One day in the Brainstorming Room of the Cafe Society

Cafe Society
21

Kid Czarcasm gives up trying to get through to his fellow Dopers… Must be a case of mistaken identity after all, he thinks, which makes his presence on this train all the more frightening. He walks anxiously to an empty seat.

“Excuse me,” he says quietly, “Is this seat taken?”

Slim glances at the boy, then across at the seat recently vacated by Max Montreal, thanks to his mad dash from the cabin, following Everet’s revelation. “No one sitting there now. Set yerself down.”

By now, the writers have very little sense of who they really are, where they came from, or what they’re supposed to be doing. And though Jeff Olsen and LookitMe have given up and lost themselves entirely, the others still have a vague idea that they are in the wrong world and have to get back where they came from. After a long moment’s puzzlement over Baker’s half-formed suggestion of re-writing the story, jeanster finally understands.

“Re-write the story!” she cries to the others, “re-write it. The story we were writing! Remember, how we were writing a story? It was about… um…” She shakes her head with frustration as she can no longer remember what they were writing in the first place.

Fortunately, kingpengvin can recall that aspect. “About card players. Slim McLeod. Cunningham. Cross-dressing… They were on a train. This train!”

Those who retained some vague memory began piecing together what they had lost, but it was slow going, as they kept forgetting more and more.

RealTronic, who had been pretty quiet during the furious efforts at memory-refreshment was watching the other passengers. Something was amiss. A man had rushed out. He hadn’t come back… And his seat had been taken! RealTronic suddenly remembered writing it - writing Max Montreal’s hurried exit. But his seat should still be empty. That teenager shouldn’t be there. Because… Because… RealTronic’s mind was working feverishly.
“Because Max has to come back!”

The outburst catches the others’ attention. “What did you say?” FairyDust asks slowly, not quite remembering what they’d been talking about in the first place.

“Max Montreal ran out - I know, I wrote that part! But his seat has to stay empty; he comes back in later. But there’s someone in his seat now. He can’t come back! The story’s changed!”

[sub]author’s note: I hope I don’t have any writers’ genders wrong. If so, sorry![/sub]

22

Frank the janitor whistles as he enters the Brainstorming Room of the Café Society. He empties the trash barrel and dusts the top of the conference table. Kid Czarcasm had just vanished from that room two seconds before Frank had opened the door to clean the room.

Frank peers at the carpet to see if it needs a thorough vacuuming. He is relieved to see it only needs a quick going-over. Last week he was disgusted to find that someone had been clipping his or her toenails in that room. Frank never complained to anyone about that. But it amazed him that some people would actually do that outside of their own bathroom.

There is a knock at the doorway. Frank turns to see a stranger clad in a dark hooded robe.

“Can I help you?” asks Frank.

“I seem to have misplaced something valuable here earlier. You didn’t happen to see a jade medallion shaped like a phoenix in here, did you?” asks the stranger.

“No, sorry. Have you checked over at the Lost and Found Department?” Something about the stranger makes Frank nervous, but he doesn’t know what.

“I think you’re lying. You stole my medallion, didn’t you? Hand it over!” The stranger approaches Frank who backs away.

“You’re wrong, mister! I never saw any medallion! And I’ve stolen anything in my entire life!”

A moment later down the hall Czarcasm who is searching for his son hears a scream that is suddenly cut short.

“Did that come from the Brainstorming Room?” he mutters out loud.

23

That sentence should have read:

“You’re wrong, mister! I never saw any medallion! And I’ve never stolen anything in my entire life!”

24

Kid Czarcasm realizes he is thirsty. He has not had anything to drink since breakfast. He notices someone drinking a sarsaparilla and wonders where he can get one, too.

Wyatt notices the boy staring at the sarsaparilla. He points at the train steward to indicate where the boy could get one.

Kid Czarcasm searches for money in the pockets of his unfamiliar clothes. He finds he is penniless.

Wyatt smiles. He calls for the train steward.

“One sarsaparilla for that young boy, please,” says Wyatt. He hands the train steward a coin.

25

The story is good. Please continue

26

*Wyatt pauses again to look at his sarsaparilla … wow, what a rush he thinks. * I could * feel *some other gods taking control of my fates … Like being able to * Hear * the rattle of the dice as some assembly of gods rolled them in a game of cosmic fate! … K e w L … **

Oh, Steward? Bring me about 4 more of these, Please?!??!

and then he watches the Kid to see if the seemingly harmless herbal soft drink has any descernable effect on him …

27

Czarcasm enters the Brainstorming Room and finds Frank the janitor lying on the floor.

The stranger clad in the dark hooded robe is standing beside Frank. He rushes toward the doorway, pushes Czarcasm aside and bolts down the hall.

Frank moans and slowly opens his eyes.

Czarcasm asks him, “Are you all right? Who was that?”

“Don’t know. He was looking for some medallion. Accused me of stealing it.”

The stranger almost collides with a young man who appears from around a corner. He smiles in recognition.

“It wasn’t there,” says the hooded stranger.

“I could have told you that,” says the young man. “Something has gone terribly wrong. Our sources tell us the Jade Phoenix Medallion has transported a boy into the other world. This boy could inadvertently change the timeline and disrupt the natural flow of order there. It might not even be possible to set things right.”

“It’s not just the boy. Those other people from here who don’t belong there might screw up the timeline, too. Then you and I would disappear as if we never existed,” says the hooded stranger.

“Oh, gee, you think?” replies the young man.

“Sarcasm is not becoming on you, Siang,” says the hooded stranger.

Lee Mai Siang smiles back and ignores the remark. “Let’s go.” He takes hold of the hooded stranger’s arm and they both instantly vanish.

Czarcasm arrives seconds later and finds no one in the hallway.

Kid Czarcasm smiles and nods to Wyatt to express his thanks for the sarsaparilla. He sips his refreshing beverage. Delicious, he thinks.

The young boy looks at his train companions who politely smile.

“My name’s Cunningham,” says the one of the men. “Sheriff Tom Cunningham. And these folks here are Mr. Abner “Slim” McLeod and er, um, ‘Miss’ Everhsham. The sheriff decides to let Everet decide for himself if/when to reveal his true gender to this boy. “What’s your name, young fella?”

Before Kid Czarcasm can answer, a hand suddenly darts in front of him and snatches the medallion from around his neck, breaking the clasp of the chain.

“Hey!” says the boy.

His train companions are just as startled by what just happened.

Without the medallion around his neck, Kid Czarcasm loses his memory of his real life. And because he is so much younger than the writers who are now aboard the train, his memory loss is much more rapid. In mere seconds he believes he belongs in this other world in the 1800’s.

Lee Mai Siang quickly turns and runs down the aisle, the medallion now in his possession. He ignores the shouts of the others ordering him to stop.

He joins his companion, the hooded stranger. To the surprise and confusion of the passengers and train crew, the two of them exit the train.

They roll and tumble down a hill, then stop and watch the train disappear from sight as it continues on its way to San Francisco.

28

“Now what?” the hooded stranger asks Siang. “Why didn’t you use the medallion to send the boy and those others back to their world?

“Their memories would still remain lost. How would they manage back in their own world while thinking they really belong here? They would most likely end up locked up in some mental institution. No, we can’t do that. The other members of our team are working on a way to fix that problem. Meanwhile, I return the medallion to its rightful place in the temple.”

29

“Aren’t you going to stop the train?” the sheriff asks the train conductor after the two strangers jump off and roll down the hill.

“I suppose we should,” says the conductor. He turns to notify the engineer, then stops and looks confused.

“Where was I going?”

“Beats me,” says the sheriff. The memory of Siang and the hooded stranger quickly disappears from those on board who had seen them.

Kid Czarcasm turns to the sheriff. “You were asking who I am,” smiles the boy. “I’m Jesse. Jesse Carter.”

“Pleased to meet you,” says the sheriff. “Wait a second. Not THE Jesse Carter? Also known as Kid Czarcasm? I met your father during my travels. Sheriff John Carter.”

“Pa told you about me?”

“He didn’t have to. Word about the famous Kid Czarcasm travels fast around these parts. It’s a honor to meet you,” says the sheriff.

Slim looks puzzled. “I’m afraid word about you hasn’t reached me, young fella. I’m Abner McLeod. Friends call me ‘Slim’. Sheriff, why is young Jesse here so famous?”

“Yes, Sheriff,” says ‘Miss’ Everhsham. “Do please enlighten us.”

Kid Czarcasm blushes modestly.

30

The train ride goes smoothly from then on until it reaches San Francisco, with the exception of the attempted train robbery. The outlaw gang who attempted to rob the train was stopped single-handedly by the famous ** Kid Czarcasm ** who is now busy signing autographs for his adoring fans aboard the train, including the writers who lost their memories.

31

Wyatt nods a “You’re welcome” back to the nice kid. And feeling Quite giddy, as his intuition reels with the rapidly changing fates, he flags down the steward again.

Oh, Steward, please bring me a Case of this refreshing bevera … no, make that 2 cases … no, I’ll take All you’ve got!

*thinking he didn’t want to be without a stash® of this stuff that seemed to be rockin’ his world! rock on, world Which, in itself, was an interesting thought to have here in the 1800’s … thinking that, Wyatt settled back to sip and think and look out the window … and wonder about those two figures he imagined rolling down the grade, out here in the middle of nowhere … *

32

grumble mumble hamsters mumble grumble … wouldn’t @#$!ing post on time … timing … must fix … grumble …

… and wonder about those two figures he imagined rolling down the grade, out THERE in the middle of nowhere … pausing between sips to smile over the fact those silly robbers just took the mail and money chests and stuff, but never Noticed the stack of 16 cases of sarsaparilla he had stashed® behind his seat.*

33

does a Dobby Elf head wack for reading comprehension! “train robbery foiled by Kid” … duh …:smack:

sorry:(

34

The hooded stranger and Lee Mai Siang discreetly observe the scene below from a rooftop in San Francisco. It is the train station. The Pacific Flyer has just arrived. Passengers are getting off the train and collecting their luggage.

“It seems a shame to send the boy back to his real world,” says the hooded stranger, “for he seems to be very much in his element here.”

“Yes. But he has obligations back home, as do the others trapped here.”

“Hard to believe that their safe return home hinges solely on the outcome of a mere card game,” says the hooded stranger.

“Not just a mere card game,” replies Siang. “The biggest card game here in San Francisco. Shall I go over the details with you once more to be sure we have a clear understanding of how this will work?”

“Yes, please do.”

“It boils down to good versus bad. Abner ‘Slim’ McLeod and Big Deke will be the two remaining players in the game. But the stakes will be raised. Big Deke still wants revenge on McLeod’s friend Everet. They will agree that if McLeod wins, he not only wins the pot of money, but also Big Deke’s promise that he set aside any plans for revenge against Everet permanently. But if Big Deke wins, well, let’s just say you would not want to be in Everet’s shoes.”

“What of the boy and the writers trapped in this world?”

“I was just getting to that. If McLeod wins, then they will disappear from this world and reappear back in their world. They will have only a vague memory of having been here and will believe it to have been only a dream.”

“I like it.”

“So do I.”

35

Siang notices a paper sack that the hooded stranger is carrying.

“What have you got there?”

“Oh, nothing special.”

“Did you go shopping while I was away putting the Jade Phoenix Medallion back at the temple?”

“What if I was?”

“Show me what you bought.”

“It’s nothing, really. Just some souvenirs of this world.”

“You know I won’t stop asking you until you show me.”

“Right.” The hooded stranger sighs. “Very well.”

He opens the paper sack and removes the contents:

  1. A dime novel featuring the living legend Kid Czarcasm
  2. A Kid Czarcasm action figure
  3. Hi, Opal

Siang smiles.

“Don’t make fun of me,” warns the hooded stranger.

“I won’t. Well, let’s make sure McLeod makes it to the big card game.”

36

Aw, don’t feel badly, Wyatt. At least you’re participating in this thread. I’m glad you’re here. How do you like it so far?

I’m not good at card games, so I think I’ll let Jeff Olsen and/or any other writers here post the chapters that actually describe the card playing between Slim and Big Deke.

37

“Oh, Porter! Could you help me with these 16 boxes up to my hotel room?” calls out Wyatt

Suddenly, Sheriff Cunningham pauses as he’s getting off the train. “Say, Fella, What cha doin’ with all that sodie pop?”

“Ohhhhhhhhh … I … Just … Like … it …” says Wyatt nervously.
thinking he’d better buy himself a couple of congressmen before they make the stuff illegal and start something silly like “a war on sarsaparilla.”

38

Thanks for the welcome, Lookit. I appreciate it. Was hoping it was ok for me to just butt in, a little bit, as the wandering observer. Mucho thanks to you and to FairyDust for makin’ me welcome! tips hat … Plot devices? we don’ need no stinkin’ plot devices!

39

You’re welcome, Wyatt. Of course it’s okay for you to add to the story. I don’t think any of us consider it ‘butting in’. I’m delighted you want to be creative and have fun adding to this thread.

By the way, I think it’s interesting that this ‘behind the scenes thread’ (as Jeff Olsen calls this) has received way more views than the actual thread on which it’s based (“The Continuing Adventures of Slim McLeod”).

40

As the porter helps Wyatt with his 16 cases of sarsaparilla, they hear a loud explosion.

“Uh, that wouldn’t be your hotel, would it, sir?” asks the porter as they turn toward the direction of the Palace Hotel.

Wyatt replies, “Well, dagnab it! Now where am I going to stay?”