On Turning 50 Alone

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

It’s easy to be unhappy. But sometimes on the way home from work, which can be a stressful commute, I force myself to think, “Well, this stretch of road has been pretty good. No big slow trucks, no knuckleheads in Hondas, smooth sailing.” You’ve got to think about the good things in your life, and not focus on the bad. Unhappiness is a feedback loop; the more you think about being unhappy, the easier it is to be unhappy.

And a hobby sounds like a good idea. May I suggest building models? I belong to three different model clubs (each with a different focus) and the guys in them are, almost without exception, easy to talk to and friendly. And you get the satisfaction of having built something cool; I think we all have a desire to do creative things, to accomplish, and model building is a excellent way to create.

42

I don’t have any answers for you, since we have never met, however, I am close to your age, my background circumstances are similar in many ways.

I have found that getting out helps a lot, try going to your local college and taking up something you have never done before, you will meet all sorts of folk in all sorts of situations, take up cordon blue catering, or sports coaching, anything at all.

Just get out and do something you have not done before, do something that makes you feel nervous.

43

I had a post last night, but it got eaten. You don’t know, and may never know, how many lives you’ve bettered and how the world is better because of you. There are many kinds of loneliness in this world, and people who look or seem like they’ve ‘got it all’, often don’t. Some peoples’ troubles show on the outside, and some peoples’ don’t seem to show at all. But they’re there. Alone is hard, and aging is hard. It’s easy to say “count your blessings”, but that doesn’t always ease the ache and the questions about why life turns out the way it does.

There is lots of wisdom in this thread, and I don’t know what I can add to it, except that as long as there is a tomorrow, there is hope.

44

Come to think of it, working with young people might be a better idea than my idea of working with the elderly. So many kids love animals and I know how much Papsett loves her animals. Perhaps the local Big Brothers/Big Sisters can match you with a kid who loves animals so you could let them play with your pets or take them to a zoo or something. You can help the next generation grow up to be less jerkish than the people you deal with on the phone.

45

Glad you’re feeling a bit better today, PapSett.

In some respects, I’m like you in that I’m single, live by myself and work an off shift. I don’t really have the time to get lonely though.

To add to what some of the others have said: volunteer work is cool. I’ve done Meals on Wheels, distributed mail and done activities at the local VA hospital, I do a papercraft hour with clients of a rehab center once a month and am doing work on a couple of political campaigns. The people that you meet are from all walks and often share some of your interests.

Hobbies are another thing to fill time. Find something that makes a spark in your soul. I get out the cameras on occasion, do papercraft (some of which I sell), sketch and dabble on the fringes of the music business. Even the activities that are pretty much solo pursuits give me perspective on my personal relationships.

Look within and outside, the world’s waiting for you to explore it.

46

Happy Birthday!

:):):slight_smile:

47

Get out of the house. Have that beer at a bar, instead of at home. Next time someone at work invites you somewhere, go with them. Go see a movie (but not The A-Team. I heard it’s bad). Pick up the house and invite someone over.

But really, get out of the house.

48

Which doper is wishing you feel better? 2 thumbs to chest This one is. Hang in there.

49

I just wanted to pop in and let y’all know that thanks in part to all the encouragement I have gotten here, I called an ad today to take riding lessons. The stable also does handicapped riding lessons and after I get my experience back, I will see about volunteering to help with that program.

Horses are my big love in life; I have been horse-less since 1986 when my horse broke my arm and I was unable to care for him any longer. I have maybe ridden 2 times since. I have not felt whole.

This is a step in the right direction.

50

PapSett, good to hear you are going to do new things. I wish you well.

I am in the same boat - also not where I had hoped to be at this stage of my life.

A few years ago I realized something: I had made misery my comfort zone.
I got out of it - now I feel well (and I have good friends). One thing I did was to always do new things. Every day I do something I have not done before - some days only to walk down an unfamiliar street from work or to browse in a shop I always pass by. One day last week I made do with running down the 500 m track I train on, in the wrong direction that time.

What’s with your joint pain, by the way - a medical condition or just lack of activity? I have found even moderate exercise cheers me up (once I changed my mindset to having exhausted myself = success). Taking up riding again sounds good.

51

Awesome! A favorite piece of advice I’ve used/heard in fresh divorces (stick with me here, it’s relevant)

Is that you need something uniquely, selfishly, yours. You spend so much time with emotional baggage and injuries, and doing other things for other people, that you’ll go crazy without something that’s yours to look forward to.

Same thing applies here.

52

My joint pain is initially arthritis, and since it hurts to move around, I am inactive, which makes it hurt to move, so yeah, it’s a vicious circle.

I am so excited to go see about the lessons… I can barely sit still!

53

PapSett - YAY!! Now don’t forget, I promised to pay for your first riding lesson! I know that being around horses will be good for you in body and soul.

StG

54

Aren’t those people wonderful? Whatever your problems are, at least you are grounded in reality, right?

If you enjoy writing, perhaps these experiences are your muse. A way to work out your frustration about your job and channel it.

Other than my dog, who is very handsome, you have the cutest dogs on the Dope.

55

Well, that made me laugh. So, thanks for brightening up my day a little.

When I get down I try to remember what my mom told me a long, long time ago: as bad as you think you may have it, or have it, there are about a billion people who pray and dream about having your life.

I try to keep that in mind.

In the meantime, Happy Birthday. Now go for a walk and be around nature. That always helps me, too.
Oh—by the way. I’d give anything to be able to draw and paint. I’m jealous of those of you who can.

56

This might not be the ideal solution, but have you considered an MMO? Those things are like crack

57

As some of you know, I tend to “shorten” people’s nicks to something “cute”, and most of the time I get away with it, but being that you feel the way you do, I’ll skip it, PapSett, my friend.

I too, spent my 50th alone and it sucked doubly as much because I was born on New Year’s Eve.

I am very romantic, and seeing couples kissing each other to welcome the New Year just tore me up if I happened to be at a party, so I chose to stay home and get drunk, conduct my Beethoven, play some Buzztime trivia and finally go to bed.

But this isn’t about me, it’s about a good Doper friend who’s having a tough time and I am sorry that you are/were.

You’re doing something I did on my birthday: I reached out to my Doper friends and asked them to see the new year in with me, and some of y’all did. I apologize that I don’t remember (and I’m too lazy to look it up;)) the names, but weren’t you one of those folks, PapSett?

What I mean to tell you is this: I am here for you and you don’t have to be lonely if you don’t wanna be. I too have arthritis. It was just in my hands, but now it’s in my neck, and night before last it hurt so bad I stayed awake groaning all night long. D had to work the next morning, so no way was I going to wake her up, and so I suffered in silence in the adjoining bedroom. I wish I had had someone like you to chat with - just about anything at all, anything to take my mind off the pain for a little while.

So, if I can help you through those dark times, I will. Send me a PM and we’ll set something up, either on the computer or on the phone. We’ll help each other, okay?

“But you’re married!”, you’re thinking, yes?

Doesn’t matter. I love D and she’s a wonderful companion, but I still have a loneliness: I miss my memory - the short term one - and so I lie awake at night and reminisce about the early days of my life in Germany.

So grab onto ol’ Quasi whenever you need me. I’ll be there for you.:slight_smile:

Q

58

Papsett,

I read your post and I’ll be sending my prayers your way tonight. I’m sorry things haven’t turned out the way you hoped.

59

Horseback riding??? I’m jealous!!:wink:

That’s terrific. Go you!

I tried to post the German Chocolate cake, but it kind of got squished. Sorry about that…

Hope the horses are the start of new and better things in your life. Even if it’s just a new view from a higher saddle.

60

PapSett - When is your first lesson?

StG