up the chairs and rebooting some CPUs in the computer lab.

As she was doing this a 40ish community patron asked her “excuse me, but do you use Lysol on these computer mice and keyboards?”

My student worker told her “no ma’am, I don’t believe so…”

“Well, you need to” then whispered loudly “You’ve got a lot of queers who use these things and I don’t want to catch a disease from them.”
Her reaction was the same as mine when she told me… shocked, lips-slightly-parted silence, not so much at the homophobia but at the even more blatant stupidity of the statement. “Lysol… now breaks down even the hardest to reach faggoty monads!”

When student/worker just sort of stared at her, she said “I guess that sounds ugly, but you know what I mean…” then, shortly after, left.

Hmmmmmmmmm…

What the fuck do you even say to a Community User **Needing ** Tech-assistance like that?

Actually I think I know exactly what she was referring to. We have a student here who is clearly a m-t-f transsexxual in process. While I have no embarassment in admitting that I don’t completely understand transexuallism, I am QUITE positive that nobody enters into it lightly or as a lark and God alone knows that you have to respect the guts of somebody who would go through with it while living in a small Alabama city, but more than anything else said student minds her own business and in no way projects an image that would lead me to question her hygiene in the slightest.

I’m so used to fighting this type of crap when it’s coded in Family Values “hate the sin love the sinner” bullshit rhetoric that it’s almost disarming when it’s blatant for a change.

She left of her own volition and according to the student seemed to grasp that she had majorly offended. Had she not, though, what would you have done? Ignored it or made a comment? (Keep in mind that I can’t afford to lose my temper as I am here in a professional capacity and don’t know to what extent the University would back me up over a gay hate-speech thing; had she asked a black student about Lysol to get the nigger germs out they would, of course, support me fully in asking her to leave and not return.

2

And then Sampiro stabbed this bitch in the eye with a pencil and we all lived happily ever after. That’s the part you forgot.

3

Wow. Holy Shit. It is hard to imagine this conversation actualy taking place anywhere, much less in a Library, as in Place of Higher Learning.
I don’t know what you could say in your offical capacity but I think that I, after the initial seconds of disbelief, would say something like “Jesus, are you really that stupid?” and walk away.

4

I think the best response would have been your best Eve impression: shocked dowager expression with a well emphasied, “Well, REALLY!”

Either that, or a deadpan stare and: “I am not even going to dignify that with a response.” Then walk away.

5

I would like to follow certain suggestions, had I been in your shoe, but I fear I would instead tell her to wait here, fetch a booklet explaining how Aids doesn’t transmit by skin, point that out to her,
then send a comically large weight crashing down on her.

6

I think the only reasonable response would have been to mince up to the bitch, fake-sneeze in her face and say “Whoopthie daithy! Exthuse me thweetie!”

And, you know, then stab her in the eye with a pencil.

7

Can you find this out? It seems like it would be a useful thing to know, should something like this happen again.

I think you and your friend handled things fine, BTW.

8

You could :-

  1. Tell her the queers don’t use those computers, there are special pink ones in another room

  2. Only aids from straight people is catching from computer keyboards

  3. You don’t allow queer sex on computers, only the tables and chairs

  4. You can’t catch diseases from computers, only books

  5. Poke her in the eye with a pencil after you cum on it

9

I think this was perfect. Say nothing, let her think about what just came out of her vile mouth and watch her squirm as she tries to justify herself. Help her along with a few disbelieving “Excuse me?”

10

While the dead silence was probably the best approach, pointing and laughing and, “Hey, Bob! C’mere, listen to what this lady just said!” approach might’ve been fun.

Let her know that she’s not just offensive: she’s pathetic.

Daniel

11

In all seriousness, you handled yourself with a lot of constraint, Sampiro.

Or you could have poked her in both eyes with the pencil and said, “…and I heard straight girls like double penetration.”

One of these is not classy, however, so you took the more admirable route.

12

i like rayh’s list, especially 1 & 5

13

Ironically, we had to trespass (i.e. permanently evict) a community user last week for masturbating to net porn in a site he thought was more isolated than in fact it was. I was so glad to see that it was straight porn.

14

Excuse me, ma’am. I couldn’t help but overhear your comment. First, permit me to welcome you to the library. We’re pleased you’ve decided to come check us out, and we hope you’ll let us know if you need any help looking for material or understanding how things work here. Many people, on their first visit to a library or a university, get confused by all the books, and the computers, and the reference materials. We’re here to help; anything to further education, I always say!

Now, I overheard part of your comment to my student worker. I missed part of it – frankly, from over here it sounded as if you made some comment about “queers”? – but I’m sure I misheard you. The acoustics in here! Amplify some whispers, but distort others. I know a lady like yourself, one who clearly is interested in education and learning, wouldn’t have made an ignorant and offensive comment like that, and certainly wouldn’t have used a pejorative slur like that.

And why in heavens name would I think that you suggested that someone could catch a disease by using a mouse or a keyboard that a gay or lesbian student had used? After all, everyone knows that that kind of thinking was debunked, oh, twenty years ago or more! Sometimes, I wonder about my hearing! I need to remember to get that checked out; you know the older you get . . .

Now, where was I? Oh – the possibility of catching a cold or something from the computers here. I suspect you’ve heard about computer viruses, and that’s what prompted your question. Well, let me assure you, ma’am, that a “computer virus” isn’t what you might think. It doesn’t make people sick, just computers. And we’ve got some pretty good anti-virus software here, so our computers are pretty well protected.

Well, I’ll let you get on about your business. Very nice chatting with you, again. Let me know if you need anything. And I apologize for thinking, even for a moment, that you made such an offensive and ignorant comment. Of course, a lady like yourself would never say something like that, particularly knowing how the university feels about making all segments of the community welcome in our house. I really ought to check my hearing.

15

These are all such wonderful suggestions, how could you pick just one? In reality I’d probably just stare at her, completely flummoxed. In my dreams, where I run like the wind, mentally speaking, it would be totally different.

I would first get an aha! expression on my face and smile reassuringly as I gestured for her to follow me. Then I would lead her to the books on HIV/AIDS, say cheerfully, “Here’s what you were looking for Dearie.” Perhaps I might pull out a particularily accessible book on the topic, open it up, and then put it in her hands. I would give her another sweet smile as I walked away, saying “This one’s my favorite for when I want to know the actual truth.”

She could hardly complain that you were rude. If she did, you could say it was just a simple misunderstanding. You thought she was asking for help debunking myths on the subject-- she couldn’t possibly have meant what she said literally, of course. Whom over the age of ten would believe such tripe?

16

Nothing amuses me more than helping a hapless bigot confront their idiot prejudices, particularly if they didn’t ask me to do it.

  1. Surreptitiously take the C.U.N.T.'s picture (don’t be afraid to Photoshop!) and forge a shy, gushing, bi-curious personal ad and upload it to a prominent craigslist dating section in all appropriate cities: her school, her hometown, the town where she’ll flee to relocate. You will, of course, include her parent’s phone number with instructions to leave detailed messages on the answering machine.

  2. Having previously identified her car, and waiting for a really hot summer day when she can’t park in the shade, use several packs of cheap pork bologna and arrange the letters “Fag Hag” on the front hood and “Gay Grrl” on the back. The summer sun should fry a nice aromic message she won’t soon forget.

  3. Having previously identified her dorm address, arrange for free trial subscriptions to the following magazines to arrive in her name: THE ADVOCATE, SHE, OUT, OUR WORLD, GAY PARENT, GIRLFRIENDS, BUST as well as the local gay weekly newspaper.

  4. Similarly, using Columbia House of BMG’s 12-CD-for-a penny offer, send a nice care package of gay musicians like Melissa Etheridge, M’shell N’Degeocello, Elton John, k.d. lang, Boy George, George Michael and Michael Jackson.

  5. Get her drunk, unconscious and naked. Then photograph her sleeping with several naked crackhead prostitutes in many in flagrante sapphic positions. Spam color Xerox copies everywhere on campus. Send .jpg file to The Stile Project for posterity. Include a note home to Mom and Dad proclaiming her homosexual independence and announcing her intentions to marry the crackwhore prostitutes in photo. Note: attempt to hack her e-mail account.

Really… sooOooo many choices.

17

I think I would have been tempted to lean in close and then whisper all conspiritorial and knowing like… “Ya know, I tell my girlfriend the same thing. That we can’t ever be too careful when we have Out ‘N’ Proud parties and that Lysol just isn’t strong enough to do the trick. I mean, she and I are both very cleanly, but you never know about others. I highly recommend the industrial strength Simple Green. If that can’t do it, nothing can.”

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig smile.

“What else can I help you with?”

18

Yeah, but I’m sure it wasn’t AIDS she was concerned about. It’s The Gay.

The Gay is communicable by skin contact. I remember this one time, in college, when I spent a while rubbing up against this computer science major with spikey bleached hair, a gym body, and a shelf full of Morrissey and Breeders CDs. I was down with The Gay for weeks. I think all the E and shooters weakened my immune system. :wink:

19

Why ruin a perfectly good message by saying something stupid like this? It has absolutely no relevance to the issue, and is not an analogous situation in many ways. Not to mention that being black and being gay are different, and there is no need to compare them to make a point that is self-evident.

That said, I think the student handled it well. Most people who say stuff like that are stupid, not malicious. Her silence spoke louder than any sarcastic remark she could have made.

20

My response would have been to yell (loudly), “HEY, EVERYBODY - THIS LADY JUST TOLD ME THAT LYSOL WILL KILL QUEER COOTIES!”