Due to various things I’ll not bore you people with, I’ve managed to make it through 2 years of college without coming across any people I can call when I’m bored and ask if they want to hang out.
I did do all the stuff they advised us to do when I was a freshman - I joined clubs I was interested in, went to parties if they looked fun, studied in groups, etc. (Although last semester I had a schedule that was so difficult I’d come home on Friday nights and just stare at the walls, then start homework for next week. The kind of semester where you feel guilty about taking two hours off to go see a movie. I am not going to do that again.)
So I’ve got acquaintances, yes, and a pretty varied circle of them, but how do you go from “acquaintances” to “friends?” Especially now that it’s summer and a lot of people have left town?
Heh, my full-time job just ended and I don’t know what to do with myself. :smack:
Can’t really help you. I spent six years at college without making a single friend there. I met some cool people, hung out occasionally, but there’s not a single person I met through college that I still hang out with. Or can even remember the name of, now that I think about it.
On the other hand, about two years after I graduated, I started taking classes at the local community college, and met a guy. It was love at first sight, but in a completely heterosexual way. (At least, I think it’s heterosexual…) Clicked on a very deep, basic level. This was maybe a year ago, and this summer we’re going to Europe together.
Anyway, my advice is call up one of those acquaintances and ask if they want to hang out. If you do this often enough, Presto! they’re a friend.
Alternatively, start taking classes that require group efforts. I was an English major when I was at State, and all I did was sit in my room alone, reading and writing. At the community college, I took film classes, and had to work with a bunch of different people, many of whom turned out to be excellent friend material.
IMHO, it is hard to come across good friends, or at least develop good friendships, in a party/group environment. The few really good, call at 2 in the morning to see if they want to go to waffle house friends that I have been fortunate to aquire have come in much more intimate conversations which arise naturally when two people can talk without the pressures of a crowd. YMMV
If you just need someone to talk to, that’s what we are all here for.
I’ve re-read that and it doesn’t even make sense to me. Hmm. Getting late.
I hung out with a lot of people in college, and still have a few friends from that (or those, since I went to two diff. schools) days today. Mostly, they were guys I met in my dorm and/or fraternity.
You might consider joining a fraternity. Situations like yours are why they were invented in the first place. Look around at the ones on your campus; they’re not all just a bunch of drunken jocks. Certain frats attract certain types of people. Shop until you find one you feel comfortable in.
In addition, recognize that getting close friends is not easy. My experience told me that it mostly involved giving away my friendship to everyone I met, until I ran into someone who returned it in equal measure. I can count my good friends on one hand, and one is my brother. You might consider learning to enjoy being alone, or at least being comfortable with it. (I know, easier said than done.) But the poise and self-confidence that comes from being comfortable in your own skin will serve you well in the future.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but at 42 years of age, I have exactly four close friends - friends that care about me for me and will spend six hours on the phone just talking about nothing in particular. Friends that carry on parts of conversations that were interrupted ten years ago as if it’s been ten minutes.
The several hundred other people I know are simply acquaintences.
Is real, honest to goodness friendship still even possible today?
Daowajan, don’t give up hope. Initiating activities is a good idea. Is there anything- a hobby, or an interest- that you’re really into? That type of thing can be great for meeting people.
For what it’s worth, I’m impressed with your dedication to your academic workload. It’s refreshing to hear that a college student hasn’t thrown away opportunities to learn, in exchange for a ‘social life’ that consists of getting wasted and getting laid. (And probably getting a new STD.)
I don’t have any stunning words of advice, but keep in mind that life moves in circles. Everything is a cycle. This might just be a Down period in which you don’t feel connected to many people. Things might change soon for the better, and I’m willing to bet that they will. Mostly, I just wanted to tell you that I wish you the best of luck.
Given how busy you’ve been, I’d bet there’s a strong chance people who’ve wanted to just hang w/you figured you wouldn’t have the time. Don’t fret - do some initiating! Or go down to the Rathskeller & enjoy having a minute to yourself!
Madison! sniff sniff ! I can almost taste the Bahn Thai pad thai (east side location only!).
The problem with seeking out people who have similar interests is that my interests are mostly solitary stuff - since school ended I’ve read maybe 7 or 8 books and am working on some writing practice. And no, I’m not about to join a club where you read a book a week and talk about it - that’s what I do every day when school’s in session.
It’s the 2 AM Let’s Go to Waffle House kind of friends I really miss having, and while I know deep down it’s probably a temporary situation, a lot of the fun stuff I’ve been doing, like biking around town, feeding ducks, watching movies, kind of feels self-defeating because I’m doing it by myself all the time.
Example: I’ve always wanted to rent a canoe and take it out on Lake Mendota for a day, but I’ve never gotten the opportunity to do this because a canoe requires 2 people. Heh.
And for what it’s worth, this last semester was a maximum courseload not because I’m a very dedicated student but because I had a bunch of horrible, horrible, horrible general ed requirements, like Remedial Math and Intro to Logic and English Lit pre-1800, that I never wanted to see again, ever. I’d much rather have been getting wasted and getting laid than reading Sir Edmund Spenser, but them’s the breaks.
I’d much rather have been getting wasted and getting laid than reading Sir Edmund Spenser, but them’s the breaks.