I just turned my queen size mattress. Holy frick, that’s a job. I can’t flip it, as the underside has only thin material, so I just turn it horizontally. I don’t want it to wear unevenly. I, however, am worn-out pretty evenly.
My sister-in-law called. She wanted to make sure I still want to come out there. I think she’s afraid I’ll cancel at the last minute. She said, “I want to warn you, your brother can be stubborn.” Um, knew that. I told her I’m not a-scairt of him. I learned the Night Nurse voice from our very own expert, Boo.
Thanks for all the sympathy on the passing of my son’s dog. I know you would have liked her.
No word on the maintenance guy.
Hey, for accuracy, it beats a new dad drunkenly reporting a birth at the village hall, as my grandfather did after the first three births. (He started celebrating during the first labor and never stopped.) Nobody got the names they were supposed to.
Love the irony! 
I always say “I’ll mortalize” someone. I think I got it from a Looney Tunes cartoon in childhood.
After grading tens of thousands of papers over the course of my career, I’ve concluded that there’s a spelling gene, and some people don’t have it. I’ve had students who were voracious readers who couldn’t spell to save their lives. (Not sure it’s often that dire, unless a dyslexic hostage holds up a sign that reads, “Help! He’s got a gnu!”) Sometimes it’s a learning disability, sometimes not. One of the most frequently misspelled words in my history classes AFTER Spellcheck was (Sorry, BooFae, et al) Britain, which, despite spellcheck, kids wanted to spell “Brittain.” I blame all the Brittanys. Also their parents. "You couldn’t have named her Malta or Liechtenstein, noooo. " I mean, really. 
Last night I vowed to take the weekend off from the news. I couldn’t do it. I’m not a news junkie (Honest. I can quit at any time!), I just feel like I skipped a responsibility. I mean, SOMEbody has to shake their fist at the politicians, right?
Johnny Rivers has now taken up residence in my brain:
I forked the pork
and the pork won. 
Of course he does! He’s a smartie!