I think ‘queer’ differs from ‘black’ in that it is a “reclaimed” word. It certainly was at one time a pejorative, and whether it still is depends a lot on context. Given the woman’s question, it seems clear enough to me that she was using it in the old pejorative sense.
So, to review:
Asking your librarian where the queer group meets to discuss gender politics - Okay use of ‘queer’
Asking your librarian if they disinfect after the queers use the computers - Not okay use of ‘queer’
Of course being black and being gay are different. That’s why it’s an analogy, and a totally appropriate one. Why would bigotry have “no relevance to the issue” of bigotry?
Regarding the OP, I would have answered:
“Ma’am, please don’t touch anything on the way out. We don’t have much Lysol left.”
I don’t see why the history of the words has anything to do with that - exactly the same would be true of the word “black”.
However, I do think you’re right about the word’s history.
Maybe it’s a good idea to wipe down those computer mice and keyboards with Lysol a few times a day, if there are a lot of children using them.
They’re vectors, you know. 
There definitely seem to be areas where it’s more standard than elsewhere – very many people in Montreal use it (they even tried to invent a French translation), whereas in other places they express shock and horror.
It still can be used to insult, but then again, so can “gay” (“Hey McLauchlin! You’re gay!”)
I think Queer is exactly as offensive as it is intended to be, but I agree that I was correctly chastened for putting on par with “nigger”. It’s probably more on par with negro, a less offensive than dated word but one that would be taken pejoratively if so intended.
A correction to a concept above: I actually had no dealing with the dear lady. It was totally my student worker, who told me about it as the lady was leaving. It was to the student worker that I dropped jaw and just… had to marvel at the stupidity.
The last time I confronted such blatant homophobia (other than the usual Santorumesque rhetoric) was about a year ago. I was playing Mayor Shinn in a production of The Music Man in collegeville, Georgia. The kid who played Winthrop, an adorable boy who is a total natural onstage and was generally the pet of the entire cast, had a mother who came into the men’s dressing room each night to help him dress and put on his microphone (the battery pack for which went in the seat of his pants). One night she was late so he came to me and asked if I would attach the battery pack to his seat and as I did so she entered, took one look and literally gasped and said “No Honey! Not him!” then, recovering… “uh… he’s busy…”
Luckily Mayor Shinn is supposed to be a bombastic asshole, but he was never moreso than that night. The kid who played reform school rough kid Tommy (a 21 year old gay college student, though he looks adolescent) told me after the scene where my character yells at him “Damn! I honestly thought you were going to rip out my throat tonight!”
An irony: Southerners are stereotyped as Bible thumping closeminded bigoted idiots, and certainly those exist down here (though not so much in theater circles), but this woman was from the liberal urban north (metro Boston somewhere) while the Southerners who witnessed it, both male and female, were all red-faced with anger. (“Did she… she… Good God… is… she… is that cooze implying Jonathan would… that fucking Yankee cunt!” all being used to address the situation after she left, even by a couple of people I didn’t know knew those words.) Unfortunately, she was the wife of one of the Vice Presidents at the University where I worked so a righteously indignant response have been terribly good as a career move.
I wonder- if her kid turns out to be gay in a few years, will she wonder if it was my fault?
There’s an important principle that a lot of people forget: people everywhere suck. The exact mechanisms of their suckiness may vary slightly, but generally, people are the same way everywhere.
Oh, certainly the latter statement is as offensive as all get out regardless of whether it contains ‘black’ or ‘queer’. However, it’s quite arguably the case that the word ‘black’ itself doesn’t make the statement additionally offensive, over and above the appalling sentiment expressed. Compare that if ‘nigger’ were used in its place. Then arguably the use of a racial slur adds to the offensiveness over and above that resulting from the sentiment expressed. I’m saying that ‘queer’ in that context constitutes a slur, and not just a group noun, where ‘black’ wouldn’t constitute a slur, even if the statement is racist in the extreme.
I can see where brickbacon’s coming from, though. You’re right in that they’re apt, relevant analogies. But, akin to one of gobear’s complaints and reasons for leaving, leave us black folks out of your analogies. brickbacon’s right, Sampiro’s point was self-evident. I don’t think the readers of his OP are so dense that they need the word nigger thrown at them to fully realize the gravity of the woman’s offensive remark.
It gets a little tiring after awhile. I’m not bothered by it enough to post about it, but when I read such a comparison, I’d be lying if I didn’t roll my eyes and think to myself, 'Gee, thanks. I didn’t quite get it until you drove it home like that."
Carry on with your analogies (not that you needed my permission or anything) if you feel as though it bolsters your point a little more. Just understand that in many cases it’s entirely unnecessary and in some cases, a little insulting.
If he does end up gay, it’s his mom’s fault for letting him do theatre. Everybody knows that’s one of the leading ways people catch the gay!
Why were you glad? Were you relieved? Were you thinking that a man masturbating in a library was likely to be gay? Sounds to me that we may have some latent prejudice here.
Your co-workers response was very mature.
I might have said, " Maam, I am gay, and I can assure you that Lysol doesn’t work on homosexual bacteria."
Whoosh? I take it Sampiro was relieved that a gay guy wasn’t doing something that might reflect poorly on other gay people.
And besides, it makes a mess on the keyboard, and he’s run out of Lysol.
Peggy Hill (in an episode when she thought Bobby was gay): As your mother I accept full responsibility for your lifestyle choice… well, along with Satan and the liberal media.
Well, evidently there are still some people out there who are that dense, otherwise Sampiro would never have had to start this pit thread.
My reply would have been, “SERIOUSLY! You could catch… ::whisper:: THE GAY!”
You’re all wrong- you don’t need lysol for homosexual bacteria. They can’t reproduce naturally, and the fundie heterosexual bacteria won’t let them adopt, so they die off eventually.
Yes but he didn’t make the analogy to point out the offensivness of the remark. He did it to point out that he is confident of the school’s reaction had it been a racial remark, but wasn’t sure what it would be (or what he would have been allowed to do about it) as it was directed at homosexuals.
I’d say the fact that we’ve come that far when it comes to society’s reactions to racial slurs, but not that far in the case of hohmophobic one, is very relevent to the OP.
I think you should lower the minimum age on believing unmitigated bull honky, Ashes. I have an 8-year-old who’s more educated than that crazy lady who has apparently spent the last 25 years living under a rock without the benefit of cable television, newspapers, or any human contact.
Woulda been kinda funny if the out lesbian student/worker would have given her a big 'ol open-mouthed kiss, too.