Don’t try this at home, kids.
Oy vey.
I’m not sure anything would have prevented that cavity.
That bon mot, sir, did as much for my morning as the 550mg of insufflated microcrystalline caffeine that I’ve turned to since my espresso machine gave up the ghost.
(Which is my poor way of trying to say, “LOL LOL haha”.)
Have you ever read the excuses that people give for why things like screwdrivers were up their asses? Falling off of ladders, etc.
Sure folks, I know it’s humiliating, but just take your licks and say “Yeah, it’s embarrassing.”
What I don’t understand is the fact that he was trying to “relieve a painful bout of heamorrhoids.”
Why in heck did he think shoving a toothbrush up there was going to help?
He might have had better luck with a Reach brush.
He may have the kind that protrude the rectum. I read about a similar case where an elderly man tried to push his hemorrhoids back in place using a mortar shell.
Oh dear god. :eek:
You’ve got to be kidding.
What did he have a mortar shell for in the first place, and what made him think, “These 'roids are really bugging me. Hey, a mortar shell, that’ll fix 'em right up?”
Wow. Y’know, that’s what public schools need: a class on “Things to never put anywhere near bodily orifices”. Day one’s lesson plan: “If it goes boom, then…don’t.”
Rumor has it he was mumbling “Incoming” while attempting this manuver.
I know I’ll just get pasted for this, but before lieu starts to really gums up the works, I’ll do my best to make this the Crest of the puns.
Which is delightfully ironic, considering he was using the mortar shell to relieve his fire in the hole.
An X-ray of which can be seen on the Butt Page (“Artillery Shell Substantiated!”). Note that, though this page isn’t particularly off-color (at least, any more than you’d expect from a semi-serious discussion of rectal foreign bodies), you may have a hard time explaining it to your supervisor, so beware.
I’ll check that one from home.
“In some instances, the incidents appear to be rather more recreational than accidental in nature.”
God bless the Brits. 
I note that the Butt Page linked above contains a link to Cecil’s column debunking the gerbil myth. The Master’s reach truly is phenomenal.
A live mortar shell. Holy living fuck. I’ve been drunk in my day, but this takes the cake. :eek:
Yet again, life imitates urban legends.
Heh heh heh…
Shhhhhhhhh!
From the link in the OP: (bolding mine)
:eek: 
WHY TOOTHPICKS?