I don’t know about these other guys, but Tisibone took the words right out of my mouth. Some time ago I got my hands on the following “Anti-Chain Letter”, it has proven very effective at getting the point across to some of these clueles morons:
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people
who actually believe that if you send on, then that poor 6 year old girl in
Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have
it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send “his” email to$1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh,
lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I’ll get laid by
every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit.
So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out
there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started
by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims
on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it’ll be in the
Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant
If you’re going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
amusing. I’ve seen all the “send this to 50 of your closest friends,
and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a
nickel from some omniscient being” forwards about 90 times. I don’t
Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually
contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it’s your own
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
Make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they’ll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
Wasn’t that fun?
Hope you made a great wish
Now, to make you feel guilty, here’s what I’ll do. First of all, if you
don’t send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped
by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It’s
Because, THIS letter isn’t like all of those fake ones, THIS one is
Here’s how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will firebomb your house.
Thanks!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs,
no parents, and no goats. This little boy’s life could be saved, because
for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little
Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and
remember, we have absolutley no way of counting the emails sent and this
is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out.
Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not
as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:
pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack
in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood
of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell
nasty, she died.
This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell
and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.
This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this
letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and
your breath smells like you’ve been eating catfood
A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re as ugly as a hat
full of assholes,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you’ve soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
your sad, sad life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think
you should be raped by mad chimpanzees, then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the
check and leaves and doesn’t speak much English… no, sorry that’s the
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants
his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don’t, you’ll never have sex ever again.
The point being?
If you get some chain letter that’s threatening to leave you shagless
or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it’s funny, send it
Don’t piss people off by making them feel guilt about a leper in
Botswana with no teeth, who’s been tied to a dead elephant for 27
years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he’ll receive if you forward
this mail,otherwise you’ll end up like Miranda. Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you’ll have to look at