I apologize first, for using the non-PC terms white and black. It’s just easier.
My husband and I were having a conversation about a white friend who had a previous boyfriend who was black. She didn’t want her new (white) boyfriend to know about the previous (black) boyfriend My husband says that this is because once a white woman sleeps with a black man most white men won’t want to be with her hence the phrase “once you go black you never go back”.
(I always thought the phrase was a reference to the myth about penis size but that’s another question)
He says that if, while we were dating, it had come out that I had had a relationship with a black man, he would have broken up with me immediately. He didn’t have any explanation as to why this bothers him but claims that this is a universally held standard among men both black and white. He insists that most black men won’t date a black woman who’s been with a white man either.
So, my question is this: Is this really true? Do you guys out there of whatever ethnicity and skin color really feel this way?
White man cheching in here. It wouldn’t make a bit of difference to me, and I have have never thought a bit about until you brought it up.
It would have never occurred to me to even think about it. That doesn’t mean my opition is typical though. I am about as non racist as a person can get and am constantly amazed (disgusted) when I am confronted with racist attitudes in those around me.
On a lighter note, before this thread turns into a major flamefest (though I hardly think it should-it’s just a curious-albeit humorously silly- question), I think your husband’s got it wrong. My understanding is that the phrase is jokingly used to express that black men are stereotypically better endowed, and/or more sexually satisfying, than white men. Hence the phrase, “…you’ll never go back.” It doesn’t say “Once you go black, they won’t take you back!” He may not be happy to hear that, if he’s got such issue with other races, but there you have it!
Anyhoo, I have had several friends who have had relationships with members of other races, and no one thought twice about it, even though we live in the South-where stereotypically racial tensions are higher. I dunno. My SO slept with a black woman or two in college, and I could give a rat’s ass either way.
However, I’m female, and you did ask for a male perspective.
I can’t imagine him caring if I’d ever been with a black man,as long as I’m faithful to him now!
But that’s just me and my circle. I can’t speak for others. To each his or her own.
Velvet, I agree with you in that I always thought that the choice to stay was the woman’s due to the belief that blacks are better lovers then whites (what, with the sterotypes that white people have no rhythm, it makes sense). Being a white guy, it wouldn’t bother me if her previous boyfriend was black, white, chinese, whatever (unless he was a big anime demon with ten twelve-foot long prehensile penises, that would put me off). Personally, I have quite a bit of insecurrities, so most mention of any ex kinda gives me a funny feeling inside, but color is never the reason. It’s the always ending up as friends that’s the problem (if my ex is reading this, don’t take it personally, you know I’m just overly bitter )
I dated black guys, now I’m with a white guy and while he’s as far toward the “racist” side as I can imagine myself accepting, he doesn’t care.
Add it into the mounting evidence that your husband’s “universal standard” exists only in his mind.
As for the other way around, I had white boyfriends both before and after my black boyfriends. Haven’t met anyone who minded. Well, a couple of weirdos who minded while I was dating a black guy, but they can stuff reality into their pipe and smoke it.
Well, you’re right, my husband likes to make general assumptions based on his limited personal experience. He swears that no one he’s talked to has views different than his own.
I was never able to get him to say why it bothered him. He just kept defending his position by saying that everyone felt that way and the reason that I didn’t agree is that it’s different for women.
I wonder now if anyone else who really feels this way will have the balls to fess up.
I dated a black guy (I’m a white woman, by the way) right before I started dating my husband–who like Medea’s Child’s husband is about as close to being racist as I will accept–and he doesn’t care at all about it.
My dad wasn’t happy about it while I was dating the black guy(:rolleyes: ), but I really didn’t give a rat’s ass what my dad thought. I think he’s OVER the racist line, so I just figured it was his problem. Not mine.
I’ve dated girls that had previously dated black men. No big deal. All I care is that she be faithful to me while we’re together. Additionally, I’ve dated black girls, and my very white wife doesn’t care, despite having been brought up by bigots. Again, all she cares is that I’m faithful to her.
Well, as long as he’s open to other’s opinions. cough
Anyway, he’s got it wrong. He can feel however he wants to (albiet his POV is very stupid IMO) but he sure doesn’t speak for the majority of people I know – in fact, I can only think of very few who’d agree with him.
Velvet, love, your husband has his head up his ass. Nice of him to let you know how he goes about choosing a mate - how well do you really know this guy?
I’d never heard that expression interpreted in that way either… I just thought it meant that once you’d tasted the superior love of a Black lover, you wouldn’t be satisfied with anything else.
…although skin colour doesn’t even show up on my radar as a factor in determining the superiority or lack thereof of a particular lover…
This seems to me to have less to do with the quoted slogan and more to do with the social codes of deeply racist areas where a girl who voluntarily slept with a black man was somehow tainted. Think To Kill a Mockingbird
Well I’m sure I don’t have to point out that the husband of the original op has a narrow field of vision to say the least. However I have heard an alternate expression; “once you go black you can’t go back.”
But anyway another white guy checking in who doesn’t give a shit one way or the other.
I believe it. And because I believe it, I am sure it is a universally accepted fact and all my fellow men will agree with me. Even if they SAY they don’t, they do.
)
