OK, you love Jesus. We get it already!

[ultrafilter]

*Originally posted by Eve *
**See, when he only had 18 or 19 bumper stickers on, Jesus started sulking. “You don’t really love me at all, do you? That guy down the block has 28 bumper stickers and a fish decal . . . But that’s alright . . . Don’t worry about me . . . Just go on and do your errands, I’ll sit here in the dark and eat cigarette butts like a dog . . .” **

I’m so glad that everyone else had gone to lunch before I read this. Pure genius.

[kaylasdad99]

Well when he returns he’s going to have to get around in something.

Maybe he’ll just borrow the vehicle that has the most unmistakable “This is a Jesus Car” message.

Come to think of it, what would have happened if the Apostles had brought Jesus the wrong ass on Palm Sunday?

[80sHairMetalMaven]

ROTFLMAO*

[EchoKitty]

I once had to borrow a van from a neighbor because I was moving. The van had a gazillion jesus stickers on it. So, I’m driving the JesusMobile down the Kennedy Expressway and other drivers started pointing and laughing and THROWING STUFF at me. It was not god-like by any stretch of the imagination.

[blowero]

*Originally posted by Eve *
**See, when he only had 18 or 19 bumper stickers on, Jesus started sulking. “You don’t really love me at all, do you? That guy down the block has 28 bumper stickers and a fish decal . . . But that’s alright . . . Don’t worry about me . . . Just go on and do your errands, I’ll sit here in the dark and eat cigarette butts like a dog . . .” **

That guy acts like SUCH a martyr.

[Catamount]

I once saw a car with a bumper sticker proclaiming “JESUS PAID FOR ME.” Maybe that guy’s trying to get Jesus to buy him a new van.

Lousy Jesus never bought me a car…oh, right. I guess only believers get Free Cars From Jesus ™.

[Iteki]

*Originally posted by SpazCat *
**I once saw a car with a bumper sticker proclaiming “JESUS PAID FOR ME.” Maybe that guy’s trying to get Jesus to buy him a new van.

Lousy Jesus never bought me a car…oh, right. I guess only believers get Free Cars From Jesus ™. **

Oh lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedez Benz.

nods happily to self

[Pythagras]

*Originally posted by blessedwolf *
**I just went out into the parking lot for a quick break, and I saw a van with some bumper stickers praising Jesus. Okay, not “some” bumper stickers…20.

Twenty fucking bumper stickers, all stating essentially the same thing.

<deep breath>

Now, I understand. You love Jesus. Jesus loves you. Everyone else is wrong. You have every right to believe these things, no matter how superstitious or single-minded I may think you are.
But still, 20 bumper stickers! Don’t you think you’re overdoing it a little?
I mean, relax…take a moment and think about it. Stating your beliefs is fine. Stating them over and over and over again is a little over the top, hmmm?

What is this, anyway? Lorne Michaels does the PTL Club? C’mon, show a little restraint!

You’ve said it once; you’ve said it twice for the slow people. you don’t need to make your car look like a born-again shelf paper experiment, for cryin’ out loud! Enough already! Have a little taste, please! **

Wait, why do you care? He has every right to cover his car with anything he wants. He’s not harrasing you. He’s not threatening you. He’s driving his car with an assload of bumper stickers. I could care less if they said “I eat virgins” 20 billion times. He has every right to say that.

[sj2]

*Originally posted by singular1 *
**You see, the minimum number of pieces of Jesus Flair is 12. You can use just the minimum if you want, but you see that van over there? **

I WAS trying to pretend to work and you made me giggle. Couldn’t even pretend to be sneezing.

“You know the Nazis had pieces of flair they made the Jews wear.”

[Miller]

Wait, why do you care? He has every right to cover his car with anything he wants. He’s not harrasing you. He’s not threatening you. He’s driving his car with an assload of bumper stickers. I could care less if they said “I eat virgins” 20 billion times. He has every right to say that.

Well, no one is calling for a Constitutional ammendment limiting the number of Jesus sticker you can have on your mini-van. We’re just pointing and laughing. Why do YOU care? We’re not harassing you. We’re not threatening you. We’re just laughing at someguy with an assload of bumper stickers. We have every right to do that.

[iampunha]

*Originally posted by Eve *
**See, when he only had 18 or 19 bumper stickers on, Jesus started sulking. “You don’t really love me at all, do you? That guy down the block has 28 bumper stickers and a fish decal . . . But that’s alright . . . Don’t worry about me . . . Just go on and do your errands, I’ll sit here in the dark and eat cigarette butts like a dog . . .” **

There there, Jesus. We’ll go to the zoo and mommy will get you 9 more bumper stickers and that way you’ll have one more than last year!

[RexDart]

*Originally posted by LouisB *
**I’ve always thought that God didn’t really need PR agents. Bumper stickers in general suck; religious based bumper stickers really suck. MHO, YMMV. **

Much better PR would be if Jesus himself came down and saved me from the car wreck caused by other Jesus-freaks tailgating that guy to stare at his bumperstickers. Then I’d be all like “Thanks Jesus, that was awesome” and he’d be all like “No problem, dude, glad to assist” and then I’d be all like “No, seriously Jesus, that was totally way cool!” Then the people who manufacture Jesus could put out a great commercial, and I’d do the testimonial, and I’d be all like “Check it out, this Jesus dude, like totally saved my ass from a car wreck…Jesus is way cooler than that GEICO lizard, that little punk waited until after the accident, when I’d of already been dead, and made me get 3 frickin’ estimates, man! I recommend everyone gets a Jesus…today!” Then God would have gotten alot of great PR, with pretty little effort really since that Jesus guy would be doing it all, and how much effort is considered “alot” for an omnipotent being anyway?

My dad is an out-of-work advertising executive, I suggest God give him a call. He totally remade the image of Eagle grocery stores, I know he can do it for Jesus too. I have his resume on my computer, God, give me a call and I’ll fax it up to you. I know this great manna place down the street, let’s do lunch.

[Jerrybear]

There are quite a few Deadheads who have at least 20 Grateful Dead-related stickers on their VW Microbuses.

My car has several Grateful Dead “dancing bears” in the windows, a Central Michigan University Alumni sticker, a University of Michigan-Flint decal, two Ralph Nader/Winona LaDuke for President/Vice President bumper stickers, and one Douglas Campbell (Green Party candidate) for Governor of Michigan sticker.

[Testy]

*Originally posted by Iteki *
**Oh lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedez Benz.

nods happily to self **

And whatever happened to Dialing for Dollars?

[RexDart]

I’m sorry, singular1 used my joke. That’s why I had to go on and on up there, improvising. We’re all too bloody smart and witty on this board, and apparently all seen the same movies too many times.

[Pythagras]

*Originally posted by Miller *
**Well, no one is calling for a Constitutional ammendment limiting the number of Jesus sticker you can have on your mini-van. We’re just pointing and laughing. Why do YOU care? We’re not harassing you. We’re not threatening you. We’re just laughing at someguy with an assload of bumper stickers. We have every right to do that. **

Fair enough.

[Eve]

They’re trying to find me—I wait for deliverance each day until three.

[vanilla]

I read a tract in church once that showed a man standing in front of the heavenly gates with his car covered with stickers and God was saying <“Okay, your car can come in…”

[lieu]

I rented a car from Gideon’s the other day… found one of those stickers in the glove box.

[Homebrew]

Introducing the Jesus: 2000, The Self-Worshipping Jesus.*

*Kids in the Hall, Live Show 2000