The other day, getting my sixteen month old dressed, he wouldn’t stand still so I could get his shirt on. I stood him up on the changing table, held his arms, and looked at him very sternly. And said “Chill.”
He looked right back at me, grinned, and said “Chi-ill, Mama!”. (Imagine the accent of Paula Deen on the cutest little boy ever 
).
Now he walks around and if something gets in his way, he yells “CHI-ILL!” at it 
.
So cute, these stories.
We celebrate Christmas, but my brother-in-law and his family celebrate Hannukah. Last year, their visited overlapped with part of Hannukah, and we were at my in-laws’ house on one of the nights. We turned down the kitchen lights, one of the grownups lit the menorah, and my niece sang a prayer. It was quite lovely.
Then, my son (2 at the time) pipes up with, “Happy Birthday to you…” 
These days, I’m trying to watch my language around my kids, after an incident in the car when I heard my then-4-year-old daughter sigh and say, “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” :o
Anyhow, my son, who is now 3, will often pipe up with “Holy moly!”
You know, I’m about to submit this, and I just know that it’s not as funny to anyone reading it as it is to me. You’ll just have to trust me—it’s cute.
Oh, to anyone with kids, it’s cute and funny!
My eldest son was talking pretty good at about three, but he couldn’t quite get his brother’s name, Douglas, so it came out Dubbie. One day the youngest, just learning to talk, was jabbering some nonsensical sounds when the eldest looked at him and said, “Tawk wite Dubbie!”.
My wife and I both cracked up while the boys looked at us, wondering what was so funny.
And to most of us without kids, too. 
(Grr, that was meant to follow behind WhyNot’s post.)
These are great!
When my daughter was about two and half, if she’d drop something she’d sometimes sigh and resignedly say, “Oh damn it.” I’ve cleaned up my act around her and she stopped, thank goodness.
I may have posted this before, but it fits well here -
Me: How about we go for a walk?
4yo: Mommy, I’m not really up for a walk right now.
Similarly -
Me: (Harping on her about something or other)
4yo: Mommy, give it a rest.
I laughed.
Then again, my toddler knows how to say ‘shit’ in the proper context. :o
Somebody taught my four year old cousin to sing “bom chicka waa waa.” 
My 3 year old, Ben, is very into superheroes, and now he won’t brush his teeth unless someone is telling him a story about the Justice League (obviously, he’s never seen it, but we have action figures). These usually involve Good Superman, Good Batman, Good Flash, and Good Green Lantern fighting Bad Superman, Bad Batman, Bad Flash, and Bad Green Lantern, who do any number of Very Bad Things, like take other people’s food without asking first. Before Halloween, these stories always ended with the Bad Superfriends learning a lesson and then joining the Good Superfriends and our family for a picnic. But ever since he was Superman and his older brother was Green Lantern for Halloween, the stories all end with Ben putting on his Superman costume and putting the Bad Superfriend in question into time out (frequently in a cage made by his brother’s power ring). And then, everyone has a picnic. He will interrupt the story if it’s not headed in that direction and correct us.
My 6 year old, Aaron, tells really bad knock knock jokes. His latest goes like this:
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
And then I make him stop. He also loves magic tricks and likes to make coins disappear by showing us the coin, then telling us to close our eyes, and then throwing it on the wooden floor as we pretend we can’t hear it, and then having us open our eyes to see that it’s disappeared. Then, of course, we have to close our eyes while he desperately searches for the coin on the floor. He’s very good.
Somewhere around two or three, my oldest came running in, very concerned. “The wokkabees get me,” he said, and repeated. Having no idea what a wokkabee was, I had him show me. He took my hand and led me out to a line of ants on the back porch.
I guess bees were the only insects he knew the name of, and he knew that these were different and they didn’t fly; ergo walk-a-bees.
It’s fun watching their minds work. I showed him how they made a line, and that if he didn’t step onto the line, they wouldn’t crawl on him.
Someone I worked with had one of those adorable, angelic-looking, blonde, curl-haired, pink-and-white little daughters. She was at the potty-training age. One evening he was the one to get her off to bed, and he told her it was time to use the potty. “I don’t have to use the potty.” “Yes, <child’s name>, you should try to use the potty now.” “I don’t have to use the potty!” Another entreaty was followed by “I don’t have to use the f*cking potty!” He almost died.
When my sister was seven, we went to Disneyland and she had glow-in-the-dark butterfly clips in her hair. Throughout the day, people made comments about them.
The next day as my mom was getting the clips in her hair, my sister said “It seems everyone was quite taken with my butterfly clips yesterday.”
The other night, my daughters put on a show, singing Christmas carols for us. As atheists, my wife and I had a hard time stifling our laughter when our seven-year-old didn’t know how to pronounce “Christ”. (She said it like “Chris” with a T at the end.) I guess those years in Christian pre-school didn’t stick.