Oh, That Wacky, Zany O.J.!

That zenith of the Respectable Publishing World, The NY Post, has a front-page article today (slow news day?) about O.J. Simpson’s interview with Scientologist/Tee-Vee Hostess Greta Van Susteren:

June 4, 2004 – LOS ANGELES — In an interview marking the 10th anniversary of Nicole Brown Simpson’s murder, O.J. Simpson virtually blames his ex-wife for her own slaying . . . The disgraced grid legend makes the offhanded comments in a TV interview with Fox News Channel’s Greta Van Susteren. During the interview, which airs Monday at 10 p.m., Simpson shamelessly plugs a prank reality-TV show he claims to be developing. Simpson compared it to MTV’s show featuring actor Ashton Kutcher pulling stunts. “It’s a takeoff on something called ‘Punk’d.’ It’s me doing gags as, as Juice. Juice. What they call ‘juicing’ people,” he said. “[On a scale of 1-10], it’s 7 or 8, that it’s gonna happen.”

[I guess a “10” would be him slashing contestants to death?]

In commenting on Kobe Bryant’s case, Simpson appeared to mock the concept of date rape, saying “no” doesn’t always mean “no.” “I have certainly in my life, had girls come to the room, and say ‘no’ or say whatever. And when I was a kid growing up, just about every girl said ‘no’ once,” a laughing Simpson said. “You know, they had to, because you’d think they were a slut or something. In my opinion, ‘date rape,’ and ‘stranger rape,’ are two different things entirely.”

With the grisly June 12 anniversary next week, Simpson said he and the two children he had with Nicole — Sydney, 18, and Justin, 16 — have already toasted their mom’s memory. I don’t look at the anniversary. I regret the fact that we even had to know that this is the anniversary. I did [mark the occasion] a few days ago. I did have my kids at dinner, at a Benihana-type place," Simpson said. "And, I said, ‘OK, we gotta toast. This would have been your mother’s 45th birthday.’ "

[“Hey, kids—to celebrate your Mom’s birthday, let’s go to a restaurant where they hack up meat right in front of you!”]

Dare we hope that this interview is the first prank in his new show?

That O.J., he sure is funny. Always the prankster.

OJ: “Hey, they planted my blood. That LA PD sure is funny. What’s that? They tested some blood and the DNA matches mine? Wait a minute, my lawyer has shown that there was mishandling and that it skewed the DNA results. There is no way that blood is mine!”

“But, O.J., you said they planted your blood, so it should match yours.”

OJ: “Oh, man, I’m gonna make this a sketch. Who is on first…”

I’d say move this to the Pit so I can say what I really think about OJ, but it’s all been said before. I will say this however:

“O.J.! Go away! You got off lucky! Just slink away never to be seen or heard from again!”

:wally

The best part is where he expresses anger at Nicole for not being there for the children.

“There are times I am angry at her… There are things that she could [have been] doing with the kids better than I, you know?”

I want to make a more layered joke than “Should’ve thought of that before you killed her,” but that’s all I can get out before the thought loops back around.

Some people still defend him. Some women still flock to him. The mind absolutely freakin’ boggles.

I rarely wish a crippling, debilitating disease on someone, but O.J…

Where is Sweeney Todd when you really need him? :smiley:

He should just crawl right back under that rock of his and stay there this time.

This totally pissed me off. The director of the CIA resigns, yet both the Post and the Daily News have OJ on front page. :rolleyes:

Dear God. :eek: I pray the irony is lost on those poor kids.

I can’t help but wonder how the children can look at the same evidence we looked at (now that they’re older) and still be able to be in the same room with him. I almost feel like they’re afraid to doubt his integrity through this. Like they’re going to get the same treatment if they defy him the way she did.

I remember back during the trial reading about how Simpson date raped Nicole on their first date. She returned home with her clothes actually ripped and tattered from the attack, according to a (I believe) family friend of the Browns.

He’s just about as despicable as they get.

I heard that the interview is an hour long. What on earth could this guy have to say that anyone would want to actually take time out of their lives and listen to? I’m not even sure I’d tune in if he booked five minutes of air time to broadcast his confession.

I hear he used to play for the Bills…

(The Demon Running Back of Rockingham Ave.?)

O.J. as Mrs. Lovitt:

A customer!
Wait, want a plate-oh?
What’s your hurry?
You gave me such a
fright I thought you was Kato
Half a minute count to six
Sit you down
Sit
All I meant is that I haven’t had a film offer in years
Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head’s all a-chuckle.
What is that?
But you’d think me Fatty Arbuckle
From the way the people
Keep avoiding
No you don’t sir
Heaven knows I try sir
But there’s no one comes in to my garden
Right you are sir. Would you like a taste of Darden?
Mind you I can’t hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in Brentwood
I know why nobody cares to take them
I should know, I make them
But good know
The worst pies in Brentwood
They might bark
The worst pies in Brentwood
Tastes just like Marcia Clarke?
Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it.
It’s nothing but crusting.
Here drink this, you’ll need it
The worst pies in Brentwood
And no wonder with the price of gloves
What you eat
Who you loves
Never thought I’d live to see the day
Meant to think it was a trick
Finding poor
waiters
What? A dyin’ in the street
Robert Blake has a pie shop
Does a business, but I’ve noticed something weird
His new wife’s disappeared
‘Ave to hand it to him
What a cause
Enterprise
Poppin’ wifies into pies
Wouldn’t do in my shop
Just the thought of it’s enough to make you sick
And I tell you them bleached blondes is quick
No denying times is hard, sir
Even harder than the worst pies in Brentwood
Only lard and nothing more is
That just revolting
All greasy and gritty
It looks like it’s molting
And tastes like…
Well, pretty . . .
A man alone
With limited wind
And the worst pies in Brentwood
Ah, sir, times is hard!
Times is hard!

**Brava! Encore! Bravissima! ** :slight_smile:

He also criticizes the Goldmans and Browns for profitting on the murders.

Uhhh…O.J. what’s putting your sorry over-the-hill murdering ass on TV and the front page. Why don’t you just accuse Fred Goldman and the Browns of committing the murders?

That crazy OJ, he sure is one cut-up isn’t he.

From an AOL message board:

Kill Your wife - 5 Million in Attorney Fee’s
Kill her Friend - lose 3 Million Civil suit
Play around of Golf - 125 Dollars
Get off scott free - PRICELESS

snif Oh, Eve, I’m so touched! dabs eyes with hankie

And this thread has most definitely been forwarded to my Sondheim-fanatic friend, for whom I played Johanna back in the day…