I hated getting forwards from friends, because I always felt like a piece of trash for not responding to the “If you’re my friend then you’ll send this back,” letters. Then I realized that my friends never noticed whether I had answered their idiot email or not, which wasn’t surprising since they typically sent it to 17 million people. Or maybe it was 8. Anyway, a real friend of mine wrote this and sent it to me about a week ago. I think it captures all the sentiments expressed on the board rather nicely. I have started sending this to anyone who forwards me stupid email and it has worked wonders. I haven’t received a chain letter in almost 4 hours! I apologize for the length of the letter, but it’s worth it.
Hello, my name is none of your business. I am suffering from seven rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being
mauled by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion
chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, that a poor 6 year old girl in Texas with a potato growing out of her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her parents sell her off to the traveling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send “his” email to $1000? How stupid are you? I guess
stupid enough to believe that you will recieve a $2 billion shopping
spree at Abercrombie & Fitch… Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down
this page and make a wish, I’ll meet the girl of my dreams tomorrow! What a bunch of junk. So basically, this message is directed to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil letter leprochauns will come into my house and write “I’m a moron” on my forehead in permanent
marker in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by a
knight of the round table and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it’ll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. If you’re going to forward something, at least send out something mildly amusing. I’ve seen all the “send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being who will somehow receive a nickel from my pet gecko” forwards about 90 times. It’s getting old. Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it’s your own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
Make a wish!!! No, really, go on and make one!!! Oh please… they’ll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!! No, I’m sorry, we’re out of ponies at the time being!! Have you forgotten why you’re scrolling yet? STOP!!! Wasn’t that fun? Hope you made a great wish Now, to make you feel guilty, here’s what I’ll do. First of all, if you don’t send this to 5,096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be kidnapped by ninja elves and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It’s true! Because THIS letter isn’t like all of those fake ones… THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here’s how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed with you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be
annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be annoyed with you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will toilet paper your house. Thanks!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2:
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy’s life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Leg-less, Arm-less, Parent-less, Goat-less Boy
from the Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the e-mails sent and this is all a complete load of junk. So go on, reach out. Send this to 59 people in the next 47 seconds.
Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people,
you will die instantly. Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3:
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no e-mail then and probably not as many sad e-mail addicts with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 seconds or something horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Friday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
crack in the sidewalk, fell into a sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe
in a flood of crap, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died, too… This could happen to you!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his e-mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil that was dropped by a plane that just happened to be flying directly above him.
This could happen to you too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of
your friends. “Friends”
A friend is someone who is always at your side…
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink like dead fish, and your breath smells like you’ve been eating cat food.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you can’t juggle.
A friend is someone who thinks your pants look like they were made
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life…
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think
you should be ran over by a steamroller and then thrown to vicious dogs…
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums, and then gets the check and leaves and doesn’t speak much English…
(-no, sorry that’s the cleaning lady…)
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don’t, no one will like you for as long as you live. I mean it, as long as you live. The point being? If you get some chain letter that’s threatening to leave you friendless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it’s funny, send it on. Don’t annoy people by making them feel guilty about a leper in Otswana with no teeth, who’s been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only chance of living is the 5 cents per letter he’ll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you’ll end up like Miranda. Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know…
otherwise you’ll find all your socks missing tomorrow