In other news, I was in the restroom at work, (Network of AIDS clinics) and noticed the can of Lysol. It’s Professional Lysol. Amused by that, I started reading it, and discovered six inches of text on how it destroys HIV.
Not analogous?
Why did they have separate black and white washrooms and fountains in certain regions all those years? Seems to me the idea of ‘untouchables’ is the driver here, and there. Or are you just complaining about the particular noun the OP used which starts with n, and saying that word isn’t similarly pejorative to ‘queer’?
Judging by my Southern grandmother’s reaction in 1961 or so when we were visiting her and my sister drank out of the wrong water fountain at the department store (hey, we were ignorant Yankees, but Grandmother had a fit of the vapors anyway and had to be seen by the department store nurse, I kid you not), Nigger Cooties used to be as contagious as this woman feared Gay Cooties are today.
I think the comparison is particularly apt for that part of the world.
Having read the above-posted comments, I think that replying with an absolutely straight (no pun intended) face “Don’t worry, we have really good anti-virus software” is an absolutely perfect response to a remark so utterly absurd that any intelligent person would have to believe they misheard the question.
Great minds and all that.
Or maybe going into gay-sterotype overdrive on the woman, just to freak her out. Sampiro’s surrounded by enough dramatics that betcha he could throw himself into it. You know, put on a fluting voice, pat her fragile lil’ hand and then commiserate her right into the damned ground.
“Isn’t it just AWFUL?! You wouldn’t believe, simply not BELIEVE, some of the people you see around. They touch all the computers with their fingers, and well, dear, even the heterosexuals…and some of them are, well, as my dear mana always says, clean above the neck but*…and who KNOWS where their fingers have BEEN?! Bless your heart**, there just isn’t enough Purell in the in WORLD, is there?”
Then maybe break into a Judy Garland/Barbra Streisand medley just in case she wasn’t embarrassed enough already.
-
Sampiro’s mother undoubtedly has a much pithier saying
** IME, “bless X heart” is often Southern-speak to glide past a scathing opinion
As any of a thousand violent things run through my mind,
I would hope to stay as rational as you did.
Just try to fix her with a cold steely glare and hope she understands you are calculating how much Lysol required to remove the loathsome giant diseased presence in front of you.
I probably would have just given her The Eyebrow.
How about: “And I’m sure they wouldn’t want to catch anything from you, either.”
I think it makes the point.
“It doesn’t work?! I’ve got the gay! I’ve got the gaaaaaaay!”
Seriously, some kid once suggested that GSAs were a bad idea because as soon as gay people showed up at school, guys would start touching each other and wearing skirts. I just kind of looked at him, then asked if he meant transexuals. If it wasn’t a public forum and was just an exchange between us, I would of said nothing per the OP.
Nothing can really be said that silence doesn’t say better.
Choices? What choices? I don’t see where any of your listed options are mutually exclusive. After all, if something’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right, so you might as well go for 100% life-ruination.
Oh, that? No, ma’am, we don’t spray Lysol for that. We spray new Queer-Off. The other brand doesn’t kill half the gay cooties that Queer-Off does. When you’re not confident in your own sexuality, Queer-Off does the job that your own brain isn’t wired to do. Watch as I spray this bikini calendar. SSSSSpppppsssst! See? My nipples are already shrinking. All the moistness in my vaginal area is evaporating. And all I can think of when I look at this busty blond is, “Gosh, I’m too fat.” Try new Queer-Off. You’ll never worry about becoming gay again! Guaranteed.
Results not typical. Your results may vary. Offer of guarantee not good in blue states or Canada. Queer-Off is no more effective than sugar water in double blind tests. None of these claims has been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Queer-Off is not intended to treat or cure any disease.
So far, my favorite answer is the one about antivirus software. I bet that would be ahuge whoosh on that sort of person. Followed by a pencil in the eye and a comically heavy falling object of course 
Not to halt the rant, but no chance that she said “queer ones” rather than “queers” or something? Probably best to hold off judgement on a person until you’re certain that what you heard is what they said. (Just to be cautious.)
I think th situation was handled well. But how about:
"Well, we used to wipe everything down, then the head of the biology department said that the virus doesn’t attach itself to inanimate objects. It just floats around in the air until it finds a new host. That’s why everyone coming into the library has to get a shot. YOU DID GET YOURS AT THE DOOR ON THWE WAY IN, DIDN’T YOU? Or is Bob taking another break! Excuse me, I have to call my boss.
I’d say it is analogous. Yes, being gay and being black aren’t the same, obviously. But there are absolutely similarities between the way gay people are often treated now and the way black people were often treated several decades ago. As far as the words themselves, they’re only meaningful in context (For example, “nigger” is occasionally considered non-offensive when black people use it to refer to each other.) Still, I would say that “nigger” is probably more analogous to “fag” than to “queer” as “fag” rarely has positive connotations.
See, now if I were you, I’d just have reached over, grabbed her by the shoulders and said, loudly, “OH MY GOD, GO DISINFECT YOUR CLOTHES, I JUST TOUCHED YOU! YOU MIGHT CATCH THE GAY!”
Then laugh like a maniac, make your eyes roll to the back o’ your head, and drool some.
Might get you fired, but it’d be worth it to see the look on her face.
Several posters mentioned the word “queer” being a slur. In my world (west coast college grads), “queer” is the proper word to describe GLBT folks (and so much easier to pronounce than “glbt”). I would think that after “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” this had become universally accepted as a more inclusive term than gay, lesbian, or homosexual. Is it because you assume her intent was to use it as a slur, even if it no longer qualifies as such in the language?
Anyway, I think Campion’s post was brilliant.
All good responses.
If I had the guts, this is what I would have done.
As soon as she made the comment, I would placed my arm intimately across her back, pulled in very close and stared her deeply in the eyes, and then I would have kissed her. Just a small peck, but enough to make my point.
Then I would have said, loudly, “Hey, Girls! I got another one for our team”, and walked away.
I’d agree that “queer” is hardly a slur - hell, I have a couple books on “Queer Studies”. But then, what she said was offensive anyway. If she’d been worried about cooties from “black people”, it would have been purt near as offensive as if she’d said the same about “niggers”.
Oh yes, of course. I didn’t mean to give the impression that I thought the comment wasn’t repulsive. I was more curious as to whether “queer” as a preferred term is a West Coast phenomenon or a national one.