Oh, They're Soooo CUTE!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

You know what I’m talking about. They make your lives miserable for no reason at all, but somehow once in a while will come out the those gems. They’re your parents.

A little background… My mother is as white bread and as naive as they come. While on the phone long distance with her, she complained that she

“never gets to talk with (my little bro) anymore, he’s too busy for her, oh, where did she go wrong.”

Relax ma, he’s fine, hasn’t been hooking for some time now.

“That’s not funny, those people take money for a sacred act between…”

fade out and start to yes her to death for the next ten minutes. So I suggest she try email. Then he can write back to her when he gets the time.

“Well, I don’t know.”

What? It’s easier than playing phone tag I say.

“There’s something funny about his email address.”

Yeah, What?

“His email address is [his email]@HOTMAIL.com. C’mon miamouse, you don’t think I know what HOTMAIL means?”

She didn’t believe me, I had to get off the phone with her so that my father could fire up the computer.

Basically, I want you to let us know the wonderful misunderstandings and flubbs your parents (or other older people) have laid on you that had you on the floor.

2

Oh, my mom’s a good one for this.

Bobkitty (whilst planning for a trip to Las Vegas sans Mr. Kitty): Yeah, I leave on the 27th. Should be a great time!

Mamakitty: I don’t think you should go. Please don’t go. How can Mr. Kitty let you go, knowing what’s going on in the world today?

BK: Uhhhh… yeah. Anyway, the hotel’s booked, and KittyBuddies will be spending the night before here so we can go to the airport together.

MK: Well, if you do go, don’t drink.

BK: Uhhhh… Mom, that’s the purpose of the trip. Stay in hotel equals drinking.

MK: No, you shouldn’t drink because if you drink you’ll have sex, and then you’ll get kidnapped and they’ll turn you into a Saudi Arabian or something.

:rolleyes:

Of course, this is the same woman who said, in response to me telling her I may have MS, came back with (in all seriousness): Oh, bobkitty… you don’t want MS.

But geez, mom… it’s all I have on my Christmas list. I really had my heart set on it. I’ve been really, really good this year. Argh.

-BK [sub]who DID go to Las Vegas, DID drink, but managed to not have sex, get kidnapped, or turned into a Saudi Arabian[/sub]

3

I don’t know if this quite fits the OP, but it was a bizarre Mum moment, so I’ll share it.

My mother had always been a bit straight-laced. One of those people who thinks you’re an alcoholic if you have one glass of wine with dinner on a special occasion. Apparently, this was because she’d suffered from severe depression since she was a teenager. A couple of years back, she finally sought treatment.

The anti-depressents had kicked in by my 21st birthday, which was a good thing it turned out. My friends were in the kitchen, talking and laughing, some were sitting outside smoking. My little brother was in his bedroom with his girlfriend Sarah. No one was worried about them because his shades weren’t drawn - if they’d looked, any of the people outside could have seen in at any moment. Also, his bedroom door was open.

My mother had a cocktail known as a fluffy duck with her dinner. She’d never had one before (that whole paranoia about alcohol), but the name intrigued her so she wanted to try one. She loved it! But one was certainly enough - even though she only sipped it all through dinner, by the end she was flushed and giggly. Feeling a little silly and a little happy, Mum decided to sneak up the hall to my brother’s room, and jump in and surprise him and Sarah. She crept up the hallway, trying not to giggle, and when she reached his door she peered into his room. Her face changed, and she turned and ran away.

We followed her to see what was going on, and she was standing there laughing so hard that tears were running down her face. We asked what she saw, and (choking on laughter), she managed to describe that she’d seen my brother standing up with his back against the wall beside his window - and Sarah on her knees in front of him. That’s all she saw before she ran off, but unlike the Mum of pre-Prozac days, she was laughing her head off about it.

I tell you, it was totally surreal. My mother caught my little brother getting you-know-what from his girlfriend, and instead of going into hysterics and throwing the girl out, she laughed for an hour. My brother has never lived this down, although to this very day he still insists that Sarah was tying his shoelace for him (yeah… sure!). It was a very strange night indeed!!

4

I just thought of one more. A couple of years ago, my mom and grandma are watching TV. A word is used that granma doesn’t understand. The conversation went like this:

Granma: What’s a blowjob?
Mom (hemmin’ and hawin’): Um, that’s oral sex.
Granma: What on god’s green earth is oral sex?

Poor mom. I left the room, I couldn’t take it. Laughing would’ve been like an admission of guilt in front of grams.

5

Here’s an example:

It’s almost Mother’s Day. A holiday I HATE. I’ve never had a good Mother’s Day. I’m at lunch with my mother, who starts in on the “what are your plans for that day” crap.

ME: I’m staying home. Or maybe going out by myself.

MOM: You’re not coming to my house?

ME: No. Why don’t you come to my house instead?

MOM: It’s too far to drive (it’s 45 minutes for crying out loud!). And anyway, you should come see me since I’M the mother.

ME: I’M a mother, too - with three young kids. Why should I pile them in the car, dealing with car seats and stuff when you and stepdad can just hop in the car and come up?

MOM: Mother’s Day is a day to honor YOUR mother. It’s a LAW.

ME: :rolleyes:

MOM: Why don’t you love your family anymore?

ME: Gotta go.

6

I have a Grandma moment, if that counts.

When I was about 13 I was big into Michael Jackson. Grandma was knocking around the local discount department store one day and found this white top with a picture of Mike’s sunglasses, trademark silver glove, and “Thriller!” written across the front. She snapped it up and brought it home for me.

At which point we realized that it didn’t say “Thriller!” it said “Thrill Her!” and the glove was strategically positioned to look like it was grabbing the left breast of the wearer. I think the conversation was my mom saying, “Ma, look closer at this” and Grandma peering, mouth dropping open, “It doesn’t say that!” “Yes it does, Ma!”

I was just tickled, of course, and insisted on wearing it around the house; Grandma was initially embarrassed but ended up giggling along with the rest of us.

7

When my brother ws in high school, he and Mom were discussing how to make chicken fried steak. Mom said “Well, first you beat your meat” Apparently this was too much for my brother to hear from Mom and he got really embarrassed. And yes, Mom did know the alternative meaning to this phrase. :smiley:

OTOH, when I was in HS, Mom and I went shopping at a mall in Big Spring, TX. There was a vendor selling really small decorated pipes obviously NOT for tobacco. Mom picked one up and exclaimed “What a cute pipe!” Which got the typical teenager whine “Moooooom” from me.

8

my father was always buying the latest new gadget for his mom and dad (my grandparets) because if he didn’t, they would still have the same shit from 1921 in thier house. anyway, grandma is sitting in her chair, watching tv. she wants to watch the lawrence welk show (natch!) and gets up to change the channel. i ask her “why don’t you use the remote control?”
she says “oh, i dont know how to work those things” and mumbles some other gibberish.
i tell her “the keypad is the same as on the front of the tv, you do it the same way”
“well, i dont want to use that”

i finally badger her to admitting why she wont use it.

“it’s lible to cause a fire!”

9

I had a moment like that a while ago. My mom’s brother and her insisted upon buying my grandparents a computer and setting it up for them so we could all exchange emails. My mom was willing to donate her old laptop, so my entire family went to their house to set it up. When we got there, it was like something out of a Gateway commerical, all of us trying to set up the computer and teaching them how to use it. It was really funny. Well anywho, my uncle decided to teach my grandfather how to use AIM so he could talk to us online as well as email. He set up his screen name and such and put all of the family members on the buddy list. It turned out that my cousin was online at work, so my uncle started to show him how to “talk” online, etc. A few minutes later, my grandfather, who was quite bewiledered, said “Why can’t I see him?”. My uncle explained to him that it was online and was kind of like the telephone. My grandfather replied,“Well then what good is the screen for if I can’t see him, fer cryin’ out loud! Isn’t it like the televsison? Maybe it’s broke…”

It was very very hard not to laugh. :slight_smile:

10

A few years back as my mother was putting away groceries and complaining how much my dad eats. As she was complaining she said “He eats me out.” Two of my nephews (ages 14 and 17) started laughing and I slapped them both across the back of the head and tried desperately not to laugh myself. She just kept going though and I still don’t think she knows what she said.

11

SCENE: My wife meets my parents for the first time.

We drive up to Chicago. We bring mot of the stuff in when my fiance remembers she left something in the car. While she’s out, my dad asks me if I want a beer. I say yes. “Does Marie drink beer?” Oh yea dad, we both like to drink beer (hell black label was 2.99 a twelver).

My wife comes in, a beer is sitting there waiting for her. She sits down, takes a sip. My Mom starts out the conversation, “So, Marie, I HEAR YOU’RE A SLUT.”

Her eyes get big, mine get bigger because I know what’s going through her mind ("what did you tell your mother???!!!). I ask, “MOM, do you know what a slut is?” “Yeah, someone who likes to drink.” “No ma, that’s a souse, a slut is a girl who sleeps around.” “Oh, she knew what I meant”.

As if calling her an alcoholic was all that much better. My wife now loves my mom as if she were her own–I’m still trying to figure out how that happened.

12

Poor mom? How about poor grandpa?