I’m a vegetarian and I would never dream of pulling shit like this.
However saying stuff like this makes me feel less sorry for you for having to put up with it - be angry at her because she’s being a total dick, not because of the specific belief that lead to that dickishness. She’s not a “freak” because she’s a vegan, she’s a jerk because she believes everybody else should rearrange their lives due to her being a vegan.
Count me among those boggled that Causehead is getting on a plane to not-celebrate a holiday he doesn’t like. I wonder what exactly he thought would happen… the entire family pisses about by themselves in their separate hotel rooms? And then everyone flies back, having been within the same city but not having seen each other? That’s just dumb.
Have dinner and hanging out as planned. He’s free to show up or not. I wouldn’t make a bigger issue out of it other than to make sure everyone knows what time dinner/hanging out starts on Thursday.
Okay, so this is a religious belief. So none of you options are good. You do exactly what you would do for any other religious belief. Those who want to partake can, and those who don’t, don’t. If they want to come for the family gathering, but don’t want to celebrate, that’s fine. No big. It’s what we do every Christmas with my Jehovah’s Witness aunt and uncle.
I am confused at all these people telling the objector to stay home. If she’s a future in-law, she has to come with the actual family member. I doubt she gets to opt out. From her perspective, she’s going to be part of family soon, so she has to start acting like it. Even my JW relatives will attend but not participate at Christmas. I see nothing wrong with this.
As for the family dynamic, making some concessions is nice, but I wouldn’t give up on the celebration itself. The tofu turkey think you say you might do would be a good peace offering, as would be not making a big deal out of carving the turkey. Take the high road, and you will come off looking good.
And I wouldn’t be adverse to merely talking to the other family members about it, to make sure you don’t come off as a jerk.
They don’t want to celebrate? OK, it’s not compulsory. Just stay away from everybody else’s parade, though.
I like the Thanksgiving holiday well enough- it is a nice long weekend and is good time to get together with family and eat traditional foods. Sometimes we have a shrimp boil or what not just to make it more interesting. I generally like to host at least one major dinner event a year, but…
… for the folks who have issues- I usually invite all the grownups and let them sort out their own issues. I can’t be held hostage to who-has-a-grudge-against-whom- this- year or who-has-a-political-problem-with- whom- this-year. Sort that out yourselves, I’m cookin’!
I know some of this won’t work, because everyone’s situation is different, but if another family member works retail you could adapt this a bit. This is the email I would send if my brother’s vegan girlfriend was pulling this:
“Hi, bro! Just want to confirm a few things about Thanksgiving dinner this year. I understand you and Veggie will be flying in late Wednesday night and staying at Mom’s. Can’t wait to meet Veggie! I’ve planned dinner Thursday for about 2 pm. You all can drive over early if you want to watch the game at noon, or just bring Mom and Dad with you at about 1:30. I understand Veggie is vegan, but I’m not all that familiar with what that entails, so here’s the menu I’ve planned. What dishes can I add to make sure she gets a balanced meal, or would you two like to stop by early to help with the cooking and add what you need? Give me a shopping list no later than Monday of that week…that’s when I’ll be buying the last minute stuff. Since Thursday is my only day off that week (I know, I know, I should get out of retail) I haven’t planned anything for that day, and you know Mom and Sis and Dave’s Alice do their Black Friday Shop til You Drop day, so maybe Veggie would like to join them, or hang out with you guys? No restaurants close by will be open Thursday…the Chinese buffet burned down last month and hasn’t reopened…but we’ve heard there is a great vegetarian place over in Mill’s Corners, right next to the yarn shop Mom loves (and yes, that is a blatant hint for you to pick up a gift certificate from there for her Christmas gift!) . Here’s their website address…reservations need to be made early if you want to go there Friday. It’s good to know that we will have something special to be thankful for this year as we meet your Veggie and welcome her to the family…and of course we are all thankful to see you, too!”
Stupid and cheerful is my new mantra.
Oh, it’s ON, baby. WTF?
Okay, in addition to all her obnoxiousness, there’s a purely logistical issue at play here. There are a lot more options for Friday than there are for Thursday. If you do not have a big feast dinner plus football plus booze plus the killing and eating of an animal, WHAT are you going to do instead? There are a few things open, but not many. In my neighborhood, you can’t even get pizza.
Also, if I may be so blunt, if my in-laws were descending upon my house for a long weekend, I would be plenty ready by Friday to have a nice “let’s get out of the house for while” activity. I don’t need two days of being cooped up in the house with them in a row. On Friday, you will be able to plan a nice activity that gets them out of your hair for a while. You could even be EXTREMELY GRACIOUS as a host and organize something for them to do on Friday, and then return to the house and have a meal that is perhaps more vegan-friendly than the traditional Thanksgiving dinner (but you know, still reasonable for everyone else, like ordering in a bunch of pizzas with different options, or Thai, or something like that).
Then maybe you could all watch some DVDs together, I suggest a line-up of Jaws, Old Yeller, and that crap movie with Val Kilmer about hunting down a lion.
This, exactly. It’s enough that Rumour is willing to have the clan over and to put himself out in making the dinner. Make the house available on the traditional Thanksgiving date, invite everyone, and get cooking in the kitchen.
I tried really hard to make it clear that I’m saying this with a very jocular tone. Lighten up, yo!
There have been lots of good suggestions, at least the ones that involve saying “Thanksgiving is Thursday, here are teh vegetarian dishes I will be preparing, along with the standard turkey and all the trimmings. Hope you can make it.”
My SIL (actually both of them) are vegetarians, and their cousin is a vegan, and there is never any kind of kerfuffle. They have however gotten over the “your meat is touching my veggie” panic attack though.
There are lots of families that have mixed religious beliefs. There are lots of families where one person (or a few people) are vegetarian/vegan and others are not. Some of us manage to work around these differences with a minimum of drama. No reason this person can’t learn to do the same.
You can opt out of holidays, if they really make you uncomfortable. I don’t go to my family’s Christmas celebrations any more, now that I’m Jewish (and I’m not comfortable doing Christmas just as a spectator, not yet, maybe someday).
Thing is, though, when you opt out of a holiday, you don’t get to demand that nobody else celebrate that holiday, nor do you get to determine how other people will celebrate a holiday. I’d be being a dick if I asked my family to stop celebrating Christmas. Or if I demanded that they get a kosher turkey and avoid dairy in Thanksgiving dinner at my parents’ house, I’d likewise be being a dick. If, however, I asked that some dishes be available with no non-kosher meat in them, that would be reasonable. It’s all about being reasonable and polite.
To the OP:
My response may have been over the top, but I really just meant it in a humorous way. It may be funny to think that boys will date anyone who’ll have them and that its the rest of the family’s job to chase off the ones they don’t like, but thats just in the movies; the real world just doesn’t work that way. In this crazy world, this girl may end up a sister in law. Once the initial hissing & spitting gets done, she may well be
‘cool beans’ too.
And for the OP’s family’s sake, I do hope so.
Its reasonable to do Thurs as orig planned & maybe make reservations out at a restaurant for Friday dinner with her as some very smart posters have suggested (a lot of people will be doing leftovers & economizing after over-doing Black Friday; you may find more privacy than you’d normally expect at a restaurant). Or, as some other smart posters have suggested, to have her bring some prepped dishes and some raw materials with recipes that the whole family can make together, as a team project, in the kitchen. Personally, food has always tasted best to me when I [del]caught it[/del] made it myself.
You never know (nor do I); you may really like this person.
Possible suggestion for dinner toast:
“Its wonderful to have the whole family here together at one table, and I’m especially happy to have _____ here. We’re going to try a lot of new dishes tonight, and while it may be different, once we give them a chance, I’m sure we’ll all find what we like best. That said, I’m opening this nice bottle of wine, of which I assure you no animal was harmed in creating. And I raise my glass tonight to toast Family.
And to wish that no one here be harmed in this feasts partaking.”
it is a bit sad that the first picture i got when i read your achtung post was sarah palin standing in front of the guy killing turkeys, giving a speech about sparing a turkey. oy!
i may be a bit off, but i didn’t think that the main point of thansgiving was about killing and eating a turkey. i thought it was about getting together with family, friends, neighbours etc, and being thankfull for the blessings that have been given.
on most tables the non meat things out number the meat (usually just turkey) things. what about all the poor pumkins that were killed for pies?
Which is what Thanksgiving basically is. It’s a chance to see and be with your family.
Yeah, I don’t get it either. Does it make a difference if teh bird is killed in ritual sacrifice one day later?
And bits of my family are vegetarian and it doesn’t cause any issue around Thanksgiving. We have a boat-load of food of various kinds so that everyone eats happily.
Beg yer flippin’ pardon?
Okay - I wish I had seen this before I had posted. Change my vote to 1 - Causehead is an idiot.
I wonder if Causehead could rent a helicoptor nearby and help some turkeys fly to their freedom.
Parties happen when the party host decrees. If the host wishes to celebrate thanksgiving on thursday, then causehead and his/her SO are free to decline the invitation if they wish. If they still wish to have a family meal they can host one themselves at any point in the year they wish.
If the host wishes to celebrate thanksgiving on June 3rd / or “I like turkey but hate pilgrams day” on December 1, any invitees are free to accept or decline as they wish.
Frankly my personal opinion is that causehead wants to both have their cake/cause and eat it too. Which is childish and silly… but may people are childish and silly.
My roomie is a vegan and he looooves Thanksgiving. He loves to eat. The week before, he starts buying all his Tofurkey and broth-less fixins and storing them in our fridge. Then he and his vegetarian gf spend the day at his mom’s with all of his vegan food and mom’s turkey and her boyfriend who probably killed the turkey that morning in a not-so-nice way.
He’s happy to eat and happy to spend time with his family. Frankly, he’s better at Thanksgiving than me!
Causehead is just an annoying person. Not an annoying vegetarian.