We’ve got no such problems down here. Wanna come for a visit? Prepare to drive slowly, by the way.
Houston here. A couple of things.
Yes, it’s hot. If you don’t have access to air conditioning, you will probably die. Come down during the coldest days of your winter: It’s like spring down here. Very pleasant.
Keep in mind that Houston’s spread out wider than a two dollar whore: You’re going to be doing a lot of driving (OR bus riding) around here. If you’re going to be doing your own driving, get a map, learn how to signal, and GET OUT OF THE WAY (Doesn’t that sound familiar?).
Freeways intimidate you? Understandable. Try riding in the feeder lane as it’s much slower, Fuckleberry.
And for God’s sake, get a map! I guarentee you’re gonna need it.
I tried. Had some terrific Greek food, and then we ate Italin. After two decent meals I was running out of meal money. If you didn’t ask people to take out a fucking second mortgage to buy a small entree you’d have fewer people in McDonald’s. New York practically gives the food away by comparison.
I admit that after just 48 hours in London the tourists were driving ME crazy. And I was a tourist. Especially, for some reason, the German tourists. To a German, everything is Poland.
Dear Jarbaby,
XTN got it right. Chicago is a driver’s town.
In New York, the right to jaywalk was handed down to us by Fiorello LaGuardia himself. Park in Weschester and hop on Metro North.
Vulvaface.
On this we are agreed. I will walk in the middle of the street in NYC, you will yield to traffic when you come to Chicago to visit me
(did I say that out loud?)
bring it, pussyshovel. This sexual tension between us is making me swoon 
Spavined, self involved? give me a break. The tourists come here and expect us to bring our fucking lives to a screeching halt so they can enjoy the hustle and bustle. I’ve got news for them. I work on MICHIGAN AVENUE…the MAGNIFICENT MILE. Let me say it again…I WORK there. I do not have the seemingly endless vacation time to come and wander the streets, preventing working people from getting where they’re going.
I would NEVER presume to go visit a city without first familiarizing myself with the layout, the transportation or sights. I’ve been to NYC, London…both of those places I had no trouble…because I DON’T ACT LIKE A TOURIST. I walk fast, I keep to the right, I have my map if I need it, and I use the subway. I learn a little something before I show up.
Actually, it’s because there’s no such thing as someone in DC who isn’t a tourist. Hell, even the people who ‘live’ and ‘work’ there claim they’ll be moving out any time now.
But one disgruntled note:
There are many monuments to the war dead. These are hallowed grounds, places of reverence and rememberance. Places where those who survived come to mourn.
FUCKING SHUT UP AND SETTLE DOWN. Don’t bring a thirteen year-old who’s just going to play loud music on his boom box. Don’t bring a five year-old who just runs around and screams. Don’t chat idly about the weather. Be there, be quiet, be reverent. Otherwise, don’t bother showing up and being a pest to everyone who’s there for a reason.
You are all welcome to come to Boston/Cambridge area. We all already drive like assholes, pedestrians know deep in their hearts that automobiles have automatic-people-sensing-devices to prevent them from being run over, and the subway stops running, conveniently, before the bars close.
Just don’t ask for directions.
“Oh, you want to get to Comm Ave from here?”
~“Yes.”
“Well, hmm. Lemme think. Well, you could go…no, wait, how about…well…[insert about ten minutes and fifty street names before finally getting somewhere].”
~“So I just follow this to Harvard, turn right onto Harvard, then left onto Commonwealth?”
“Yeah.”
:rolleyes:
No, none of the streets go straight. Get bent, or get over it.
Once again, let me reiterate…I’m glad you love Chicago. And yes, our theatre is plentiful and entertaining…
BUT SWEET HOLY JESUS CHRIST IN HEAVEN WITH ALL OF THE ANGELS…pull yourselves the fuck together and get yourself a plan! Here is a newspaper, it’s called THE READER, it is FREE, it is on every fucking street corner in the city. READ it.
I just spent an hour in line trying to get tickets for a play tonight while Mr. and Mrs. Clitnibbler from Eau Claire asked the attendant what EVERY SINGLE PLAY IN CHICAGO is about, and whether it was GOOD, and whether it was near a restaurant, and whether their kids would like it and how much it costs and how long it runs for…and meanwhile, I missed having lunch. When I was fully prepared to just say “Two for Passion”, hand over my ALREADY COUNTED OUT CASH and go back to work.
It all comes down to one thing. ** DO SOME RESEARCH**. I’m trying to plan a trip to San Francisco for NEXT summer, and I’m already reading up on how to get around, where to stay, what to see, what it costs. I’m going to do my fucking best to assimilate. Is it too much to ask that anyone else do the same?
One might reasonably wonder where I’m going in such a big-ass hurry. Well, see, I am a professional investor. The fund I work for has as shareholders not some off-shore mega-institution or the Kennedy family, but about 50,000 moderate-income savers, and my job is to see that the portion of their retirement money that they have entrusted to me is well taken care of. Those 50,000 people and their gesture of trust are the most important thing in the world to me.
Maybe you have some money with me. If so, be glad – our team has beat our category’s index 10 years straight. We were one of only 6 fund groups to make a positive return in our category during the bond bear market of ’95. If I do good, my customers get to retire, buy the big Winnebago and tour the country. If I do bad, they take a part-time job as a crossing guard to make ends meet. Doing a good job means being smarter, more prescient and yes, faster than my competitors.
So yeah, I’m in a big-ass hurry.
And that money is invested in real, live companies. Companies that I can help if they get in difficulty but still might work in the long run. Not too long ago, I was in a big-ass hurry to meet with the management of a company that has, among other things, a money-losing plant in a rural location. Maybe not far from where you live. After I got comfortable with the turnaround plan and approved a forbearance agreement, management and I were in a big-ass hurry to meet with the bank lending group to convince them not to pull the liquidity plug and not to force management to close that plant. Not one of the ~100 people who work in that plant will ever know who I am or what I did. Nor should they – I kind of like it that way. But I bet if they did know, they would be glad that I am a self-absorbed grade A twit who was in a big-ass hurry to keep that production of [air-conditioners/specialty gears/vinyl cove/offshore-drilling connectors/actual product deleted] in the United States.
So keep that in mind, small-town. If you ever come to New York, and some guy or gal in a big-ass hurry mows you down because you are standing in the middle of the sidewalk looking up, remember that the person has to get into that pretty building to make sure that the book you want to read on the beach this year will actually be in the bookstore, or that your state government can borrow the money it needs for that highway expansion, or that your insurance company stays solvent even after the Mississippi has its third annual 100-year flood. Basically, the same stuff you probably do, except that you get to do it without a million moron tourists impeding your progress. So move your ass.
And enjoy your stay.
And jarbaby? [I redacted something that I probably ought not say to a married person.]
Oh, but why? Now I’m all curious. And I certainly know a little bird who will be sending me angry email before the day is over…
Oh well, I’m off to GO BACK TO HOT TIX to see if I can’t get myself to a musical tonight.
I hope to make it back safely.
jarbaby
When your officer’s dead
And your sergeant looks white,
Remember its ruin
To run from a fight…
I have a lot of trouble seeing this thread as anything more that a bunch of Yupies sitting in the corner howling for the edification of anyone within ear shot “I am very imporntant. Anything I have to do is vastly more imporntant than anything anyone else has to do. My life isn’t perfect so I think I will have a temper tantrum, right here, right now.” For Christ’s sake, grow up, live with it, quit making a public nuisance of yourself. Get over the idea that NYC, or London, or the cesspool at the south end of Lake Michigan was put there exclusively for your personal gradification.
See, now you’ve entirely missed the point of this thread. The point is that these cities are not there for your personal “gradification.”
Stupid hillbilly cuntsucker.
Actually, small-town, the dictionary is there for my personal gratification, apparently.
And you have it all wrong. Come on out to NY/LA/CHI/LV/Wherever! Have a ball! We didn’t approve the zoning changes for all those new hotel rooms so they could sit there empty, nor did we allow the city to paint little feet on the sidewalk because we want to take a walking tour. That’s all for your benefit, chief!
All we’re saying is that visitors should have some consideration for the fact that we live here and try to live a normal life. As XTNJohnson said, that subway entrance is essentially my driveway. Do not block it any more than you would want me to stand in front of your driveway while deciding whether to go up or down your street. Likewise, the taaaaaaal building you’re gaping at is my office. If I blocked you from getting to your office, I’d expect you’d be pretty peeved, no?
Major cities are not Disneyworld. There’s plenty to see and do, but they were not built for the specific entertainment of tourists, and the locals are not Mickey Fucking Mouse.
I should hope not! He’d be so sore . . .
And a small addition regarding the more local pests in NYC…
New York is cool. Exciting things happen. Most of the nation agrees with this statement. I’m glad you want to film your movie/documentary/TV show/real-life police drama here. It adds to the local economy and enhances the city’s already cool reputation.
But if you think Columbia campus is pretty, don’t block the ENTIRE CENTER WALK for an hour during class time for your fucking Streisand (sp?) movie! Have you ever heard of FINALS? Don’t ask everyone walking along Bleeker St. to stop behind the building edge at the corner, so that you can film NYPD without all these unwanted extras! In the middle of the day, no less. Do not presume that just because you WANT me to stay off your publicly placed set, that you have ANY RIGHT to stop me from walking down a public street. If you try and restrain me, I will have you arrested for assault. Period.
Oh - Streisand movie people? If your set security just tryed to make me go nearly a half mile out of my way while going to class on MY campus where I pay tuition, and then threatens me when I walk through anyway, I am not going to respond favorably when your staff something-or-other comes running after me because you would just LOVE to have a goth chick with knee-length purple hair as an extra. Did I mention I was on my way to class?
mischievous
Oh, and, I know I look unusual to you. I’m quite accustomed to stares, even in New York. But do not try to take a picture of me. It is extremely impolite to take a picture of anyone without permission, and I will tell you so in no uncertain terms. I do not like pictures of myself circulating without my control, and pictures taken for anyone’s use other than my own I consider a service, paid for in cash.
mischievous
Is this one related in any way to “asshammer”?
-hashiriya-
VarlosZ—Stupid hillbilly cuntsucker? Smile when you call me that. No out of towner expects one of the great cities to drop everything to accommodate the visitor. What is expected is that the visitor will not be abused at every turn, even when we have gotten the hell out of your city. We don’t mind being charged $100 for a $15 dinner every once in a while. We don’t mind being panhandled. We even don’t mind the snooty and superior attitude, once in a while. What we do mind, and resent, is being called names and regarded as an impediment to the flow of commerce when we have contributed a fair hunk to that commerce. I repeat, in language more in line with the tone of your post, the sun does not rise and set on your ass, jack off.
As for you, Manhattan, if the best wit you can muster is to criticize spelling, perhaps you should spend a little more time considering that there a fair number of people out here in the boondocks who put in their time in the city, including your namesake, who chose to get out of there before we had to raise a family under circumstances we were not ready to accept. You seem to be willing to put up with all the other inconveniences the city imposes on you, traffic jams, outrageous rent, bad air, under funded schools, crime, cowboy cops, demagogue politicians, general lack of privacy and human contact, why can’t you accept the presence of a relatively few out of towners in your midst? You are wrong, the locals are Mickey Mouse,a condescending, self important, fascinated-with-his-own-navel, Mickey Mouse.
NYC alone has a population of more than twice the population of my whole state. I claim no moral or intellectual, superiority because I don’t live or work in the city. I do claim the right when I do go into the city for work or pleasure to use the public ways just as the locals do and to be treated with civility while I’m at it. It is tempting now, however, to block traffic when ever I can just to cause you grief.C’mon down to Bawlmer!
That’s right, hon, we love our tourists. Lemmie show you around, let’s start in the Inner Harbor. See all this? Does it look familiar? it might, cuz cities all over, from Cleveland to boston, have been copying it. These two buildings are know as Harborplace. There’s lots of good food, and some really neat kitchy shops. Want more upscale stuff? Right there, on the other side of Pratt St., that’s the Galleria. Check out the Sharper Image store, for tons of stuff you just GOTTA HAVE but didn’t know you needed. You can walk, no problem, and we don’t care if you take pictures of the tall buildings, they’re kinda neat! Now, if you want a leasurely walk, with a killer view, I recommend Federal Hill. It overlooks the harbor, and we want you to take as much time as you’d like drinking in the sights. Before you go over there, come look here, in the water. See that? Those are fish! Yes, one of the 2 busiest harbors on the east coast and we got fish in the water! It’s clean, too, you should see how they do it. They got a waterborne version of a street sweeper, it’s really cool. New York? Why, I think they like having a river full of used condoms, but why anyone would want to fuck one of those arrogent assholes is beyond me.
We need to make a decison here, theres too much stuff to do. You a sports fan? Over yonder is the Camden Yards stadium complex. Oriole Park is THE model for new baseball parks nationwide, it’s been copied at least 6-8 times in the last 10 years. New Yorkers brag about Yankee Stadium, and it truly is hallowed ground ( It’s where the Baltimore Colts beat the NY Giants in 1958 in the greatest game ever played, after all), but these days even the Yankees want to move to New Jersey. That big purple stadium next door is the home of the World Champion Baltimore Ravens. Too bad it’s not a game day, you can feel the ground move from the cheers in the new World’s Largest Outdoor Insane Asylum. If culture’s more your bag, we got a world class symphony and an award winning opera at the Lyric and the Myerhoff. Great food in Little Italy, funky bars, cool music and fresh seafood in Fells Point, Blue Crabs, smothered in Old Bay, enjoyed with a cold beer watching the sun set over the water, historical ships, we got…eh, what’s that?
LOL- yes, you’re right, we got just as much stuff to enjoy here as you find in New York or Chicago, but there is a huge difference here. WE KNOW we’re a world class city, but we don’t let it go to our heads. After all, we may want to come visit you one of these days, and hope you’ll treat us like we treated you. Enjoy your stay, and if you have any questions, why, just ask any passerby. Generally, we’re glad to help, and friendly besides.
So, C’mon down to Bawlmer, the big city with the small town hospitality! Hope to see you soon!
Spavined Gelding said
[quote]
I have a lot of trouble seeing this thread as anything more that a bunch of Yupies sitting in the corner howling for the edification of anyone within ear shot “I am very imporntant. Anything I have to do is vastly more imporntant than anything anyone else has to do. My life isn’t perfect so I think I will have a temper tantrum, right here, right now.”
[quote]
I am not a Yuppie. I am simply a person with a job to do. That job involve giving service to customers. If you are blocking my way when I’m trying to get back to my game (which could cause me to be late from break, resulting in disciplinary action) or blocking the coctail waitress from getting to her customers to take their drink orders, you are interfering with my ability to service those customers. Oh, and I really love the way people just stand there with that deer-in-headlights look while I’m saying, "excuse me… exuse me… excuse me… excuse me! and trying to squeeze past without amputating my left breast on the edge of a slot machine. Get the hell out my my way, dammit! Or am I a whiner because I do not enjoy having my pubic bone smashed up against the wooden rail of a craps table by some idiot who doesn’t have the sense to stay out of the way of somone who’s waving a four foot bent stick, or the manners to give someone who’s trying to do a job a little breathing space?
Or maybe it’s my low tolerance for stupidity you object to. Look, I have a very fast-paced, complex game to deal. If you’re so stupid that you can’t figure out where you are by looking at the huge-ass neon sign before you enter, or the logo on the table you’ve been playing at for the last half hour (really, I’ve had people on a game for that long before they asked, then looked shocked because they thought they were in a different casino) then you shouldn’t be outside of the house without the attendance of somebody who has power of attorney over your affairs. I don’t need to have my brain-wave patterns disrupted trying to comprehend your idiocy.
And as for stepping of the sidewalk apparently oblivious to the moving stream of traffic on the street you’re walking into… Well, whatever happens to you is your own damn fault.