Is it the worst thing that could ever happen? or is it just an occupational hazard of your lifestyle?
How would it affect you?
What an unusually unsophisticated set of options in this poll - everything’s phrased around the impact of the diagnosis on the assumed-relationship of the diagnosed, as though an STD couldn’t be worse than something to “keep quiet about until it’s fixed”. How about options for concern about your on-going health, longevity and fertility for a start, not to mention potential career hiccups, social impact, future relationships, and a myriad of other things that could potentially be life-impacting?
For example, learning I had contracted AIDS (or HIV) could definitely ruin my day, and I’m not sure my thoughts would dwell on “Its a shock it means my partner has cheated and it would ruin my relationship” or “It’s going to wreck our relationship but I need to tell my partner”. My thoughts would probably run more along the lines of “OMG I’m going to die my life will never be the same again when did this happen are my children affected will they be orphaned how do I tell my partner/parents/kids/loved ones/friends why me how how how OMG”, remixed and replayed ad nauseum for quite some time after hearing the news.
What Cazzle said.
Occupational hazard of your lifestyle, and the reacion is “meh”???
It really depends on the STD.
Yeah, I answered without even considering HIV. I was thinking more along the lines of syphilis or gonorrhea (since you mentioned “until it’s fixed” and assumed you didn’t mean “watching the latest news for lab breakthroughs”).
My partner and I are faithful to one another. When we were about 6 months into the exclusive part of our relationship I discovered a bump. I was freaked out like you couldn’t believe. Cold sweats, crying, everything. It never crossed my mind that my partner was unfaithful, but I did cross reference every sexual partner I had had in the last year (meaning the 6 months before the exclusive relationship) against the incubation period of every STD known to man. I tearfully “confessed” the bump to my boyfriend and waited for the worst. To his credit, he hugged me and said “don’t worry, we’ll figure it out” and we didn’t have sex for a few months while I was planning on going to the doc. I decided I had genital warts. I worried about the cervical cancer risk. I finally saw an NP (a friend of mine worked me in).
It was an inflamed skin tag.
I went home and took it off with a pair of cuticle clippers (not as painful as you may think) and was never, ever judgmental about people with STDs again.
My complete reaction depends on the STD, but no matter which one it was it would certainly be a shock that meant my boyfriend was cheating on me. I don’t know that it would wreck our relationship, but there would be a serious conversation to be had.
What about the toliet seat? Or in the case of Seinfeld, a tractor 
Can’t vote, no choice for me.
I would be upset, I am allergic to most of the commonly used antibiotics. I don’t care where it came from, would be from my partner and mrAru and I had a deal, he can do what he wants to on deployment as long as he doesn’t bring home any contagious gifts …
[you forgot to put in a poll choice for people in an open relationship, the last options isn’t really good for that IMHO, isn’t an ‘occupational hazard’]
I chose the first option, but really I wouldn’t be too quick to assume my spouse cheated on me. As unlikely as it is to get an STD any other way, it’s still more likely than my wife cheating on me.
Yeah, I’m not loving the wording of the poll options, but for me the basic gist would be: “WTF?? Looks like I’d better have a talk with Mrs. Giraffe. A yelling talk. :mad:”
I don’t think it would ruin our relationship, though. I really like her a lot, so depending on why the infidelity occurred and her willingness to work on our relationship, I think we’d get past it.
Of course, it’s easy to be blase about this hypothetical, because I can’t imagine anyone less likely to cheat than Mrs. Giraffe. For one thing, she’s the worst liar I’ve ever met – I’d know within about three minutes of her coming home. “Hey, where were you?” “NOWHERE! NOT CHEATING THAT’S FOR SURE!” “Um, what?” “OK, I DID IT! I CONFESS!!!” :smack:
sigh She’s adorable.
What you said, with Mr. Herder. When I was in college, I got tested multiple times for all the STDs that Student Health would test for, so it should have caught anything. There’s the possibility of false positives but I’d rate them highly unlikely.
Something like a third of the adult population has herpes, and while it’s most commonly transmitted sexually, it can in principle be transmitted by almost any skin-to-skin contact.
And even if one caught a sexually-transmitted disease (of any sort) from one’s partner, the disease might have predated the relationship. Very few people would feel all that betrayed to know that their spouse wasn’t a virgin when they met.
I’d be shocked because women rarely pass most STDs between one another, first of all. Secondly, because this will mean that there have been secrets in what is meant to be a relationship built on openness (including a certain level of polyamory) and full communication, which would stun me and destroy everything, STD or no.
Depends how long you’ve been together. I may be naive, but I like to think most long-term relationships have ‘the STD talk’ pretty early on, along with tests, especially relationships where barrier protection is no longer used.
I don’t know about you, but it’s the backs of my thighs that make contact with the toilet seat. Do you rub your genitals around on it?
Yes am sorry the poll questions were a little haphazard. The idea arose through a very recent conversation with a friend who had been informed by his regular partner that she had screened positive for an STD
He duly went along to get tested but also opted along with the clinic’s suggestion to get immediate treatment based on his girlfriend’s diagnosis. However a few days later was called back to the clinic as although he had picked up an infection, it was not the species his girlfriend had and needed another regimen of meds.
He was faced with the question as to whether he should advise his girlfriend to get retested. He was vague as to whether it was possible he got it elsewhere though I personally, knowing his lifestyle would think it well within the bounds of possibility.
I know incubation periods for certain pathogens vary people to people and perhaps both should be retested later ( my advice)
But it raised the question of how certain one could be of the source of such an infection and would you put your partners heath as a priority by advising a test (or retest) even if it may be fatal to the relationship.
My husband and I were both virgins when we met (not religious, just young). Thus, I would be stunned and it would be the end of trust in our relationship.
You forgot the option :
Think “How could I possibly have gotten an STD?” and announce to your doctor that toilet seat contimination is, in fact, possible.
I pretty much get a urinary tract infection every time I start a new sexual relationship. That’s a given, especially figuring that I and my partner have vastly different flora on our skin. That’s no biggie. I just let my partner know that I need a week off and half to take antibiotics. No foul. No blame.
However, I’ve also gotten a trichomoniasis infection while I was in what was supposed to be a monogamous relationship, and I sure as hell wasn’t the one screwing around. It wasn’t so much the infection that destroyed the relationship, it was my boyfriend’s callous reaction and refusal to take responsibility.
Later, another partner lied to me during the STD talk and “forgot” to put a condom on. Ten days later, on the dot, I had a primary outbreak of herpes simplex I and II. Let me tell you how much fun that wasn’t. Aside from the painful blisters, it turns out if you get hit with a high viral load, your body basically acts like it’s got the flu for two weeks. Fever, exhaustion, muscle and joint aches, the whole thing. Also, the higher the viral load, the more likely nerve pain as a complication is.
Most people with herpes don’t even know they have it, their symptoms are so mild. A few unlucky souls - those who got hit with a lot of viroid particles at infection or those with wimpy immune systems - are constantly dealing with the infection. I’ve managed to keep mine in check with lysine supplements and proprolis - a bee product that has strong anti-viral, antibiotic and anti-fungal properties. That doesn’t mean I can just go out and have lots of sex though. I have to assume that I am constantly shedding virus, and I will not have sex unless my partner gives informed consent. This pretty much rules out any casual sex, which is just as well.
Yeah, there’s a big difference between finding out a month into a relationship that your partner gave you an STD and two years into a relationship. If it’s a brand new relationship getting an STD sucks, but isn’t necessarily indicative of your partner cheating since s/he might well have picked something up before you met. A long while on, though…