Old flames and friends...

When I was seven/eight, I had a best friend. A proper best friend, the kind I hope and pray my kids will have in a few years. Then she went back to her home country. We wrote for like ten years, our parents even took us to see each other a couple of times, but the internet wasn’t universal then, so keeping in touch took more work. College and life kicked in and we drifted out of touch.

Almost twenty years later, she found me on the internet. I read her email and jumped up and down and screamed like a kid with sheer joy. She’s still her. I’m still me. We’re still friends the same straightforward, straight-through way we were when we were eight. A couple of months ago she and her kids came over here for a few days - my husband warned me not to expect too much, when we’d only even spoken on the phone once in twenty years, but it was just plain wonderful. I’m trying to get up the organisational skills to haul my menagerie over to visit her.

As far as I’m concerned, finding her again justifies the entire existence of the internet.

Congrats and best wishes. Twelve years ago a college girlfriend used Classmates to find me. Married ten years now.

I just looked up a girl I had a crush on when we worked together at Wendy’s back in 1983, 84? Very distinctive name, so was easy to find her. Looks like she married a man a bit older than her… let’s just say he started his company that he currently owns back in 1981, 3 years before I knew her when we were HS sophomores.

Obviously doing very well financially, given what I can see on FB (she likes a lot of boutique shops) and their corporate website. Has a pretty little girl, and it looks like her brother is working for her husband’s company.

I have no interest in contacting her, it wasn’t as if we had a serious relationship, but I’m glad she’s doing well.

Too late for ETA:

Wow! This guy is significantly older, by almost 2 decades… he began his career in 1972, when she was 4!

I talked to one ex after 15 years. I felt bad about the way things ended and wanted to apologize. We emailed about 3 times and met in person once. We talked things over for a while, caught up and haven’t spoken again. Which works for me, I’m still not sure what possessed me to even contact him.

I found a college ex of mine of the internet. I had lost track of him when he dropped out of school for lack of funds and moved to the west coast.

Turns out he done good in the internet boom and is a multimillionaire philanthropist. That was unexpected.

Since I’m quite easy to find on the Internet, and he hadn’t contacted me in all those years, I figured he wasn’t interested in chatting and left it be. It was nice to know what happened, though. He deserved a few good breaks and I’m glad he got them.

Well, the following story is so complicated that I have been very hesitant to mention it here-plus there is a lot that I can’t really say at all which would do it a lot more justice-if you were to believe it all in the first place (hell I’m not even sure if I do). But I’ll try anyway…you can feel free to call me whatever epithets apply, and at this juncture I would probably agree with you. All I know is that I did what my conscience and muse suggested at the time, not knowing what it was that I apparently was dealing with, and thus must live with the consequences.

December of 2012 I decided to look up my first love, the only female I’ve ever fallen for, to be exact. She and I met when we were teens, and at the time hit it off great-we liked a lot of the same music, and would do spooky stuff like just go and play a game without verbalizing about it first, finish each other’s sentences, etc. With her I felt like a million bucks-she was bright, creative, inquisitive, and funny. Unfortunately, (A) I was a hopeless basket case in the rest of my life at the time, and (B) her immigrant parents were very strict with her and forbade any dating or such.

For about a month things finally picked up momentum after she had fought for some independence for herself as she got older, and we got physically affectionate at long last (nothing past 1st base tho). But my wounds and such eventually surfaced and she got to see just how broken I was, and then her dad noticed how close we were getting and laid the law down on my ass, telling me to steer clear of her, or else (and I completely wiped that from my memory banks).

We quickly drifted apart, I subsequently reinvented my life, and would idly wonder what she was up to during the intervening years. Once I walked into class at college, late/head down, plopped into the first chair near the door. 15 minutes I became convinced that she was in the class with me-turned to my right and there she was.

She then had gotten married, and we bumped into each other a few times afterwards. The first time my mom was with us when I met him, and she, being my mom and thus utterly unable to stop from saying whatever is on her mind, kept saying “Oh! He’s just like John!” over and over (no joke).

The second time they walked onto an elevator with me, and when I mumbled a hi, she immediately got extremely nervous. That was the last time I saw her…

…until during an idle moment one day in the fall of 2012 I decided to type her name into Google. And discovered a song that she had written (she was a singer-songwriter in her free time)-a song she had written about me. She had come across me in bed once while I was crying, you see-crying about her, to be exact, but she managed to get my depressed ass into the pool-5 minutes later I had completely forgotten what it was I had been blubbering on about. The lyrics were an exact match for this incident (and I got subsequent confirmation later), as well as an exact match for my hopeless psyche at the time-but she also gave me advice as to how to improve myself-turned out I had unwittingly followed said advice, to the letter. In the intervening years I had worked like crazy on healing myself and completely reinventing my life, the depression long gone, joy my constant companion.

So I decided to go to a concert she would be giving. Our reunion was cordial, but lacking any sparks (I decided to not worry about that and focus on the friendship side first). Her set tho was utterly enchanting. We parted on good terms, emails and phone #'s exchanged. I got one email from her, short and oddly formal if not stiffly so, then she stopped responding. I also got 2 of her CD’s, and long story short found a few more candidate songs (her hubbie performed on the 1st CD). I eventually broke down and emailed her with sincere thanks for the song I mentioned (trying to make it clear that I intended no obligations from that point on), and she remained silent for 6 months. Like I said I figured that people reconnect like this all the time, and I didn’t intend to put her on the spot, but I guess that is how it got received…

…because, when I tried one final email, she responded back and denied everything-what we had shared years ago, the song, everything. At first I was so taken aback by it I didn’t know what to do. I eventually decided to write her back, with the confirmation I had gotten (from her HS best friend) in hand, offering an honest friendship if she would just drop the nonsense. That was last June and I haven’t heard from her since.

Yes, I was a presumptuous jerk, foolishly thinking we could just simply pick up where we had left off 30 years earlier-but of course it doesn’t work like that, does it? I don’t know if I had kept my tongue (I guess I inherited that from my mom) if things would have gone completely differently and she would have eventually opened up to me about it all. Live and learn I guess.

Well, really, most people I’ve known have done better. I just find it sad that I can’t find one person from my far past that I can exchange some pleasant memories with.

My very, very best friend of all time (high school through late 20s) is unfortunately still married to the same lovely woman who hates me. 'Nuf sed.

I met the Mrs. through an online circle of friends. I’d agree.

I went to several different HS and many different grade schools before that. Ive changed so much over the years even I dont recognize myself sometimes. I dont think Id have anything in common anymore with anyone from a past life. Plus, some of it I dont want to even remember. And some of them are dead - lost to drugs, murdercycles, etc. etc. Too much of a downer. I like my life so much better now.

I had a several-month email correspondence with a HS girlfriend from 40 years ago. Fun, non-commital, petered out after a while. Better than that was an email I got from a different woman who I dated for a few weeks (I think) senior year. It was a heartfelt apology about dumping me and how she’d felt bad about it all this time. I didn’t remember any strong attachment, or painful breakup, and told her so. That ended the email exchange.

I’ve briefly chatted on FB with two long-ago exes (23+ years ago). A little odd, but not depressing. They both recently fathered children at about age 50, one as a first-timer, the other starting a second family, with much-younger wives. Weird to be reading a post on the one hand by friends talking about a first grandchild or a kid who just got their doctorate, while these guys at the same time of life are complaining about the third cold this season they picked up from the toddler. Still, good for them - they seem happy enough, if pretty tired.

A third ex is 60 looks about 75, and as near as I can tell is passively attempting suicide, although the biggest surprise to me is that he is still alive at all.

Makes me extra pleased with my own choice of spouse, as if I weren’t already.

[I bolded]

Wait…how hot was she? And how hot were those two years? :stuck_out_tongue: :smiley:

I’m friends with a few exes on FB, though none of them were the “serious” ones. I’ve looked up the serious ones, and they’re all out there… one successfully got her PE certification and owns a nice home, the other surprisingly had a child and seems to be couch-hopping among family members, while getting seriously enmeshed in the local pagan community.

Of the non-serious ones:

One is an old flame from about 18 years ago. We became friends again about 10 years after we’d broken up; her mom and I had remained friends, and I’d started a math BS program, so she got us together so I could do some light math tutoring (she was going for her GED). It was awkward at first; I’d broken up with her to begin dating someone I married, then divorced. She had gotten married to a man who was off in Afghanistan at the time. She made a move to rekindle things, and I wasn’t about to get involved with a married woman, so I shut it down. We remained friends, then FB friends. She then defriended me when I began dating anew, but then refriended me a few months later. I don’t talk to her much now, which is for the best… but it’s nice to see the course of her life over the years since. (Also scary to see how much she’s starting to look like her mom.)

One’s a girl who treated me as her “emotional” boyfriend, while in a relationship with a pretty crappy guy. We broke apart after her first kid (her mom asked if it was mine, and was pretty devastated to find out it wasn’t); we ran onto each other a decade later in a Kinko’s, then friended each other on FB. Four kids, married to a seemingly nice guy, really heavy into Christianity. Happy that she’s happy, and happy that I’m not involved.

One is a FWB from several years ago; she backed off when she realized she was falling for me, and ran back to her home town. We still talk constantly, but rarely see each other. There’s still a spark there, and it’s hard to not try to rekindle the old feelings. She changes relationships every few months, and admitted that one of the reasons nothing has remained stable is that she wishes she hadn’t run away from what was developing with me. She claims that she was more scared of being a burden on me/drag on my life… and considering the legal escapade she was busted for in her home town, she was probably correct in taking off. So, it’s weird. She’s still one of my best friends otherwise and constantly message/text/call/Snapchat/etc., we both still feel that twinge about not being together, but there’s this giant skeleton in her closet that will probably keep us apart. And being friends with her also makes things awkward whenever I end up in a relationship, because whomever I’m seeing is rightfully wary of her.

Finally, my seriously crazy ex-fiancee sends me a friend request about twice a year. I told her several years ago that we needed to remain memories, and that I never wanted to speak to or see her again. Her last request was a couple of months ago, and friends later told me that she’d contacted them in a panic… that she’d driven to my former home, freaked out when she discovered I no longer lived there, showed up at my job asking for me, and begging people for my phone number. Ugh.

^^ Ohhh the DRAMA.

Some ppl thrive on it I guess but it just smells like Crazy to me. Run.

Exes, not so much – though there’s a guy I dated when I was in grad school whom I unsuccessfully Google about once a year – but I’m FB friends with a slew of people from jr. hi, high school, and college, and have had lunch or whatever with a few of them when they’ve come to Philly. Mostly pleasant experiences.

I was sparing in my use of “very.” Very sparing.

She was a former swimwear model flexing her new MBA, and she thought I was the most desirable man on earth. It was a… **very **good two years.

But it sounds like it used up all the remaining good in her life, which is depressing. Even remembering the time was bad for her.

At Uni I had a very close knit group of friends but during my abusive first marriage most of my relationships were killed off. I had one friend in particular who in some ways was one of the loves of my life. I was smart and healthy enough at the age of 20 to realise that he would have been no good for me as a romantic partner, but we still were very close and he’s had a special place in my heart the whole time.

Fast forward 15 years and I’m out of the bad marriage. I’d occasionally searched idly for this friend but his name is a quite common one so I rarely got results. Any mention of him online I did find had stopped in the late 90s. This worried me, not least because one of the reasons I hadn’t pursued a relationship with him was that he suffered some fairly impressive depressive and manic episodes at Uni. To put it bluntly, it always seemed like he was never going to make old bones.

About 2 months ago I dreamt about hin - nothing inappropriate , he just flitted through my dreams. Prompted by this, I had a quick look on Facebook and this time for some reason he was dead easy to find. I dropped him a mail, we friended and we’ve had a couple of mail exchanges since. He’s also in touch with a lot of our old friends so I’ve chatted with a couple of them too. There’s even talk of a reunion of sorts. Turns out he’s got the whole package: wife, children, good job. I’m genuinely delighted for him, I feared it would never happen. Part of me thinks wistfully of the path not taken, but it’s a nice poignant hurt, not a wish for what might have been. I’d be very happy to see him and the others if the opportunity arises. I miss them, but more than that, I miss the me I was at that time in my life.

Curiously I was talking via mail to him this evening on more or less this topic. Since I found them all again Facebook is suggesting on a daily basis that I friend my 2- year-Uni-boyfriend. I think that’s probably a bit weird - we haven’t spoken since we split up. However there’s no animosity or indeed feelings of any kind there at all. My friend doesn’t think it would be weird- he thinks it’s weirder to make a point of not friending the ex when I’m now friends with pretty much everybody else from our group. It all started to feel a bit high school at that point so I had a glass of Moscato and closed down FB in favour of the dope.

So, to answer the OP, it’s been a great experience for me so far.

Same here. I happened across my first serious girlfriend on Facebook, who I hadn’t had contact with in twenty years. I thought “what the hell” and sent her a message to see how she was doing. We’ve been together for three years.

Oh, sorry if it wasn’t clear from my post… I have never accept any of the crazy ex’s requests, I just get friend requests from her every so often. I took (and take) steps to make sure she can’t cross paths with me. We haven’t spoken in years, and I wouldn’t care to again.

I’ve kept touch with a lot of high school acquaintances through facebook, but I don’t live near any of them (moved 600+ miles away from my hometown) and it’s just a casual thing.

I look up my exes on occasion but I haven’t contacted them. Really only two of my exes were sufficiently long-term enough to be memorable anyway, and neither relationship ended well enough that I’d feel comfortable reaching out. One was studying to be a doctor, but ended up dropping that and got a PhD instead. I’m happy for him, but I doubt he’d want to hear from me.

The other guy was abusive. I looked him up online and found a recent picture with a wedding ring… boy, do I pity her.