Yes, I believe lorene is quite intelligent, but that doesn’t mean she’s necessarily comfortable with that sort of playing.
I didn’t mention any names, did I? So, why do you assume it was you? Oh, all right. Yes, it was you. So, you kicked me, under the table (most unjustly)? You don’t know your own strength. I limped for an hour.
All right, so… update time. No word from anyone, today. I sent Harmony an email, wondering what had happened. Don’t kick me, again! It seemed appropriate. And, umm…you stand way over there, Maureen… puts a solid table between himself and soon to be irate women… I started writing an email to Theresa.
WAIT! I didn’t send it! And, I may not. But…I might. If I can squeeze out the last drop of whiny-ness and polish it up, acceptably. I know, I know. You’re right. Go ahead. hangs head
Y’know, Dave, I think I agree with Maureen … sort of …
I will have to say, closure definitely seems to be a most under-valued concept for some people who brush others off or dump dates via vague emails. Not that I would know anything about that … just what I’ve heard.
Trouble is, I think that finding closure requires feedback; you send email to Theresa, she sends reply/explanation. If you send it and she doesn’t reply, you’re still left hangin’. How does that help? (unless you find the act of simply writing the email works for you)
Of course, maybe I’m just odd. In that case, you may safely ignore my ramblings.
Like the kind of thing that can be produced by a committee of, say 1500 SDMB readers each tossing in their 2¢ worth, then compile the whole thing … no, wait, maybe that’s NOT ideal … notes … Hey, I was for this ‘closing’ email thing a couple pages ago! I remember!!!
Wow! :eek: Wait…were you for it, or against it, originally? I know it was a split decision, but I don’t remember who voted which way.
But, no, nothing vicious. I don’t even really have much anger towards her. Lots of other emotions, like hurt, confusion, disappointment, and regret, etc. But, oddly enough, very little anger. Lots of longing and sadness. Some embarassment; mostly because I had actually allowed myself to imagine a potential future with her, if things had worked out. And, it looked fabulous, to me. But, it was obviously way premature.
How’s that for a mis-application of The Dreaded C Word™ (Confidence)? It’s actually a classic example of why I hate it when women keep saying they want men to be Confident. Confidence, alone, is not a good thing. I was Confident that I had lucked into a great thing, but I was also Stupid and Inept.
Confident + (Stupid[sup]2[/sup] * Inept[sup]10[/sup]) = Fool
No, I’m sure you wouldn’t know about that. The problem is, the folks who brush other people off have closure. They know what happened, even if they won’t share the information. So, they have no motivation to participate any further.
Yes, just writing it helps. But, I’d really like to get a response from her, even if it’s just “You’re a creep.” I gave her way too big a piece of my heart (a common mistake with me, but one for which I’ve generally not suffered, thanks to that intuition I mentioned earlier in this thread), but any response from her would allow me to take it back. I suppose I could tell her that, in the hope that it would prompt a response, but it might be TMI. Or TMH (Honesty).
But, I’m going to have to figure out how to get a response from her. That’s going to be difficult. Making her angry or too guilty (if that’s possible) won’t work. She’d just delete the email and go kick the sofa, or something. So, I’m going to have to walk a fine line, and come up with something that will make her want to respond. Ideally, I’d like to come up with something that would change her mind about me, but I doubt that’s possible.
Well, if we ignored people, just because they’re odd, Wyatt would still be Cool and Everything, But he’d have no friends.
Indeed!
Yeah. Like the story of how the Camel was invented.
No, you guys didn’t scare me off! Good thing, too, 'cause if I had chosen to hide under the table and then she kicked you…ouch! I’m just still trying to get caught up (with life in general and the SDMB, too) and the boards were so slow yesterday that it didn’t allow for much of that.
FTR, I, too, was in favor of the email idea. I know that the person who does the brushing off (the brusher?) has closure, but I am also a big fan of asking people to be responsible adults when they are toying with others’ emotions.
Man, I can so relate to that, Dave! Being an INTP, I’ve found that my emotional investment at the outset of a relationship is either all or nothing, but, like you, my intuition usually keeps me from plunging head-first into the three-foot end of the pool. I’m generally pretty optimistic, and my mind is three or four steps ahead of the moment I’m in, so if things look great, then I’m already planning several dates into the future. Things really start rolling when she’s into the idea too.
Hope whatever you decide to do here works for ya, dude.
Aha! A fellow fool! Asking people to be responsible adults?!? Ha!
Yup. I’m exactly the same way, though the degree may vary. (Depending on my mood at the time, I sometimes come out as an INFP (orJ).) But, yes, I was looking too far ahead, and not focusing on getting past the first steps.
Truth to tell, I hadn’t chimed in on THAT subject at all. At least, I don’t think I did. More the beginning of the whole dating thing, not to overwhelm with emails, etc. But when someone just disappears into the ether without even a “thanks, it’s been fun,” I think you are entitled to say “What the f***?” She may not respond, and, as I said, may not even read it, but at least you’ll be able to say what you feel you needed to say, get it out of your system. I know how you get. If you don’t do this, you’ll just mope about it for weeks, and keep turning it over and over in your mind looking for answers that aren’t there. So. Send it. Then you can let it go, and get on with whatever’s next.
It would be nice to re-open the door for Theresa, so that if it is just a matter of her being time impared, she’d feel invited to reconnect with you. At the same time it is imparitive that the innerds of D.Bear aren’t left ‘twisting in the wind.’
Sooooooo … if the email could be an invitation to call, if she actually was intending to, and at the same time, a statement that ‘not calling’ will be taken as a direct communication of, “Don’t call me.” … Then D.Bear gets to let the whole thing go. Drop it into a mental file of, {She’s a fun, casual date. We were ‘just friends’, with kissing priveledges. It’s clear she wouldn’t fit as my “one-and-only,” but she is a fun date when her feet touch the ground.}
Put her in the same category as {dessert with Sherri} and you’re home free.
No overblown futures, no painfilled pasts, no “gee what if I misinterpreted her non-communication,” not even any “bummer, if I’d left the door open just a bit maybe I coulda gotten more kissin’.” … Just a beautiful lady who is fun, kisses well, and is a bit too ungrounded to fit as your partner.
Owch, I think I sprained my widdle brain thinkin’ that deeply!
oh, and Mo, when were you planning to drop by for me to get you drunk? I’ll need to tidy up!
Nice! Very nice. First you diss…I mean kick… me (unjustly). Now, you’re mocking me. It’s no way to treat a Legend, I tell ya’! If you didn’t give such good…fantasy, I’d really resent it.
Actually, it shouldn’t surprise me that you agree. I think we’re a lot alike, in those respects. But, you realize I’m going to mope, anyway, if I don’t get any response. Not that it’s your problem.
Heh! Actually, that conjures up quite a mental image, for me. My ferrets mope, when I won’t entertain them (Well, hell! I bought them to entertain ME!). They just sort of “flump” on the rug, with their legs tucked in, looking like furry, flexible torpedoes. I can just picture me, flumped in between them.
Sort of on a side note, a friend whose wisdom I value tells me I may have confused and lost most of the “audience” for this thread, when I introduced too much of the complexity of my social life into it. Her point was that there is no longer a simple “good vs. evil” or “romatic victim” story, here. And, I suppose she’s right. But, this was never intended to be pure entertainment, and life is not that simple. At least, my life isn’t. All of which is simply to say, Thank You! to those of you who have stuck around, and continue to try to follow the bouncing heart.
To be honest, although my wise friend tells me otherwise, it doesn’t seem that complex or unusual, to me. I think most people’s lives are more complex than they realize; they simply don’t take the time to analyze their feelings and relationships, until something goes wrong. Still, your support and friendship means a lot to me, and I’ll try to keep it as simple as possible, if that will help.
Sorry. No. Not mocking. Just not previewing correctly. You again have that over-sensitivity thing up and running…
Don’t worry about rambling. You know, you can send me an email if you’d rather not go on about it here. I don’t mind the rambling, and that way I don’t have to worry about inadvertantly kicking without meaning to.
Yeah, entrails are not good. But, she actually can’t hurt me any more than she has without responding at least once. But, yes, I hope to leave the door open for her.
Well, I know what you’re saying, but I don’t agree about a further lack of response being helpful. It won’t hurt much, but it won’t help, either.
I wish I could, but I can’t. She either IS in the same category, or she’s NOT. And, she’s not. I’ll just have to deal with whatever happens, as best I can.
You say that like there’s an Off switch. But, actually, I was teasing you.
Ah! But, will I get a response to an email? Doesn’t seem to be my Summer for responsive women. I still haven’t heard back from Harmony. I’m thinking she’s gone, too.
Well, let’s just say the least furry. You haven’t seen me without a shirt.
There ya go, dude. From a woman who could make a monk break his vows.
Ah, don’t worry about losing the popcorn audience, who are just watching, lurking and trying to enjoy the show. You’re better off without those bastiches anyway… There’s still some popcorn left between my teeth? Oh damn…
Heh, no seriously, while I didn’t participate that much, I am still here (and I bet other less active people are as well). I am not here for the entertainment value (not exclusively at least, entertainment is an added bonus, mind you), but out of curiosity and because it’s in fact quite an educative threads.
Hummm, come to think about it, I didn’t check the rest of the Dope Board, but still follow this thread, heh.
I have to say that my fingers are starting to hurt, as I still have them crossed for a happy ending… I guess I can stop now
Ahh, so you have been paying attention, then, lorene. Excellent.
It depends. Is that better or worse than a bald, closure-seeking, ferret-impersonating aardvard advisor?
[sub]The monk thing is on hold for the moment. I’m having trouble finding a non-denominational monastery.[/sub]
Can I have some? I love popcorn! It’s buttered, right?
Well, it’s not so much that I was worried about losing them. I just feel kinda bad that there isn’t anything happening. I kinda feel like I owe them some closure, too.
Well, I was hoping it would be both entertaining and educational, but I was also hoping there would be some climactic point (yeah, yeah, go ahead) to it. And, I haven’t been able to get it to that point. If it was a movie, I’d say it sucks. Actually, it sucks, anyway.
Yeah, I haven’t been participating in as many threads as I used to, either. But, I’ll take that as a compliment, and thank you.
No! Don’t do that! I still need all the luck I can get. It seems whatever planetary alignment led to my initial success with Theresa was fleeting, and my luck is back to its usual miserable self. And, I’m still hoping for at least some response from Theresa, when I send that email. Of course, it’s not ready to send, yet. But, I’ll get there. I just have to find the time, between the board and keeping up with the emails from people who DO answer their email.
Now, there’s a thought! Maybe we could start one. We could make brandy and breed aardvarks for the pet trade. I’m sure Nomaardvark would appreciate that part. It would have to be co-ed, though. Is that a problem?
You don’t know your own strength. I limped for an hour.
So noted.