Dave, you got mail. 
Thanks a lot for pouring more oil onto the hot fire of curiosity
*checking the score card …
met her, bought her a drink, (likes me!), chatted forever and walked holding hands, (likes me!), kissed her, (likes me!), got told call the store, (likes me!), called store-no call back, (Likes me not???), sent email -no response, (Likes me not???), Got ahold of her and actually set up date, (likes me!), went on date and got kisses every place we went, (likes me!), (likes me!), called the next day-no call back, (Likes me not???) …
DBear! I’m adding up the tab, here, and then adding in the ‘store-to-store search’ experience and noting that you’re not the only one to not actually ‘hear’ from her!!! Her employees are pretty much used to; “We’ll see her when we see her … but we don’t take messages for her, 'cause we don’t know when we’ll hear from her…”
I’m convinced it’s you, guy, and all those tweaky things about you! No … wait … How’d YOUR brain-monkey get into My head?
Nope, I’m adding it all up and concluding she’s, what I heard a woman refer to as, “wearin’ a GuY Watch” as in, “I’ll call you …” translates into ‘sometime this century.’
I’m thinkin’ she has * ‘predictability impairment syndrome symptoms’*® … which Could end up *‘P.I.S.S.ing’*® you off … if you take them personally!
So… ya just keep it all casual in your brain and in your voice, and ya call every two or three days, as if you Had gotten a call back, and she’d actually told you, In Words, that she was unavailable for your prior invitation.
And ya roll along just as if this was the kinda woman who would Never make out with a guy she wasn’t attracted to! …
“Hey, Hi! Sorry we couldn’t hook-up last Monday afternoon. I was thinking of being up and in your neighborhood Friday Night, I hear there is a blues harp player at Wazzits Bar that plays some Great music!
Gimme a call, I’ll be up late, so you can call when-ever you get in!”
(awrite, so a guy with 3 pairs of black dress shoes would probably not say ‘Gimme’ … )
Or, you’ve also gotten NO negative feedback from doing the store-to-store search call pattern. Just get to know the people’s names who answer the phone …“Oh, hey, Michael, it’s Theresa’s friend DBear, got any idea which store she’s in?” Gotta be the only way her other friends find her, too!
**finds self thinkin’ probably just as well I was at the back door … would rather be His friend …
A good mom would never EVER say “I told you so.” So I won’t. I’ll just sit here with a smug little smile on my face, feeling all warm.
Gloating done. Thanks for the update, Davebear. It made my birthday that much better. Now I can go on vacation content in the knowledge that you’re rollerblading about 6" off the asphalt with a goofy grin on your face.
BTW; show that internal snide little doofus the door. Your joy is much deserved, as you are a sweet, funny, intelligent man with tons to offer.
Love,
Mama Mo.
Dream Girl! 
Hugs right back at you! LTNS! Nice to see you’re back (I hope). And, thank you. 
Aw, chill. She may be my Dream Girl, but we’s just buds.
Y’know, I think I could take that, more easily than this “Call me…when I won’t be there” game.
Ooh! Good diagnosis, Doc! (No, wait! You’re Wyatt…you can’t be Doc and Wyatt! And, who’s gonna be Virgil? Can I be Morgan?) But, how does being pissed upon (and that’s such an apt description of how it feels!) not qualify as personal? Sure feels personal. I suppose she could just be a total flake, when it comes to personal matters, but that seems so incongruous when compared to the totally together businesswoman side of her. Maybe it’s just that she can’t keep up with both, and chooses business over personal.
Aw, man. I so totally suck at casual! And, I suck at even faking it. Cuz’, it’s not casual, to me. Why would I pursue a woman I wasn’t interested in? I wouldn’t! And, if I’m interested, it’s not casual. Casual is going out with your co-workers, after work.
Well, actually, I do. Way too often. I only had to look good, when I was a consultant. I rarely had to speak to the clients; we have managerial people to do that, while I did the work.
That’s a possibility. I could probably do that. No, wait! I don’t have any legitimate reason to be calling the stores, any more. Cuz’ I have her home number, now. Not that it does me any good. sigh
Happy Birthday, Mama Mo!!! Enjoy your vacation! And, stop making me blush in front of the gang, would ya, Ma?
I’m reserving my comments until the latest update, because she may have called since early this morning…
Dave, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, I’m trying to help you out here! I’m speaking as a woman who’s gotten scared off by men who came on too strong and have scared a few off myself. Just trying to keep you from doing the same!
And Wyatt, since discovering Snood a few weeks ago, I haven’t got SHIT done. I’ve even gotten my assistant and her entire LARGE family totally hooked on it. It’s a sickness. But if you’re waiting for calls or emails (like I’m doing now, tee hee) it makes the time pass by much quicker.
And isn’t bejeweled the same thing as snood??
Whiterabbit, congrats to you as well, hope your trip goes nicely.
She hasn’t. 
No, I know that. And, I do appreciate it. I was just teasing you. Sorry if it didn’t come across that way. It’s just so hard for me to follow that advice. Even though I’ve scared off at least one woman, that way.
Oh, and I looked at the Snood site, which looks very nice and professional, except for one thing; they don’t give you any information on the game, itself. I guess you’re supposed to know what it is?
But, I don’t think I’m cut out for the dating scene, if this is normal behavior amongst women. We (men) make it clear we want to spend time with you (women). You want to spend time with us, though you don’t often make that very clear. WHY, then, do you torture us with this waiting game BS? What’s the point?
To avoid appearing overly eager? Why? We’d love some eagerness! Unless you hook up with a freakazoid, it isn’t going to change how we behave towards you except, possibly, to make us happy, and a little more eager to please you, in return. And, it won’t help, with the freakazoids. They’ll just stalk you.
I’m not talking about jumping into bed on the first date. I’m just talking about returning calls, answering emails, behaving like a freaking adult, for crying out loud! You treat co-workers you’d never consider dating better than that. You treat total strangers with more consideration (Well, some of you do. If you don’t, I don’t want to date you, anyway.) than that. But, a man who thinks you’re special, and wants to spend time with you, get to know you, do little romantic things for you, have fun with you? No, him you treat like a bad dog. This, people, is nuts! It makes no sense!
You want to “take your time” getting to know him? Why? What’s the advantage of taking months to accomplish something that you could do in weeks, maybe even days? You want him to prove he’s really interested in you? Well, give him a friggin’ chance! How’s he supposed to know, if you won’t talk to the poor bastard! You want to see how patient he can be? Yeah, well, I fail that test, but your average stalker will pass with flying colors. And, you ladies who insist on being pursued diligently, over a lengthy period of time? Good plan. :rolleyes: Weed out the nice, normal guys who just give up in disgust, leaving just the stalkers and weirdos to continue the chase. That’ll give you more ammunition to complain about how there are no nice guys out there.
Hmmm…getting a little bitter, there, Dave. Time for chocolate, I think.
Time for a freaking crate of chocolate there Dave!
Stalking is creepy… I’ve been there! I think people need to just lay it all on the table… what they want and expect in a partner and what they are planning to give. Easier on everyone that way
Unless you’re a teenager and don’t have a clue what you want - thus all the games to pretend like you’re being mysterious.
That’s okay Dave, I figured you were teasing, I just wanted to be sure. She could be not returning your calls for a couple of reasons:
#1. She could be trying to “drag out” the initial courting. Yes, it’s stupid. No, I’ve never done it myself, but I’ve known some women who have done it. If she’s had a lot of bad relationships, she may just be trying to savor the beginning butterflies for as long as she can. It’s a wonderful feeling, you can’t really fault someone for wanting to bask in it (well, you can because it’s horrible for the other party but I think you get what I’m trying to say).
#2. She wants to see how you’ll react if she doesn’t contact you for a few days. Will you freak? Will you start calling everyone she knows? Not really a nice thing to do, but it’s a damn good way to find out someone’s true nature. If a guy starts wiggin’ out (publicly, of course you’ll wig out in private, that’s completely normal) if he can’t reach you in the very beginning stages of a relationship, that’s a BAD sign.
#3. She might just be crazy busy. She has two businesses you said? That’s got to keep someone pretty darn busy. It’s only Monday, your date was Saturday night, it may feel like an eternity, but it really hasn’t been long at all.
#4. A lot of men out there are all about the chase, once the pursuit is over, they loose interest. She may just be trying to keep your interest. Kind of like being overly eager. For a lot of men, if there’s no percieved challenge, they don’t bother. I know you’re not like that, but she might not know that.
#5. Well, you know what number 5 is. But it really is too soon to even consider that.
And the snood website didn’t say anything about the game? It didn’t say “download snood for free!” ?
Wierd.
Keep us posted.
#3.
I want her to call you…I would’ve.
Well, the chocolate helped, but not much. And, yes, stalking is creepy. And evil. I was talking to a young lady, at work, about it, today. She’s been stalked by three different men, recently. At least, she says she has.
But, laying it out on the table is all I’m asking. Tell me you’re going to be out of touch for a week, and I’ll be fine. I’ll miss you, but at least I won’t be wondering WTF is going on. If you want to see me, again, but can’t until next weekend, fine. Say so, so I know where I stand, and I’ll be perfectly happy. I’d rather talk to you more often than that, but if you’re too busy, I can accept that. Just SAY so! And, if you’re willing to go out with me, just because I’m the only one asking, but I’m otherwise of no importance or interest, well, hell…say that, and I’ll leave you alone. But, say something. This just isn’t right.
Yeah, I suppose that could be it, but wouldn’t she want to talk to, or email, me to keep the flies buttering? For me, the feeling only lasts a few hours beyond the last contact, until there’s some reasonable belief that the relationship is going somewhere. Maybe it’s different for other people.
No, it’s not a nice thing to do. It’s disrespectful, and I would never treat a woman I was dating that way. And, if I did, I wouldn’t expect her to forgive me, easily. Possibly, not at all.
So, why is it a “BAD sign” if the guy “wigs out”? What’s it a sign of? That he’s infatuated, possibly falling for the woman, and concerned for her when she drops off the planet? Or, that he’s a demented, obsessive lunatic? And, how do you tell the difference, given that the two would behave the same way, to a large extent?
You could say that I wigged out. I didn’t call all over, looking for her, but I wanted to. What does that say about my “true nature”? I have my opinion, but an honest outside opinion would be good to have.
Well, yes, they keep her busy because she chooses to let them. According to what she’s told me, she could just as easily be in Bermuda, and the businesses would run themselves. And, no, it wouldn’t be long, at all, if I weren’t waiting to hear from her.
Yeah, yeah. Those nitwit hunter types. Such a pain in the neck. I think she knows I’m not that type, but I could be giving her too much credit. I’m not a hunter. I’m a lover, by preference; a warrior when I have to be; a hunter only in direst need.
Giving up? I’ve thought about it, many times (well, it’s not like I’ve been thinking about much else, besides this situation). Why is it too soon? If this is her true nature, it isn’t going to work out for us. Call me needy, or high maintenance, or whatever, but I need more from a relationship than this.
Yes, I know it’s not really a relationship, yet. But, I have no way of knowing if this silence is going to go on forever. She told me her last lover dumped her because she wasn’t available enough. I thought that meant she was working too much for his taste, but maybe he really meant she couldn’t be bothered with him, any more than she can be bothered with me.
Hell, at this point, I don’t even know if I’ll even be seeing her, again. We don’t have another date set up. And, we can’t set one up, because there’s no freaking communication.
Yes, it did. But, it didn’t tell you what Snood was; only that you could download it, for free. Ummm…no thanks.
Hah! That’s a joke, right? Like I have anything better to do.
Let’s see… tired, frustrated, and bitter. Yep! Time for bed.
Awww Daaaave! Comon’
Download snood, I promise you’ll love it.
I totally agree with you about the communication. As a matter of fact, I recently dumped my b/f of two years because he just disappeared for over a week. That week was hell and when he came back I told him I couldn’t be with someone who would intentionally leave me hanging like that and that I needed to be with someone I could depend on. Of course, we were in a two year long relationship, you guys have only known each other for what, a little over a week? All I’m saying is that you’ve got to play this cool, if you decide you do want to pursue a relationship with her. If she’s just “like this” meaning being kind of a flake, it’s best you know this now. Obviously, you don’t deal well with flakes. I understand, neither do I and I’ve ended freindships over it. Thing is, you’ve got to seperate yourself from your emotions for a little bit and think about this logically. When she does contact you (and she will) pay very close attention to how she acts. Don’t demand an explanation, just be cool, and she how she acts. If she doesn’t even aknowlege the fact that she hadn’t returned your calls or emails, girlfriend is a flake and it’ll end up doing nothing but driving you insane.
How you’re feeling (in terms of wigging) is totally natural. It’s how you act that matters. Yeah, if a guy I’ve only known for a week or so started calling my work and leaving me tons of messages and emails because I hadn’t called him in two days, I’d be running for the hills. Wait a couple of days and if you haven’t heard from her, call her again. Don’t sound annoyed or anxious, just call her, ask her out again.
As far as the butterflies go (flies in the butter, I love it), mine’ll start dancing whenever I think about whomever I’m seeing. I guess everyone’s different that way.
Stay calm, breathe and do whatever you can do to try and take your mind off of it. Everything will work out the way it should.
Time for Chocolate!!! rotfl!
Yup, D.Bear! Funniest thing I ever heard, in this category, was a woman I persued the best my polite little self could, for nearly a year … till I surrendered to her not seeming to be able to work me into her schedule … only to find out later, from a mutual friend, “I think the biggest problem she had was she could never figure out if you were trying to date her, or just trying to make friends. She usually seems to end up with Bad Boys, I don’t think she means to … she just does …” ROTFL, the hint being, if I’d just quit being so polite, and sorta dragged her to the bedroom, THEN my message woulda been clear. chuckle
As for Snood, they’ll let you down load and play it without purchase, it is a GREAT game… though Now I’m seriously hooked on Bejeweled (timed version) and Alchemy, both from PopCap.com. All three, thinking combined with skill, with a very addictive nature … none of them being “jolt-reflexes” games … so often better suited to folks with younger reflexes than you or I.
(oh, crap, now I’m gonna end up in a grammer thread… :smack: I surrender, would that correctly be “you or me” or “you or I”???)
Davebear, remember that dreadful book that came out a few years ago called “The Rules” or some such, which gave women rules for snaring their man? It was annoying as all getout, but I distinctly remember one of the rules was to the effect of, “Call him seldom if at all. The less you call him, the more he’ll call you.” Just to test it out, I stopped calling Papa Tiger at work for about a week. By the end of that time, he was calling me at LEAST four or five times a day. Drove me nuts. I went back to calling him.
So maybe she’s a “Rules” girl!
Anyway, give it a couple days. And then if you ever connect up with her again, just tell her what you’re telling us – that you’re not a crazy stalker, you’d just like her to extend to you the common courtesy of occasional communication. And if she can’t do that much, yup, she’s a flake and not worth wasting your time on.
But hey, look at it this way – if this doesn’t work out, you’re still learning lots about yoursel from this experience, and it will pay off when you meet someone who’s good enough for you!
This whole “stalking” business is a pet peeve of mine. It’s aggravating, I have been accused of stalking when I really wasn’t. At other times, I felt like a stalker and then it was well received. Therefore my conclusion is, that people complain about stalking all the time when things are not going the way they want things to go - if you’ve got a problem with me having an interest in you (the general you, not “you” as in Davebear, heh) then for the love of og, just tell me to leave you alone and I will! Instead people are creeped out, tell stories behind my back and act weird in front of me, instead of just spilling out what’s on their mind. Aggravating indeed!
Sorry for the hijack 
So far, I’ve just been tuning in to offer congratulations here, but I have to second Mama Tiger’s point.
When you saw her on Saturday, did you mention/discuss how the previous week’s lack of communication had felt for you?
EVEN if she is afraid of rushing things, EVEN if she is trying to play it cool, EVEN if whatever…you deserve the courtesy of a return phone call, if only a quick message saying, “Gosh, things are even crazier than I thought they would be this week, but I am still alive and thinking of you.”
This whole situation is driving me kinda crazy, both because I know that you’re a really nice guy who doesn’t deserve this (and who is willing to teach relative strangers how to scratch on the 8-ball) and because it seems to be highlighting all the game-playing shit that women have been trying to claim that they don’t do anymore.
In my case Optihut. EVERY time I saw him I told him he was creeping me out and that our relationship was over and that I never wanted to see me again.
He would reply that I didn’t know what I was talking about and that I needed him and would soon figure that out.
I never did figure out that I needed him but eventually he did find someone else to bother. He would appear outside my dorm room or my classes or where I worked or wherever I was poof like magic. Every day. Very creepy.
Oh and I must be the only person on the planet that doesn’t really care one way or the other about snood. Parallax loves it and would play on the train all the time. I’ve played a few games when bored and with no other options but it wasn’t all that engrossing.
No, I don’t deal well with flakes. I don’t even like them as friends, if they’re the disappearing type. (Other types are easier to deal with.)
As for the brief time we’ve known each other, well some of you are going to decide I’m a flake, if you haven’t seen me say this before (and I have, so you may already think I’m a flake), but time is basically irrelevant to me, in these matters. I have always been able to tell if I’m compatible with someone within a matter of minutes; sometimes seconds. Sometimes without talking to them, first. I know it sounds flaky, but it’s been absolutely reliable, my entire life. Friends, girlfriends, lovers, enemies, you name it. I can generally (I have to be paying attention) spot them in a heartbeat (so to speak). I have, on occasion, let my gonads override my judgement, as in the cases of my first wife and the first girlfriend after her. And, sometimes outside influences, such as family or friends or age differences, have interfered, as in the case of my first and second soulmates. But, it’s never been wrong about a woman. (It was, once, wrong about a man I thought would turn out to be an enemy. He was just having an incredibly bad week.)
I knew, the first time I saw Theresa smile, before I even approached her, that we’d be compatible. And, we are. Incredibly so! (If it weren’t for this damn communication issue.) I know, from having had this conversation before, that other people aren’t like that. At least, most people either aren’t, or don’t trust it. I don’t understand that, but I’m aware of it. But, it makes it that much harder to deal with the silly game playing, knowing that, if we can just get past this, we’re good.
Yeah, that’s what I figured on doing. Nice to know this is natural, though, even if it sucks.
Well, it’s not that I don’t feel anything, when we’re apart. But, in my case, it’s more of a low-level nerve buzz. Maybe you could say the butterflies are just drowsing on a nice flower, and don’t get fluttering until there’s contact, again.
I’ve got to go get ready for work, now. I’ll adress everyone else’s comments, later. Sorry.
Well, Dave, as a fellow HWhOA (Human Who Over Analyzes), I can feel your pain. And if I was fogging up the windows with someone and told them to call me and they did and I missed the call (which is unlikely as I would be stupidly making excuses to be right near the phone until it rang the right way), I would call them back. And if they didn’t call, I would cleverly and seemlessly vacillate between worrying that they’re all right and wanting to hurt them if they are. (Not really hurt them, you know what I mean, I’d be aggravated, frustrated and angry.) And in between I would analyze every moment of the last time I communicated with them to figure out what I had done to cause them not to call or where I may have missed or mixed up a signal. “Let’s see, did he say he would call or was I suppose to call him. When he said I’ll call you, did he say it with a definite tone or was it more of a Let’s Do Lunch Sometime attitude. Exactly what pitch was the note of his last word. Was it middle C or was it perhaps C-sharp which is of course an entirely different pitch and means something else entirely. He said ‘the’. Did he say it like ‘thee’ or ‘tha’. When I said I liked buttercups, maybe he has an aversion to buttercups and hates people who like buttercups and he didn’t realize it til later and now he hates me cause I like buttercups. Damn buttercups. I hate them now. Ooh, ooh, I hate buttercups now. Maybe I should call and tell him that. It is clearly important after all. It could change our entire relationship. Unless he was out picking some buttercups and unknowingly stepped in a hive of killer bees and they swarmed all over him and stung him to near death and he’s lying in a hospital bed, calling my name and saying ‘I just wanted to get rid of the buttercups for HER.’ I better call all of the hospitals on the Eastern Seaboard and one in Venezuela, just in case they were Venezuelan buttercups…I wonder what he thinks of aardvarks? I should call and ask him. It could change our entire relationship…”
Now, I wouldn’t actually go through with any of these thoughts, but they would be there. Well, maybe not exactly like that, but close.
And as HWhOAs, we must stop ourselves. We must be strong. We must not let the bad thoughts rule. They’re generally silly and the other person has no clue. (And why does it only happen with certain relationships? I’m generally fairly confident and strong in many areas, but certain relationships…ack) She may just be different in that way. Busy and doesn’t worry about things. It boggles MY mind, but she may just be a generally easy going, happy person who just goes with the flow and lives in the moment. And maybe that’s a good thing for you to be around.
But in the meantime, EXACTLY how did you leave things. What were the plans, the last things said. Did she say “thee” or “tha”? Were any buttercups involved? And most importantly, how does she feel about aardvarks?
I’d like to share a personal nugget, which may ease Dave’s mind (or at least give him a little hope). I went through something similar with my current SO. There’s a close parallel here–he lives an hour and a half away from me (so those CAN work, even though in my case, I swore I’d never get involved in a long distance relationship again). Now, this guy and I had been friends for about a year and a half, and even though there was incredible chemistry, we didn’t get together sooner because of–you guessed it, communication. So FINALLY, after much heartache and overanalyzation (my friends were so sick of hearing about him), I went to visit him, and sparks flew! We ended up fogging up, er, his couch, had a wonderful time, etc, etc. So I invited him to come visit me the next weekend. I said I’d take off work if he thought he could make it, but I’d try to pick up some extra shifts if he couldn’t-no big deal (even though I was waiting with bated breath for his answer); I was trying to play it cool. A day goes by. Another. And another. Is he coming or not??? I’m a total basket case. Finally, in desperation (and irritation), I emailed him and told him that if he couldn’t make it, that was fine, but I really needed to know so I could make arrangements for work. And he finally called and told me that, yes, he’d love to come. The entire time I’d been going bonkers, wondering what the hell was going on in his mind or if something had happened. I decided that he was Time Cognition Impaired–he just didn’t get it that, when I made the offer, I expected a prompt reply. And later I found out that he’d been thinking about little else but me the entire time (the weekend was spectacular, if anyone cares). Now, he’s in friggin’ Cyprus, and is super busy directing a project, and I haven’t seen him for 2 months, and won’t see him for another month. So you can imagine my frustration at the lack of emails. However, he does call me about once a week, something he wouldn’t do if he didn’t miss me and think about me.
My (rather long-winded) point is, that she might simply be Time Cognition Impaired. It’s possible that she simply doesn’t realize you’re going nuts wondering about her right now, and there’s every possibility that she’s thinking about you as much as you’re thinking about her. That doesn’t make the situation less annoying, but all I’m trying to say is, don’t give up. Next time you see her (and I suspect there will be a next time), play it cool, but let her know that you were a little concerned (means the same thing as worried, but sounds less pushy) when she didn’t return your phone call. She did ask you to call her, after all. Find out what was going through her mind–she might simply be a little freaked at the chemistry and is trying to take it slowly.
That said, I completely understand your frustration and hope she calls soon. And Snood is utterly addictive–it’s EVIL, I tell you.