I wonder about that myself. Is it just a matter of pandering? But women are half the moviegoing public. Why not appeal to them? Maybe women just aren’t as turned on by the spectacle of a younger man/older woman hookup as men are by the reverse. (Sociobiology, like I said.)
Or maybe it’s because most Hollywood directors, producers and studio execs are men.* What age woman do you want on your casting couch? And the same habit of mind might apply even when the casting couch is not actually in use.
*Didja hear the one about the Polish starlet? She was so dumb, she slept with the writer!
Actually, it’s a very common theme in 19th Century literature (and was not considered indecent IRL then) for a young woman to marry an older man who, up to that point, has been a father-figure in her life. This was discussed in the CS thread linked in the OP. (Grover Cleveland had exactly that kind of marriage.)
[highjack]Heh. I’ve always looked young as well. I have a sister who’s two years younger than me, and when we were teenagers, she was able to go to bars before I was. She used to taunt me about looking older than me, and I used to reply that in twenty years, she’d *still * look older than me, and she wouldn’t find it amusing anymore. I was right. Now I’m 35, and I still occasionally get carded buying cigarettes. That’s my favorite, especially if the cashier is young. (Of course, I **do ** dye the incipient gray.) [/highjack]
Scumpup, if it’s any consolation, no one thinks that guy is hawt. It’s just that he buys the beers.
BrainGlutton, part of the reason that it’s a more common theme in 19th century literature than it is now is that people’s expectations of marriage (and romantic relationships in general) have changed. A hundred years ago, a husband was meant to be able to both take care of and “manage” his wife. She was not expected to function as his equal.
Look, the only reason older guys want to get with 20 something girls is because much younger that that and it’s either illegal or impractical (you can’t take them to a club or bar). In other words, they are interested in a hot piece of ass and as a general rule, the younger a woman is the hotter she is.
Another factor is that if you are a 40+ single guy, you often are not interested in marriage and kids. Once again, as women get older they start to want those things.
And of course there is the power thing. A lot of young women tend to look up to what they perceive as a more powerful, successful and distinguished older man.
That said, a big age difference isn’t necessarily that icky. A lot of it depends on where you are in life. For example, a “28” year old is also a 20-something. I think it’s a whole lot less icky for a 42 year old man to date a 28 year old lawyer than it is for a 35 year old man to date a 21 year old college student.
In the first example, you have two professional self-sufficient adults while in the second example you have this guy basically dating what in my mind I consider to be still a child (or at best some kind of post-adolescent pre adult).
I agree with msmith. (Whoa.) The relative ages are more important than the actual age difference. When I was 17 and my parents wanted me to date (and marry) a 28 YO, that was horrible. Now 11 years doesn’t seem like much at all, that would put him at 41, and 30 and 41 is not as different as 17 and 28.
Some of the best relationships I’ve seen are with vast age gaps. Let’s be perfectly clear on one thing: maturity is not automatic with age.
Well, unless the older man is hitting on her with a club, then what’s the harm? After all, it then becomes her choice, and she becomes empowered. Maybe she finds anything but a younger man with tats, a criminal record, a Harley and rock hard muscles to be disgusting. Or, maybe she wants a gentle, well educated older man with a fat wallet who will give her and her kids a great home, private schools and the whole nine yards. I think that allowing the woman to choose which she prefers is a wonderful thing. Far from “ick”- it’s great.
Myself I prefer younger women- but only slightly younger. Don’t have enough in common with teens or twenties.
Actually… no. They would be hitting on you because they thought you were hot. When I’m out and I look at women, who do you think I spend most of my time looking at, 50 year olds or 20 year olds?
Sorry, just because I’m older, it doesn’t make 50 year olds sexier than 20 year olds. As I said above, I don’t go out trying to pick up young hot girls with tight bodies, but when I was in my early 30’s I did and while not excluding women of my age from my search… neither did I exclude 19 and 20 year olds.
FTR, there is nothing in the book I have ever found useful, and there are sexist attitudes in it shocking even to me. E.g., the author advises the reader to keep a same-age fuckbuddy in his life just for relief as necessary, to take the edge off so he won’t appear so desperate while chasing the young stuff. Curiously, he also says, “If you would even consider deflowering a young girl, may your nuts fall off tonight.” Really, what’s the big deal about virginity? If a girl isn’t to be a virgin all her life, which few women want and I’m sure the author would not advise, some man has to be her first. Why is it so important he be a guy her own age?
I’ve always been a big fan of the idea that people should date within their interest groups; if you like dancing, date a dancer. If you’re into poetry and literature discussions, date within a literature group. At that point, it doesn’t matter so much what age the people involved are as how much they’re into the things they have in common. In the SCA, I know of a bunch of very successful couples with an age difference > 20 years. It happens.
Re: the specific question of the op, the “ick factor,” I think a whole lot of it is mostly jealousy. People getting creeped out by Sean Connery getting all up close and personal with Catherine Zeta Jones weren’t so much creeped out by the age difference as by the fact that they weren’t getting it on with CZJ… On the other hand, you’ve got guys like Tony Randall marrying (and fathering children with) women 50 years younger… there you’re talking about the ick facter of the idea that somebody that age still has sex…
Ok. If that is so, why did they run away when they found out I was not 20 (like they though) but 28?
Yes, there are guys who hit on you cos they think you’re hot - but those don’t run away when they find out the age difference is 4-5 years and not 12-13.
Ick factor is hard to sum up logically. I’d have to guess that part of it (at least for me) is the idea of being involved with someone old enough to be my father, that brings up it’s own set of issues.
Also it’s the attitude I’ve seen in some older men, “I know I’m 45, overweight and going bald but I will only date someone under 25 who works out every day.” Double standards and all that.
I wouldn’t presume to say that no one should have that kind of relationship, but I reserve to right to have an “ick” reaction. (though I’d keep it to myself)
From the linked site, sort of (there’s another book with “Cougar” as the first word in the title:
"She’s confident, stylish, sophisticated and sexy, and she knows exactly what she wants – hot young men and lots of great sex! She’s not interested in children or commitment. She’s a cougar, and she’s on the prowl. "
