I’m great in bed. In fact, I’ve been known to sleep for 12 hours straight.
Good in bed can mean things like having awesome tricks and signature moves, but it often means something else.
- Pulling off using protection with style and elan – having condoms on hand, not having to break everything off for a mad rush to find one, and also not being remotely hesitant or rude about using it.
- The last person I was seeing was into tantra so he was able to have dry orgasms, last a long time, etc, but more importantly, he treated me incredibly well. He made sure to have long periods where he focused entirely on me and I didn’t feel any ‘obligation’ to do the same – it completely eliminated any anxiety or worry I felt about the situation.
- The more I get into a relationship, the broader my definition of ‘good in bed’ expands to his being accomodating of my kinks, being ok with role-playing, and also being able to recognize the amount of trust I put into someone’s hands when, for instance, I let them tie me up for extended periods of time. Also, to maintaining a healthy status in the other aspects of the relationship, since this heavily influences how I react to him in bed.
- Not kicking me out afterward!
Oh ugh!! Thanks for reminding me :). I was in a long term committed relationship when the whole aids epidemic started. Then another long term relationship (almost 10 years with my son’s father) I’ve been with my bf for close to 7 years, so I haven’t used protection (I figured out what was causin’ the youngns’ 
and got “fixed” after my son was born in 91), since using the pill, or IUD in the 70s and 80s.
When I leave, and IF I ever date again, and IF after dating I still actually want to get close enough to someone to be intimate, I have “that” to look forward to.
Urk! I’m beginning to think that the poster that said he/she was good in bed, because he/she could sleep 12 hours, had the right idea!!!
This from a guy named “banger” 
Bravo ! Well said noddygrrl !
And guys it isn’t gonna bite ya. (well I guess someone might have implants in this day and age :D) Don’t be so timid, with her permission of course.
I can easily reconcile it with what you said and just so as we get this all clear, i do agree that communication has a great deal to do with romance. The thing is it takes 2 to communicate. If one is not recieving, both aint communicating. You want sex and I said all a man wants is sex. Just because you both want sex doesnt mean its the same kind of sex. I have delusions that this would bring about a lightbulb above your head but I’m realistic about my own communication skills. …or rather make that pessimistic.
Your friend wants to have his kind of sex with you and you are not giving it to him. So, he tries all sorts of ways to persuade you which to his mind (and a few other people) would be in the category of romantic. You want your kind of sex and are frustrated with his “romantic shennanigans”. No rapport - no satisfaction for either of you.
uhh i wont comment on the “countless men” remark. 
The idealized notion of love and romance is the same as with any of the romantic stories of anything. They are fantasies. They excite without any help from reality. The brain is the biggest sex organ there is and it knows how to turn itself on.
as for noddygrrl’s comment on what constitutes a good blowjob on a woman. Does licking and gently sucking on all the places the woman says “yes yes yes” to until orgasm qualify?
I’d say definitely both people wanting to please the other, makes for a great experience. Sense of humor is pretty important cuz if one person gets too tense then the whole experience won’t be very good. Also for me, the afterwards is just as important as the foreplay and the actual deed. If he doesn’t cuddle n kiss with me still then it just doesn’t feel complete. Oh and I have a thing for a guy who dirty talks a LOT and makes a lot of noise in general, in bed, cuz I need someone to keep up with me hehe
I’m not really sure what you’re trying to say, here, but I disagree with what you seem to be saying about romance being a means of achieving sex. That isn’t romance; that’s seduction, and there’s a difference. It may be lost on most people, today, because, as you said, we’re very much focused on the sex, itself. There’s little seduction required these days. What obstacles exist constitute more of a qualification test, than an overcoming of reluctance.
But, romance is a thing unto itself. It is not a means to an end. Tanookie’s bath story was a good example. Yes, her hubby, Parallax, wanted sex. But, the bath wasn’t a way to get it. There was no risk that Tanookie was going to turn him down, had she stayed awake. He didn’t need to convince her to have sex with him. That would have been seduction. This was romance, because he had a sure thing and still made the extra effort to make his wife feel even more special.
I agree about the different types of sex, but that’s neither romance nor, usually, seduction. That’s negotiation; it sounds “unromantic”, but it happens in all relationships and it’s really the crux of a relationship. How well the two (or more!) people negotiate, and how often and how easily they reach agreement determines how well the relationship works.
Good grief! What kind of pathetic, egomaniacal dorks have you been dating? Doing you a favor? :smack: I guess there are guys who just don’t enjoy it, but I’ll never understand that. Bringing a woman to orgasm orally is the most fantastic experience there is, IMO.
As for the OP, I’d have to agree with what several people have already said; being aware of and responsive to your partner’s mood is very important. If your giggling while your partner is desperately horny, or vice versa, it isn’t good. But, I think the key is to be more focused on your partner’s pleasure than on your own, but without getting tense and nervous about your own performance. If both people are relaxed and concentrating on pleasing each other, they’re both going to be happy.
Of course, that’s assuming they’ve already agreed on what’s basically going to happen, and can easily agree on who gets to do what, when. There is more, of course; enthusiasm, which can make up for a lot, is very important and often missing from long term relationships. Being uninhibited is very desirable, as well. And, skill is nice, too, but notice where it falls on my list (and, yes, I listed things in order of descending importance).
I will agree that in present day terms what I described is seduction, however in terms of the super strict morality against open sex 3 hundred years ago, romance and seduction were one and the same. The only difference is that before both romance and seduction were a means to an end which was sex or the condition with which sex was allowed (marriage). Now since there is a distinction between having a relationship and just having sex, seduction is split from romance which has evolved into an end by itself. As you say, Tanookies bath story was a great example but keep in mind that his actions would have easily facilitated sex either then or very soon afterwards. If we examine that story we find that the actions of the man were to excite the woman. Thats called making love. Intercourse is optional when making love.
So the secret to being good in bed is to become a pimp?
Gee I never expected my story to take on such a debate!
Nah. You’re still ignoring (missing?) the difference in intent. The intent of romance is to make the other person feel special, not to get them in bed. If making them feel special happens to lead to sex, well, it’s bonus time. But, romance after marriage has existed since the dawn of time. It’s not a new invention. But, the ability of the average citizen to indulge in it has varied with cultural and economic changes. Three hundred years ago, the average Euro-American citizen couldn’t afford it. But, that doesn’t mean it didn’t exist among the upper classes.
Yes, there’s definitely a difference between sex and relationships. And, I did keep Parallax’s desire to have sex in mind. What you don’t seem to be recognizing is that he didn’t need to seduce Tanookie. That’s the disctinction between romance and seduction. If his intent was to get laid, that would have been seduction, which can still occur within a marriage. Since he already knew he was going to get laid, there was no seductive intent; therefore, it was romance.
It was a sure thing, until he did something with a high risk of spoiling his chances (the bath/neckrub…about a 70% chance that’ll put a woman to sleep), for the sole purpose of making her happy. If all he wanted to do was have sex, he didn’t need to do that. And, we all know he needs no help in exciting Tanookie, thanks to her openness in posting.
I know you meant that in the nicest way possible Davebear… but I still went :eek: when I first read it
needs to rethink her posting habits in relation to board image
A few qualifications for being good in bed:
Being not just willing, but eager to try new things.
Being interested in a variety of kinkiness, especially if it overlaps my own kinks.
Being committed one’s partner’s pleasure.
Being knowledgable about and skillful with various techniques.
Being passionate, and showing it.
Having a good sense of humor, but being able to keep a straight face. (Which I can’t do to save my life)
Being responsive to what works for one’s partner, without having to ask.
Being able to have multiple orgasms.
Being flexible is always a bonus, too.
There’s one other that’s hard to describe, but that’s being able to look at one’s partner in a certain way. Maybe it has something to do with the eyes, or something, I’m not sure. It’s a very intense look that says “I’m going to f**k you till you scream” or something like that. No, I can’t give the look, but I’ve had partners who could.
Some off that list are applicable to being good in bed, others are for being exceptional in bed. I’ve certainly never said “She was a lousy lay, she couldn’t even touch her toes.”
X-Slayer writes,
<I heard that oral sex is a major plus point skill that women love being the recipient of. I’m trying to determine if thats true or not.>
Obviously I can’t speak for ALL women, but I’ll tell you this much. I am a woman, and I LOVE being the recipient of oral sex. (I also like to give as much as I get, but that wasn’t the question, hee hee).
Sorry. I did mean it in the nicest possible way. Which part made you go :eek: ? And, why?
Given that your location is “in a test tube”, I would think oral sex (or any other kind, really) would be a rarity, for you. I mean, my tongue might be long enough to reach the bottom of the tube, but it sure isn’t skinny enough to fit.
Oh, and welcome to SDMB.
I don’t really know why Davebear… but this part “And, we all know he needs no help in exciting Tanookie, thanks to her openness in posting.”
Well maybe I do … I know I’m easy and all but something about everyone else knowing I’m easy made me a little uneasy?
And sex would have been a given if he had skipped the niceties and gone right for the goodies but I’m more to him than just a sex toy We make a conscious effort to not take eachother for granted as we know how that can kill a relationship.
Sorry. I meant it as a compliment to both of you, and to the wonderful relationship you have. And, I admire your openness.
Well, I always thought a wife was supposed to be “easy”, where her husband was concerned. Of course, that was before I got married, and learned the truth.
My point, exactly. That’s why it’s romance, not seduction. And, it’s great that you’re keeping the romance alive in your marriage.
And, I’m going to shut up, now, and let X~Slayer(ALE) have his thread back.
I think being good in bed is just taking the time to get to know your partner, their likes, what turns them on, pay attention to what feels good to them what incites their passion. It may be romance, it may be oral, it may be whips and chains, it may vary from night to night. Maybe being good in bed is just ebing willing to experiment and having a desire to pleasure your mate.
I am so in love with my boyfriend. Nothing gets me off more than getting him off in any way that pleases him. I assume that he thinks that is good. I sure hope so.
Words fail me.
Waitaminit, no they don’t. YAY!!