So, after about two years of being totally idle on nerd-focused dating sites that have basically zero traffic for my geographic area, I decided I had to step it up a notch. And I signed up on OKCupid. It’s been about a week now, and it’s kind of a mixed bag - had one person message me out of the blue, which was good, but the four or five I’ve sent to folks who interested me have all gone unreturned. I know I’m no Brad Pitt, but I think I at least rate as ‘cute’, sheesh.
The jury is still out on whether or not it was a good move or bad move for my self-esteem.
Sending out four messages and getting nothing in return is par for the course. Expect to get a reply for, say, every 15 to 20 you send out at the least.
Remember, the females on these sites are likely getting 20 emails a day, it’s a buyers market.
There are so many fake profiles there. If your profile is set for “casual hook ups” or whatever you’ll get a lot of traffic but a lot of those chicks are dudes and the ones who aren’t (a) don’t really look like the pic and (b) will reveal the hysterical psychological reason they do hookups and usually right between the 5th drink and moment you’re about to actually “hook up”. OK Cupid: What We Lack In Substance We More Than Make Up For With Chicks With Daddy Issues.
On the upside, there are a lot of witty, interesting chicks on that site looking for relationships. Who aren’t over their boyfriends yet.
OkCupid has sent me an unbelievable amount of spam. They must send me 7 emails a day. I signed up years ago, but quit the process after they had asked me 100 questions about my personality and kept going. The best they found was like a 60% match. Guess I’m weird, but I’ve had plenty of girlfriends I’ve met in real life.
I get zero emails from them and WRT the questions, there’s thousands of them and they’re all totally voluntary. You can answer none of them or 10 or a hundred or a thousand if you want. But, when you look at someone’s profile, you can only see their answer if you answer the same question. So, that is, you can’t find out if they enjoy giving oral sex or plan to remain a virgin until marriage until you answer the question first.
My friend took on dating as almost a second job. She must have been sending out approximately 50 e-mails a week and going on at least 1-2 dates every week, too. She followed through and kept up with it and is now happily married.
You really have to work at it to find someone who is compatible and interested. 4 e-mails is nothing, as others have said. Keep going.
Soulgeek is the nerdiest. I think there are a few other geek-focused sites as well.
OKCupid seems to work best if you go on regularly, answer lots of questions, and reply to messages. It takes a couple of weeks to a month for anything to happen.
While I would never hookup online (I like to see what I’m getting upfront, no pun intended), I DID actually invest some bucks on Doc Love’s “The System” and David D’Angelo’s CDs. Both of these men operate on askmen.com and write regular columns, and truthfully I went from hit and miss with the ladies to success! I am now happily married to a beautiful intelligent and loving woman that STILL turns heads when she walks into a room, and NO I never thought of myself as Brad Pitt either. If you don’t want to drop the money, at least read their columns; I found them very helpful back when I was single. And NO I am NOT a pitchman for either of these men; nonetheless I find it rewarding to help out other guys who are in the same boat that I myself used to be in. I wish you well.
Speaking as a woman, there is nothing we like more than Pick Up Artists, especially on dating websites. Nothing gets me out on a date quicker than some douchelord negging on me in an OKC message.
If you’re not interested, are you replying to let them know that?
It drives me up the wall when someone replies, then I send another email and never hear back and I figure they were replying just to be nice or to ask a question about something I wrote.
For me, if someone’s not interested in me, I’d rather they just didn’t reply at all or at least told me, right in the reply, that they weren’t interested.
I know, I know, “But Diosa, I would never do such a thing purpose! You should tell me so I can not make the same egregious error!” Yeah, about that-- no matter how politely you say you’re not interested, dudes go bat shit ballistic on you. Under the best case, it’s annoying but polite weird, like this. Worst case, though, it’s threats telling you that they hope you get raped, you’re just an ugly fat ass cunt bitch anyway who is probably a lesbian, etc.
So, understand that that the scumbags of the world (and there are many) have ruined the polite response thing for the rest of you.
When my aunt started using OKCupid/POF she asked me about this subject. She got an email from a ‘really nice guy’ that she wasn’t interested and asked me what she should do. I tried to explain to her to just ignore the email and move on and that she’ll probably have 10 more emails in the next hour*. She still wanted to reply. So I basically told her what you said, that if she told him no there’s a half a chance she’ll get a ‘you bitch’ comment and a half a chance he’ll take it as a challenge to convince her to change her mind since a reply is a reply. Like I said earlier, guys get very, very few replies so even getting a ‘thanks but no thanks’ is still something to work with.
*That same night I set her up with an OKCupid account, within 15 seconds, literally, she already had an email. She didn’t have a profile yet. Just a username, that was it, and already an email. That guy must spend his days hitting the “Who’s New” button over and over.
I created a sort of half-assed account and have not been blown away. I had a few inquiries from people that think mayonnaise is a food group, and not much more. I get new “quiver matches” all the time though!
I’d like to be blown away just once. Or maybe blown just once. OK, getting away just once is OK too.
I clearly blame the site for these shortcomings. If they can’t deliver a perfect woman to my door even after I have given them my email address and general location information, then why are they even in business?
I had a LT gf I met off of PoF, whom I’m still friends with. Still have an account on there and OkCupid. Any girl who has cute photos on there has 100+ guys trying the Babe Ruth approach, asking if she wants to fuck. So I don’t take it personally when they don’t write back, since it means that (likely) my message got lost among anonymous perverts.
I also know several long-term relationships that started on there. I like that it’s somewhat irreverent.