I’m gonna come right out and say it. This is a highly humiliating experience. This sucks bloody deer ass (it is hunting season and all. Must be topical). I’m not going to duck and run from this though. It’s come to my attention that this has even made the snark boards. May as well give them something to talk about.
I’m opening this thread for two reasons. I’ll answer questions about our circumstances with the exception of personal history. Any questions about our present circumstances will be answered to the best of my ability.
I’ll also take any insults ya’ll are willing to hurl. That’s why I’m opening this in the pit. I’m not going to fire back at all. Lord knows I’ve probably thought most of it myself.
So, if anyone has any feelings that are dragging, go for it.
Am I right in thinking that what was meant by the phrase “battle for control” wasn’t so much the household, but how your child was raised precisely? She wanted you to raise your child “her” way, to her standards, and didn’t think your ideas as to what was important valid?
I’d ask for this to be closed, if I were you. It’s not going to help anything. Neither you nor Alias did anything wrong, IMO. If the snarkfuckers want to go bashing you behind your backs, let 'em. I see no point in giving them a venue here–it’s none of their fucking business.
Alias used the phrase “battle for power” (I mis-stated it as “battle for control” as did others I think, apologies) which many people interpreted to mean you guys wanting to make the household rules when it wasn’t your house. I took it to mean that Grandma wanted you to raise your child “her” way, that she wanted to be an Alpha parent telling you how to do your jobs, demanding that you meet her standards, instead of letting you both be raise the child as you see fit and teaching her the things that you found important. An extreme example of what I mean would be a Grandmother who insisted the child be raised Catholic/Jewish when her child (the new parent) is lapsed and married someone of a differing faith.
I thought long and hard on this. My choices were to wait and hope things blew over, or lance this bitch and get the pus out. I opted to lance it. Get this shit out in the open.
'Sides, I figured this would take a good deal of the fun out of it.
I would second the recommendations of Guin and Q.E.D. - there are times when personal stuff should remain precisely that. It’s hard, but confronting issues in a calm, adult manner is almost always the best option. It seems to me that this thread is an attempt to avoid that. No offence intended there.
It’s not a matter of control over the household. It’s not a matter of Grandmother wanting to raise the child her way. It’s basically about the environment we want Harborkid raised in. I realize that we have little control over the environment right now, but we are trying to do the best we can by Harborkid. We’d prefer that she not tell people to “shut up” as a matter of respect.
Guin, I know that this will likely go to hell in a rocket powered elevator. That’s fine by me. I already said that I’m not going to fight back. If anyone wants to come in and take shots, they’re more than welcome.
I knew that thread was going to end badly. Threads about child-rearing always do. That’s why I never mention any of my seventeen children on the board.
None taken. As I said, I’m going to take the shots that come to me. No fighting back on my part, and no hard feelings. I’m going to do this in as calm and as adult a manner as I possibly can. I put the thread here in case people want to continue the other threads sentiments.
Harborwolf, in that case, all you have to do is tell Daughter that, “Hey, look, I know Gramma says ‘shut up’, but she’s an adult, and she’s entitled to do that sort of thing. We do NOT feel that it is right to say things like that, so you will not do it.”
When I was growing up, “shut up” was also forbidden-until I was about five or six, I was convinced it was an actual swear word, just like shit or hell. But I don’t think it’s THAT big of a deal. After all, I still heard my parents swear, and I knew I wasn’t allowed to do so. Just like they could drink coffee and beer and I couldn’t.
Either way, this is going to end very badly. It’s not “lancing a boil”, it’s more like lancing it and then digging your fingernails into the wound to make it keep hurting.
Well, we’ve jumped the most expensive hurdle in that we already have land for the house. The problems right now are employment and my credit rating. I’m working on my credit rating right now. That will help us to get a loan for getting the house on the land that we have. Employment is almost the larger of the problems. Right now there are more people looking for jobs than there are jobs. My present employment is no great shakes, and Alias is finding it difficult to find a job and go to college full time.
Posting here again to say that I wish the best for the Harborfamily. I hope you do end up getting a house for yourselves soon, and that you live in it as happily and stress free as you can. I just hope that your goal is close to fruition, because it sounds like everyone’s nerves are frayed due to being in each other’s faces for a prolonged period. Good luck.
