OMFG! WTF IS That Smell?!?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

A week or so ago, we had some absolutely severe weather. I happened to be at work, and had gone out at lunch to fetch chow for the crew. It was a superbly nice day, so I left my windows down when I got out of the car. Yes, the weatherman had predicted thunderstorms, but hell, they have predicted them every day, with a 25% success rate. So I took the chance and left them down.

Later that day, I was in the restroom, umm… Pondering the matters of the universe. Deep in thought, the lights flickered. I assumed someone was playing a trick on me, so I stopped my meditation, cleaned up, and left the restroom.

Upon exiting, the first thing I noticed was the torrential rain. Oops, thought I, I left the windows down. I walked out the door into the 60 mph wind and pelting rain, rolled my the windows up, and came back inside. The excursion took about 45 seconds. This was enough time to soak me down to my underwear. I walked toward my desk, dripping as I went.

Once the storm was over, I went out to my car, got a change of clothes, and proceeded to dry off. Every day since, it’s been highly humid and / or raining.

Fast forward to last Friday. My car has grown increasingly funky; smelly, with a hint of rotten farts and foot conditions gone bad. I took my floor mats out and left the windows open. No, no rain, but no help in defunkifying the car. Since then, it’s gotten increasingly worse. Bad enough so I’ve held my breath and rolled down the windows every time I’ve gotten in the car. The stench permeates. It gets up and walks. On occasion I’m sure it’s driven the car by itself. I’ve done research on eliminating the odor, all of which required effort on my part.

Today, I remembered that underneath the seats in most cars is a well that is lower the the rest of the floor. AH HAH! says I, I bet there is still water brewing a new batch of funk.

I feel underneath the drivers seat - nothing, bone dry. Hmm.

I felt underneath the passengers seat - uh oh.

Two weeks ago, if you’ve followed my posting history, there was a sale at the local supermarket. Underneath my seat was a two week old parcel of said sale that I thought had been left behind in the store. It had not. It craftily slid and hid, a stowaway. It was just overstaying it’s welcome, like a bad houseguest, in the well underneath the passenger seat.

NOTE: I enjoy, when done properly, well aged meat.

THIS WAS NOT DONE WELL, IT WAS NOT WELL DONE. IT WAS PAST DONE, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. What was once an excellent buy for future dinners or beef jerky became my olfactory senses arch nemesis.

It was a swollen, putrid, maggot infested four pound package of steak. I gagged as I pulled it out of its warm resting spot and threw it in the trash.

That was a bargain I could have lived without. But at least my car no longer reminds me of a Seinfeld episode. Farewell, zombie meat; hello, non pungent car.

2

Here I was, trying to figure out what to cook for dinner. Thanks for taking care of that problem for me!
hurk

3

Beef! It NOT what’s for dinner! :eek:

4

I opened the fridge tonight – to see steak mocking me. Needless to say, it will remain in arctic slumber for another few days till the memory wanes or my hunger gets the better of my common sense.

5

It’s the rotten steak diet - eat all you want and lose weight.

6

Oh dear, I was going to guess mildew till I got down to the end of your post. Rotten cow is so many levels worse.

7

That happened to a coworker of mine last year. He was set to be the driver to a White Sox game that night for several of us but a ripe, previously hidden, package of Tilapia decided that I should drive instead. Game got canceled in total due to rain, too.

8

Stray fish has its own smell - easily identifiable. Suddenly, you’ve immediately transported to the seacoast, and the air is filled with the cries of both the seagulls and your passengers.

9

Seriously, it had maggots??? I would have sold the car.

10

They actual living maggots were not that bad. See, it’s been incredibly hot, and given my newfound timidity in leaving windows rolled down, it gets incredibly hot in the car - apparently hot enough to kill maggots. So they reappear, die, reappear - apparently, literally, ad nauseam. So the life/death cycle of maggotism has increased the smell of purification.

Now, freed from the clutches of vapor lock, the car has regained an olfactory equilibrium.

11

That’s not all your car has gained. It’s now the equivalent of the cemetary from Poltergeist, only for maggots.

12

I expected you to say you left some of that lunch in the car.

Ma drives to the school last day picnic, where I fish. Days later we’re headed to the store for food, and there’s this bad enough to puke smell. Ma pulls over and opens the trunk where we see the rotten fish. Days in the trunk in the summer sun has done it’s work.

A tomato rotting on the floor under the seat is super nasty too.

13

If I see little waving zombie maggots in my field of vision, I’ll just assume it’s an oxygen deficiency.

14

No, leftover lunch either dries out or is in a sealed contained I miraculously find seconds before it explodes putrescence all over the interior.

15

:slight_smile:

Oh, and FWIW, if you ever want to make something putrid happen without laying out the green for steak, put a potato someplace where it can rot undisturbed for a few months. Did that in the 9th grade, and AFAIK, that wing of my high school still smells like a perm gone horribly, horribly wrong.

16

Have you ever seen a pile of rotten potatoes, set aside from picking because they have blight? Normally they are set afire. My favorite view of such scene is as follows:

Slightly rotten potatoes, on fire. A backup incendiary has been set upon the fire, in the version of a military rocket box half full of gasoline. Normally, a seal ruptures and the box gently leaks gas onto the fire, fueling the inferno.

In this case - no rupture, until the box is in full rolling boil. It then erupts a pinpoint break in the seal. The erupting leak whistles like a freight train, shoots flames over 100 feet in the sky, and lights up the evening better than an oil well on fire.

17

My uncle and aunt rented a farm and it had a basement with divisions. They grew a lot of potatoes in there house garden and put them a foot deep in one division. The potatoes rotted all winter in the basement. they had a lot of really bad smell to deal with in the spring.

18

why,if you thought you left it (the 4 lbs. of steak), at the store ,did you not return to said store and try to retreive the meat? even being on sale that is still a few dollars.

19

I think he did.

Now thinking about it, shouldn’t you return that money? :dubious:

And for the record, I am never car pooling with you again. I draw the line at maggots. gag

20

I stupidly decided to clean out my refrigerator on Friday afternoon. I dumped out some old cooked chicken, moldy cottage cheese and a few other perishable odds and ends. I double-bagged it all and took it out to the trash can. The next trash pickup isn’t until Tuesday. So it has been sitting in my black garbage can in the heat of a Florida summer for a few days. Today I was unloading some groceries from my car and smelled something awful. I thought some creature had died in my front yard. Then I remembered the trash can. I decided I had better remember to take the can to the curb for tomorrow but since there was only a small bag of used cat litter in there with the decomposing food (which obviously didn’t help the smell) and since I wanted to get my monies worth for my garbage pickup, I bagged up some garbage still in the house to add to the trash. When I opened the lid to throw in the new bag I was attacked by some of the biggest horseflies I have ever seen. At first I wondered how the hell they got in there and then I realized they were big enough to lift the lid themselves.

I decided that garbage men are the unsung heroes of our society.