OKCupid

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

Its a joke son, calm down.

I’m saying its not nearly as good as you think it is. Or at least IME anyway. IMO, at the very least its certainly not as good as you would THINK it would be.

I guess one other upside is you do get to look at pics of pretty women or men as the case may be. But get an actual date with em? Nope. Even get em to chat with you? Heh. Or if you can, they sound batshit crazy or some other serious issues with em that make you think “thanks but not thanks”.

Its kinda like the internet in general. You’d think, man all this great knowledge…right at our fingertips! Yeah, except its 1 percent good stuff, 99 percent garbage. Lots of wading to do.

And before that, TV. We can educate the masses with this thing! And we know how that turned out.

62

I mean, I joke, but I overall like online dating. I mean, it’s certainly no worse than actual real life dating meetup scenarios. What I like most, I suppose, is the ability to learn a bit about someone before even initializing contact.

63

Since I signed up less than a week ago, I’ve been on two dates, with a third in the making.

The first guy was a know-it-all, and I’m sure very intelligent, just too pushy with trying to show off how smart he was. Some of it may have been nerves, but nothing clicked for me. We had dinner at Texas Roadhouse (ugh) and it was noisy and I felt too busy.

The second guy (tonight’s date) was nice–calm and relaxing with some good conversation (instead of someone talking TO me). We had dinner at Chipotle, outside where it was quieter. I liked it, liked the time I spent with him, and we’re planning date two (possibly for Friday).

I have another on the list…I’m waiting to hear back from him which night this week he wants to meet.

I think I could easily have more dates if I was willing to overlook simple email/messaging etiquette, such as using actual words (you instead of u) and complete sentences, capitalization and punctuation. I think the Dope has spoiled me.

None of the guys so far have been OMG in appearance–we’re creeping into the 40±50+ age range, so even the guys who used to be hot aren’t so hot anymore. That’s okay because their personalities have finally settled somewhat and they’re more…real.

What’s incredibly surprising to me is that I’m apparently pretty popular. I only posted one pic (and it’s from the shoulders up) and didn’t answer ANY of the sex-related questions they have available. (Personally, unless we’ve laid the possibility of sex on the table, it’s not any of your business if I do or don’t like to be tied up during sex, or will or won’t slap your face so you can achieve an orgasm.) I did try to give enough, but not too much, information in my profile. But, let’s face it, I’m not spring chicken, and my appearance isn’t all that, and god knows I could stand to lose a few pounds (okay a lot of few pounds). So, it’s kinda nice to have a few dates lined up.

Any way, that’s my experience so far. I’m sure I’ll get sick of answering messages and trying to remember who is who and give it all up, just so I can sit at home again with a good book. But it’s fun while it’s lasting.

64

Actually, it is the opposite of spoiloing. The Dope is actually like the military for writing skills. In other words, you are too well-behaved now. :wink:

65

Don’t loosen up your standards - good lord, you don’t want to date Mr. Textspeak either.

66

But he gives ungodly good !@@%$^(&))&(^

67

I think I’ve figured out part of my problem. All my good matches are in Pittsburgh, which is about an hour north of me. I don’t really consider that too far to go, but someone looking at that from the other direction might disagree.

68

/<rant>
As a SSWM, age 60–can I ask you female type Dopers…WTH is it with so many 60+ year old females showing their cleavage on OKC pictures? Listen, Babs: you may have been a cute cheerleader 45 YEARS AGO, but that was FORTY FIVE years ago.

Look, I am looking for a relationship–and last time I read JAMA/NEJM, the boobs don’t contribute much to the relationship/mind-meld that I am looking for.

And another thing…“sunsets, beaches, longs walks, making the most of every day”–what no “butterflies or puppies”? Most of the crap I that I have read sounds like a Playboy playmate profile from the 1970’s.

OK–I am done complaining now.
{And yes, I do feel better.}
/<end rant>

69

It is certainly impressive that professional medicine journals keep track of your personal relationship preferences.

70

I’m 51 (going to be 52 next week) so I don’t know if it’s my age, or…but here are some of my experiences on OKC:

  1. I am extremely suspicious of the men who have photos of themselves in military uniforms. I’ve had several of them message me. The first one had his name tag clearly visible and it took me about 1.4 seconds of Googling to figure out he was a fraud. So, for better or for worse, I don’t and won’t respond to “military men”.

  2. OKC’s suggested “matches” are about 80% outside the radius I chose re: location. I live on the PA/NJ border on the way to the Poconos and I get “matches” from Delaware, Oregon (!), and South Carolina. I live in a rural area where a lot of the men are hunters/ATVers/NASCAR fans, and as that doesn’t usually mesh with what I’m interested in, I realize I have to extend my scope, but I work for a livin’ and too far is too far.

  3. I’ve been on there about 2 months. I’ve written back and forth with several seemingly nice men, but very few who actually want to meet.

  4. If I see a profile that interests me, I’ll send a message to the tune of “I like your profile; XYZ means PDQ to me and if you have mutual interest, please do write back”. Some guys do - some don’t.

  5. I have had one date from OKC. A widower in my actual area. Attractive, smart. We texted daily (frequently) for about a month (he travels for business) and exchanged email addresses. We sent one another photos of our kids and home (him) and dogs and home (me). We had a lot of mutual interests. We also exchanged photos additional to the ones we had posted on OKC. We met for dinner - had a 5 hour date and ended up closing up the restaurant. Nice walk in downtown Bethlehem, and a very friendly kiss good-night. That was Saturday, 6.1.13. Since then? (chirp…chirp) Not even a “Hi, hope you made it home safely” text. Or a “My Christ, you’re hideous” text. Nothin’. Bupkus.

I’m very forthright in my profile. I have 6 pictures up, including two full body shots (God, if you don’t have that, they automatically assume you’re a Gorgon). I also state clearly that I have a disfigured body from losing a lot of weight (gastric bypass surgery - I’ll never be able to afford the reconstruction). I’m sure that scares off a lot of men, which is fine. That’s why I put it in there.

And because I know there are a lot of lonely people out there - I’m one of them - unless the message is just revolting disgusting, I will reply with at least a “Thank you for taking the time to write - good luck with your search”.

(sigh)

UT~

71

I deactivated my OKCupid profile yesterday, after less than one week. There were just too many messages. Some of them were valid (guys in my area, in my age range, who might have been worth the time and attention), but I discovered I don’t have as much time to invest in a relationship as I thought.

On Monday, I had dinner at Chipotle with one guy, we’ll call Richard ('cause that’s what his name was). It was nice–nothing that flipped my top or anything, but I thought he was a nice, average guy. He emailed me MULTIPLE times every freaking day. First, it started out with “How was your day?”, and by the end of the week, it had evolved into “I can’t wait to see you” and “I’m really looking forward to Friday” (we’d planned to have dinner Friday night). In the mean time, he was checking out my OKCupid profile multiple times a day. (I checked to see who my visitors were, and he was ALWAYS on the list.)

I seriously do not have time for multiple trivial emails every freaking day. I’m sure there is some woman out there who would absolutely love that type of attention, but I’m not one of them. To me, it came across way too clingy, and I could just see us on the down the line with him sending me multiple text messages all day “What are you doing?” or “Where are you?”.

As a side note here, I have a friend whose husband is like that. He texts her multiple times a day, and if she doesn’t respond right away, he calls her. God forbid if she’s in a meeting at work and doesn’t let him know–then he calls her work line, and when she doesn’t answer that, he calls her cell again, and again, and again. She tolerates it, but there’s no way I could ever put up with something like that.

So, I cancelled my dinner on Friday with Richard–after which he sent me THREE emails–none of which I responded to. (No emails yesterday, so maybe the situation has resolved itself.) Unfortunately, I didn’t tell him that I didn’t want to see or hear from him ever again. (In retrospect, I should have.)

I did have lunch yesterday with Bruce (from OKCupid), which was meh. I gave him my direct email address and told him that he wanted to do something together again, he should email me directly, then I went home and deactivated my account.

This was supposed to be fun, and in my experience, I just found it to be a pain in the ass. At first, it was exciting to think that there were guys out there who actually thought I was interesting enough to take out to dinner, or who felt I was mate potential. But, for me, what it demonstrated was that I have a life that is full of things, and that I like my alone or “me” time, and I’m not willing to give that up. It also clarified to me that I want someone who isn’t clingy, and who is willing to give me some space, but just the right balance of attention. (One or two emails would have been fine the week after meeting. Several a day? Not so much.)

Or maybe I’m just not in the position at this point in my life where I’m open to being in a relationship.

My friends have told me that it’s different when the “right” person comes along. And, I remember what it was like when I clicked with someone, so maybe they’re correct. But, I think I like my life as it is right now.

72

Diosa:

I’ve been reading your Tumblr this AM - hilarious!

I wrote a piece about the perils of dating over 50 - it appears that age doesn’t necessarily improve matters :smiley:

UT~

73

The very first person I went out with from OKC was like that. Barraged me with texts. Everything from “I have a headache” to “I’m going to the bathroom”. In the week or two that we went out, I got something like 200 texts from her. In her profile she said that she was independent and she didn’t need a man, but it would be nice. Turns out she was super clingy. I was really busy at work one day and I got some inane text from her and didn’t reply to it. I figured I would get 10 more throughout the day and would just see her or call her later…never, ever heard from her again. Seriously, disappeared off the face of the earth. Like, a few months later, out of curiosity, I looked and I couldn’t find her facebook page. Her twitter page was gone, her blog hadn’t been updated, her business website was stale and unupdated. It was strange. A few months later, I checked again, same thing. Just a few days ago, again, out of curiosity, I looked again, shes having baby to, what I presume, based on the timing, is the guy she met right after me and I get the feeling she abandoned her old life since she moved a few hours away and made some mention about covering some of her old tattoos.

That’s very forward of you. :stuck_out_tongue:

I think that seems to be the case for most people. Girls join because it’s supposed to be a lot of fun. Go out on lots of dates, with lots of people, maybe have a couple of short term relationships and then find the right guy to settle down with. Instead they get 25 messages a day, can’t tell the real ones from the fake ones or they end up going out on dates with guys that lied about everything from how tall they are to how many kids they have and they end up getting frustrated and giving up.
Guys sign up (not those guys, regular, ‘nice’ guys) with the best intentions, to go out on a few dates, have a couple of relationships that last a few weeks, then settle down with a nice girl and it turns out that no one will return their messages and even though people say “Join OKC/Match/EH, it’ll be fun” they find out it sucks and in reality they end up going out on like 3 or 4 dates a year because so many girls have their guard up because there’s so many douche bags out there.
Something else that doesn’t help is that because a lot of girls have their guard up, they come off as total assholes on their profile, even though in real life they might be really nice. I’ve seen a handful of profiles where they say things like “You must be at least 5’8"” or “I WILL NOT date anyone that lies to me” or “If you’re not a liberal, don’t even bother emailing me”.
I get it you want your guy to be taller then you when you wear heals or you don’t want him to cheat on you or you don’t want him to be a republican, but you sound like a real jackass when you make these statements in your profile if you’re not careful about the wording. BTW, WRT the liberal one, for a liberal, you sound really closed minded.
Well, that was kinda ranty…
So, anyways, I toyed with the idea of deleting my profile and starting a new one. I few weeks ago I quit smoking and I was thinking of remaking my profile (with No/Never in the smoking area) just because I figure there’s probably a lot of people that saw that and hid me. But I figure that A)it hasn’t been long enough yet. I did finally drop it to “Trying To Quit” and B)While I haven’t smoked in two weeks, I do plan to be one of those people that smokes from time to time. That is, when I’m out with friends and they’re smoking, I’d like to be able to bum one of them. I have told myself that as long as I’m not smoking, I’ll never own a pack again. If I ever own a pack, the quitting will go out the window. Having said that, if someone went to the trouble of hiding me for smoking, then they’re probably still not going to be interested.
What I have done is put a line in my profile that I quit a few days ago and kept updating. Well, rearranging it every few hours so that people that saw that I smoked will see that I quit smoking and maybe one of them that liked me, other then that, will take the time to check me out again. So far the only message that I got was from a guy that lives a few hundred miles away. (I’m a guy).

But I’m not going to do that. It always bugs me when I hit the button to see who’s new and it’s people that have been on for just as long as me, but set up new profiles. It always seems like cheating.

74

Thank you for that. I do the same thing. Nice to know not everybody out there is an uncivilized jackass.

Got a bit excited the other day. Hey, some lady checked me out! And she’s actually local! A bit too young, but hey that could be fun. Hmmm, profile sounds interesting as well.

Of course there is a catch. You see I am a shallow bastard who only dates pretty/hot women. I only date elevens. You ugly 10’s or less can just slink away in shame.

So, “Veronica”, as much as your age, location, and profile information intrigue me…your looks come up a bit short. Now, I suppose I could date a dog of a 10 if you turned out to be my soul mate. But I know myself. And I could never date a woman that looks remarkably like a middle aged man’s flaccid penis. And for Pete’s sake its not even a good picture.

And WTF? Dude, if you want to send penis pics, at least send ones that don’t look like you just got finished swimming off the coast of Nova Scotia. Seriously.

75

Normally, I’d ask if I’d been whooshed, but as I’m an appallingly repellent 4 at best, I’ll just slink away and wait for table scraps.

UT~

76

That was a joke son.

Actually, basic looks are way down on my list when it comes to down to “dating”. My recently ended LTR being a case in point. The ex SO was NOT that good looking. Probably in the bottom 25 percent actually. But that was okay. What killed the relationship was she went from nice and fun to mean and argumentative over the years. I suspect she’s going into dementia or the like. I tried to tell her and her kids but I’m just the asshole who is playing head games with her…:rolleyes:

Anyways my post about being supper picky about looks was just a set up for the joke that I couldn’t date an ugly woman…one that looked like a man’s penis because the pic actually WAS that of a man’s penis.

And as for pics. What is up with all these pics of people in their cars? Or twenty different head shots that look almost exactly alike? And ladies, if the only pic you have is from the neck up and you have listed “a few extra pounds” your not doing yourself any favors.

77

I stand corrected. My apologies.

78

No need to apologize (but I do appreciate the effort). Sometimes I’m the only one that gets my jokes.

79

I’m glad you like it! It’s ridiculous, but I crack up when I get the messages, too. Anyway! Mind if I share your piece on my blog? I sometimes share similar stuff and what you wrote is interesting :).

80

One woman I met from OKC showed me the messages she’d gotten that week from men and they were HILARIOUS. Seriously, I don’t get the complaining. Shit was comedy gold.