If, as you say, it’s things like earrings, etc. that you plan to wear, then may I suggest an alternative? Instead of asking for a “gift” as such, perhaps if someone in the family has a pair you would like to use, you can ask them if they could be your “something borrowed”. That way you get the use of them and don’t come off looking too greedy.
Keep in mind, too, that about five minutes after the wedding this will all be as irrelevant as anything possibly could be. However, I still say that if someone asks you what you want for your birthday, it’s okay to say “toasting glasses, please”.
Actually, after a certain age, it would probably be a relief to the giver to have an idea of what to give you.
As the others have said, asking for gifts is tacky.
But, if your close family consults each other about gifts already, then why should this be any different from any other year. If your mom asked you last year what you wanted, and you said “a karaoke machine,” and then she askd you again this year, and you said “toasting glasses,” what would really be the difference?
What on earth are toasting glasses, anyway? (I imagine big safety goggles that you would wear while preparing toast, but I hope I’m wrong.)
I’d say it depends on your relationship with your family & friends and whether this would be an acceptable practice in general. Sounds like you already do this kind of thing, so I don’t see how it matters what you put on your list.
I don’t think it’s at all tacky to tell people what you want for birthdays or whatever, if they ask. I don’t see why naming items to use at your wedding would be any different than naming items that you’d use at home or at play or whatever.
Now, if you were talking about running around and handing everyone you know a list of ‘things to get me for my bday & Xmas’ without waiting for them to ask, that would be tacky. Doesn’t matter if you want wedding stuff or anything else. But that doesn’t sound like what you’re talking about.
<chuckle> Toasting glasses are the special, decorated with ribbons, engraved with your names and wedding date glasses that the bride and groom drink their champagne from. Sometimes the B&G will drink with their arms linked as part of the cake-eating Kodak moment. It’s one of those wedding-industry inspired traditions (unless you’re Jewish and break the glass afterwards, but that’s different). Generally everything on the “cake table” is special engraved utensils people use on their anniversaries thereafter.
In my family, responding with general, price-appropriate categories when asked “What do you want for Christmas, dear?” is not rude. But that’s us, and my sister-in-law thinks we’re all MAD (hahahahahaha!) so YMMV.
I vote for Mucho Tacky
One word:
Tacky
Zette
Depends on the family IMO and IME. My family - no problems with answering honestly when they ask what I want for my birthday. My SO’s family give me money every year (and believe me that’s a relief compared to the objects they’d otherwise give me).
But in other families, it would be tacky.
Featherlou, I don’t think this is an etiquette question. I think it’s about how your family operates and only you can answer it 
Hmm, good call, Primaflora. I think you may be onto something there. It didn’t seem too tacky to me, as we already consult on gifts, but the general consensus seems to be “mucho tacky”. With that in mind, I will not broach the subject myself; I think I will ask my Mom and sisters what they think of my idea if they ask me what I want (which they always do). Thanks, everyone, for your input.
OK, now that featherlou’s question is settled, I’ve got to ask those who call “tacky”:
If someone asks what I want for my birthday, why is it “tacky” for me to tell them what I want? That is pretty much what featherlou was talking about, and I don’t understand why y’all think there’s a problem.
Or is it only tacky to ask for items for a wedding? And if so, why? At least some of you seem to think it’s OK to ask for help in obtaining those items, or to ask for the folks to purchase those items as their part of putting on the wedding (if they’ve agreed to do so) - but for some reason, it’s wrong to let someone kill two birds with one stone and give these items as occasion-gifts. Huh?
Or is it tacky for them to even ask? And why?
Or what?
I truly do not understand where y’all are coming from. Expiring minds want to know!
FTR: in my immediate birth-family, we often ask for suggestions from the giftee for birthdays, et cetera. It is not required for the giver to ask, nor is one compelled to follow said suggestions, but we do it all the time. We consider it the appropriate and courteous way to do things, inasmuch as it often makes the whole exchange more satisfying all around.
In my extended birth-family (aka grandparents, cousins, etc.), this was verboten. I thank all existent and non-existent deities yearly that we no longer exchange gifts with those people (an arrangement that my sister and I fought long and hard to achieve).
In my family-of-choice, we always ask for an ‘I want’ list. Then gifts are usually (but not always) chosen from that list (if any; my family gets tres annoyed with me because I usually say “I dunno” - I’m trying to compile one for this year), to go along with other gifts of the “you’d never ask for this, but I think you’ll like it” nature.
This is not tacky at all, as previous posters have pointed out.
I think you’ve misunderstood. It’s not tacky to let someone who knows your needs and wishes give you anything as a gift. That is, actually, very thoughtful on the part of the giver. What’s tacky is calling up Aunt Suzy and giving her a list of what you want for Christmas. The idea is, if Aunt Suzy should be moved to get you a present, because of her great affection for you, etc. it will be entirely her idea. If she wants to be sure she gives something you’ll like, and asks you, that’s fine, because it comes from her, and from her desire to please you. Your giving her a reasonable answer is obliging her, not demanding that she give you a specific gift. If she decides to get you a set of Precious Moments figurines instead of what you really wanted, you thank her sweetly and remember that it truly is the thought that counts.
Asking people what they want is practical, and not tacky. My family has always subscribed to the hit-and-miss method, which requires one to be alert all year trying to spot what someone might like or want. On Mr lestrange’s side, his mom calls everyone and asks what they’d like. Then you call her and ask her what others want. Even after 7 years, I’m never prepared for this, and feel awkward with it, but it’s very practical, and not tacky.
Well, I don’t know about you folks, but the only people who continue to give me birthday and Christmas gifts are my family and very closest friends, and I honestly feel that the rules of etiquette are considerably loosened when the situation is en famille.
For our Christmas gift exchange, we all tend to offer hints to our spouses and siblings (“if anyone asks you what I’d like for Christmas, I’d really love some of those ornament things you hang on the stem of wine glasses so you can tell whose is whose.”) We are all then free to ask the spouse or sibling “Do you know what Mary wants for Christmas?”, and if we choose to get it, we know that we will be getting her something that she likes. If we independently come up with a totally different idea, however, that’s fine too. No one ever pouts because they didn’t get the gravy boat they asked for. Now that we’re all spread out across the state and only see each other a few times a year, we really welcome the hints so that we can get someone we love something we know that they want and will really use. (The only problem here is one brother in law who insists that all he wants is a gift certificate to Bass Pro Shops or Cabela’s. His in-laws can’t be trusted to buy him anything that would remotely be of interest to him.)
So, if it’s offered in the form of a hint (to allow those who love you to know what would really please you) rather than an ultimatum (“Here is the invoice for your gift. Please note the size, style, and color specified.”) to your family members, I see nothing wrong with it.
To avoid getting off on the wrong foot, however, I would suggest that you hint only to YOUR close family members what you want, and he hint only to HIS close family members unless you want to offer ammunition for tacky in-law gossip.
By the way, some of you guys really need to adjust that setting in your profile that specifies how much your time zone varies from the Chicago Reader’s time zone.
Either that, or there’s some very weird temporal displacement stuff going on in this thread.
lestrange & YWalker - thanks. That’s the way I think, too. If someone asks, it’s OK, but telling people what to get you (uninvited) is out. That’s still not the way I read some of the responses here, though. However, since no one else has replied I guess I either misunderstood or I’ll just have to stay unenlightened.
A lot of ours is distance - since some of my family is far away, it is better (IMO) to ask & get them something they’ll like & use then to guess wildly and miss. And it works even for some local family that we just don’t see very much.
One of my spice goes so far as to circle a variety of appropriate items in a catalog & give it to Mum. Her idea - she doesn’t have to go shopping, just make a phone call. 