I rescind my previous advice to move the Thanksgiving feast to Friday.
Ordering your future in-laws to cancel Thanksgiving merely to accommodate your vegan beliefs is incredibly dickish.
Happy dance!
That reason is even more stupid than the last one. Moving it to the next day doesn’t change that you’re getting together due to a calendar event that revolves around killing an animal. Hell, in England Sundays traditionally revolve around roast dinners - she’d have to avoid every Sunday!
Maybe she doesn’t actually want to come and is making up excuses.
Question, though: you mentioned that you wouldn’t be serving tofurkey. How come? I mean serving it to her, not to everyone. Do you just have a better vegan option in mind?
In this case, it’s clearly up to you to invent some new rituals, which celebrate the Killing of the Turkey, and also the Slaughter of the Pig. Read Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House in the Big Wood for details on the pig killing, as seen from the POV of a very small girl.
And again I say, it’s your DUTY to offend Causehead as much as possible, to show her SO just what a jerk she is.
I would think a straight-up traditional Thanksgiving menu isn’t too bad for vegans (obviously skipping the turkey itself), as long as some stuffing/dressing is cooked outside the bird (which some people prefer anyway) and butter is kept separate from potatoes, rolls, etc., and served at table. Turkey and butter aside, what’s left is typically still a bigger spread than most people have for dinner.
Yeahhhhh fuck that noise.
It’s safer. If stuffing is inside the turkey, salmonella can get into it, and may not get cooked enough to be killed. It’s also much easier to spoon stuffing into a pan than it is to stuff it inside a bird.
Cooking them separately also means that they don’t have to be done at the same time. Stuffing in a pan can be cooked almost all the way, then reheated in the oven at dinner time, without losing quality (we did this at Rosh Hashanah, and the stuffing turned out rather well, if I do say so myself). The turkey and the stuffing are two of the more labor-intensive parts (at least of our Thanksgiving dinner), so it is helpful to not have to do them at the same time.
It also means you’re not limited to the amount of stuffing that will fit into your bird. For stuffing lovers like me, this is a big bonus.
There would also have to be some vegan gravy, ideally, and the stuffing (or one of the stuffings, since people often have more than one kind) would have to not include meat, which many do. Some people also cook the potatoes in animal fat, but you could of course do a few in a separate pan. It wouldn’t be hard to do a vegan option - it just kinda read like the OP wasn’t very willing to do that, so I wondered.
Anyway, it sounds like it’d be better overall if this woman didn’t come, so the issue wouldn’t arise.
True. We celebrate the conquest of North America on Columbus Day.
Simply state the following “I have started planning for the gathering on Thursday and will be unable to change it now.”
yeah, horseradish and hemlock.
i won’t not cook it if it’s requested, but I don’t go out of my way to cook “meat like” products for freaks who have objectively asinine concepts about the human diet. i’m sure she won’t become protein deficient if she sticks to asparagus and yams for one night.
or maybe I should pull a gordon ramsay on her - cook some tofurkey and spritz a little essence of lard on it.
Now that’s making you sound almost as obnoxious as your relation, and that’s not easy!
I aim to please.
to properly answer: if that’s what she wants, we can make tofurkey for princess.
Although I doubt any real vegans would let meat-eating scum prepare their food for them, lest their precious veggies graze a meat product.
Tofurkey isn’t all that nice. It’s kind of like processed turkey loaf, and has a bit of a funny aftertaste. Frankly, I like the stuffing, dumplings, and gravy better that come with it, if you get the full dinner.
The last time I hosted Thanksgiving, I made a vegan dish in a (vegan) pastry crust, containing sauteed mushrooms and a decent brand, meltable vegan “cheese” for protein and stick-together-ness (plus as an attraction for any non-veg who wanted to test it out), and a mushroom gravy. But that was just for the veg people - me, my nephew, and a sister-in-law who was vegan at the time. Since it was an Italian-themed Thanksgiving, the veggies were made with olive oil rather than butter, and both butter and vegan buttery spread were available. And of course, I had a monster turkey for the omnivores.
Then again, none of the veg-types at the dinner were psycho hosebeasts who tried to enforce their beliefs on others at the dinner, so I don’t blame anyone who doesn’t want to go to those lengths for Causeheads.
First, I’m very sorry for being late to this fine Threadsgiving Posting, but I had a lot of really cool posts to read. And I must say, they really were quite delicious.
Second, I can’t imagine more reason for the OP’s family to give Thanks than one more family holiday dinner without the likes of Pocotantrums, who obviously must think that if she can wrap One Watkins around one finger, she has lots of fingers and toes getting cold for absolutely no reason. (PS- a wrapped anon book on the pleasures of masturbation could well be left on Jr Hard-On’s seat. But, it must be either totally anon, or signed by your entire family.)
Third, Hi Opal! (…could you pass some turkey please? Oh, that looks Fine! Thank You!!!)
Fourth, I wonder if Stamps-With-Feet realizes how easy it would be, once precident is set, for your entire family to refuse to celebrate a day that revolves around the eating & mating of a Beast…?
Oh, you know… Like Her Wedding… 
Oh, HELL no.
If this idiot gets away with this before she’s even a part of the damn family, I cannot IMAGINE the stress and suffering she’ll inflict on the family in the future.
And in that case, how would moving it change the nature of the get-together? Does she want to pretend that eating turkey and fixins on a different day than Thanksgiving ISN’T eating meat?
I have a lot of vegetarian and vegan friends, and NONE of them have ever acted like this. She’s probably a new convert to the lifestyle, in that over-zealous evangelical phase.
No, no, and no. “I’m so sorry you won’t be able to make it to our get-together. It would have been nice to spend time with you.” Then make turkey, and make sure that EVERYTHING has as many animal products as possible - cheese, milk, bacon, fish, whatever.
Just 'cause I’m petty that way 
That’s not true about ‘real vegans’ at all. This woman isn’t being a princess because she’s vegan, but because of her own personality.
Mind you, I can’t blame you for being angry when it looks like she might spoil a family get-together that should be fun. It sounds like, if she comes, there’ll be strife, and if she doesn’t due to you not wanting to change the day, there’ll be strife.
Perhaps she’s more accommodating in person - that happens sometimes. I hope so for your sake!
Your weddings are different to the ones I’m used to!
Not sure what causehead’s age is, but hopefully they’ll get over this type of attitude as they get older. This sounds like something a true believer picks up at college.
I (white) eat Thanksgiving dinner with my Native American SO every year!
OMG, I had this sister in law. She is now an ex.
Really, don’t give into this shit. This will be the dance you do for years, and if it isn’t this, its that. People like this LIVE to make you dance to your whims. It will be “lets not exchange gifts at Christmas” or “lets make sure everyone spends $xxx so that no one feels hurt.” It will be “I’m a vegan, what do you mean you don’t have vegan margarine! You are never considerate of ME.” It will be all about her diet, her political whims, her taste, her preferences. Its offensive for you to wear leather shoes around her, don’t you know she’s VEGAN.
Say “Thanksgiving is on Thursday at X time at my house. You can come or not come. I need to know by this date. I understand you are a vegan. I have this menu planned. Is that ok or would you like to contribute a dish or two?”
If your family would like to give into Causehead to keep the peace, say “great, not at my house, though. I’m not being blackmailed into pretending this isn’t Thanksgiving.” And if your family can’t handle blunt truth, say you have plans on Friday with friends. Then make some.