That would have been better.
I guess I wasn’t confused because had it been the police I would’ve expected something like:
I chuckled IRL.
Chicago papers write headlines that way. I’ve (blessedly) never seen it anywhere else.
Police: Video fingers Amazon firebug.
So much more succinct. Says the guy who usually can’t cough in less than a paragraph.
I had the same idea and chuckled at myself. And then later at @eschereal.
I’m more a fan of
Cameras Catch Conflagration Cause, Constables Convey
Or “Cameras Catch Comically Confused Criminal Causing Conflagration”
“Cameras Catch Comically Confused Criminal Causing Conflagration: Cops”
“Concealed Cameras Catch Comically Confused Criminal Causing Conflagration, Cops Claim Convincingly”
Poor Linotype operator is gonna run out of upper case Cs.
Secret Surveillance Spots Suspected Spark-Setting Saboteur, Says State Security.
Better?
I think you meant:
Secret Surveillance Spots Suspected Spark-Setting Saboteur: Sherriff
Remember the 1935 Variety headline, ‘Sticks Nix Hick Pix’?
Alas, I can’t come up with anything similar.
Linotype machines became obsolete over 40 years ago, old timer. 
So did humor, I guess. I almost rolled my eyes into the back of my head.
British man has his beloved car stolen. He is so distraught about his loss that he goes out and finds a very similar one to replace it. After noticing some oddities, he discovers that he bought back his own car (the VIN had been somehow faked to look different).
It seems a bit harsh to call him stupid. The people who know about such things said it was one of the best clone job they had ever seen. It seems like the stupid people were the ones who left all of his stuff in the car, so that he could discover the truth. Without that, there would have been no questions and no investigation (which apparently has not yet borne fruit).
Am I the only one hearing Biggus Dickus saying this?
Woman accuses paraplegic (9 months after the alleged incident) of kicking her door down, assaulting her and then fleeing on foot. Police believe her rather than the guy who’s been in a wheelchair for 25 years.
He finds out there’s a warrant, comes to the police station to inquire, gets thrown to the floor, accused of faking it and arrested.
$500 fine.