…after jusr under 30 years of being in a relationship nearly continuously.
Not sure what brought the lonliness on so suddenly.
It’s bad tonight. The whole spectrum of being single and alone. Kiddo went to his mom today, won’t see him until next friday.
I don’t miss her, per sé, but I do miss having a woman around, someone to talk to, even about mundane crap. The physical touch, from just touching or holding hands all the way to…well, you know. I guess I could go hang out with some of my guy friends, but it just makes it worse when I’m like this.
Somebody tell me a joke or something, anything to help cheer me up a little, please.
Dorkie, my pal,
Remember when you in the middle of changing your Doper name? I told the lil’wrekker about it. She came up with a unique (and I thought very cute) name for you. Do you remember?
Well, I was with her the other day on her birthday and I looked at my phone at one point as she was chatting her mouth off. She stopped and asked was I talking to ‘Chazzieboi’, I have no clue who she thinks you are or where I could know you from. I had a good laugh about that. You’re double safe from anybody around here ever knowing. Because they don’t even know your real fake name on the Dope. Everytime I think about it I giggle.
I got some more. Before my Daddy died he was visiting my house. We sat around and he said something about how absolutely lonely this place is. We discussed it for a bit. I admitted I got lonesome when the lil’wrekker was at school and Mr.Wrekker was off on one of his jaunts.
Daddy went home. Life was just cooking along. A few days later I got a package in the mail. A book “Dealing with Lonliness’. Ok. A self help cliche’ of a book. I perused but never really read it. A few more days pass and I get another package, a book, ‘Lonliness, a guide for Women’, never cracked open. WTH? Daddy.
A couple of weeks later another package, a book ‘The Cougars guide to Lonliness’ kind of a joke book. Dammit Daddy!
I called him and said “Don’t buy me anymore lonely books, you’re starting to depress me and it’s making me feel old.”
He swears he won’t buy anymore.
A few weeks later I get a package, a book 'Party like you’re Popular”, a young persons guide to popularity. O.M. freakin’ G.
I called him and just said “Why?”
He said he didnt want me to feel old and unhappy. The book title sounded happy to him. I doubt he read the book jacket when he bought it. Silly man. This is my sibs favorite story about me and Daddy’s relationship.
Moral: lonliness is on bookstore shelves, in many varieties.
Divorcing after 36 years of marriage here. I feel ya. I’m 98% happy about the change, even have a wonderful new lover I adore, but… I’ll be in the car with the music on, and Randy Newman starts singing “It’s so hard, living without you” comes on and I’m wrecked.
I have no jokes, but random youtube videos have gotten me through some lonely nights. Old SNL videos, funny cats, Dido … those work for me. Seriously, a few videos are a far better guilty pleasure than too much to drink/eat/smoke, and can really help. Whatever brings a smile/some solace, check it out.
Take care and remember you are not alone. Plenty of people get divorced, live to tell the tale, and recover fully. I wanna be in the fully recovered group, let’s hope you are too. It’s okay if it takes time to get there.
Another thing to remember is that you don’t actually have to be any more unhappy than you really are.
We get a lot of social pressure to be in relationships, to think of relationships as our only true fulfillment, to despise ourselves as lonely unwanted losers when we’re not in relationships. But there’s no reason we have to accept those attitudes as valid. It is possible to be genuinely happy alone, and the first step towards that is recognizing that you aren’t obligated to believe anybody (not even yourself) who tells you it’s impossible.
OP, I’m not saying that you can’t feel unhappy and lonely or that you should deny your feelings. I’m just saying, don’t get too fixated on the notion that you’re supposed or doomed to be unhappy and lonely because you’re alone.
It’s okay to be okay with being alone, short or long term. Accept your present unhappiness, but also accept that with time and effort you can eventually get over it and become happy, whether you’re alone or not.
Watch a Steven Wright video. His take on the world is always funny. “I have a friend who’s a DJ. Whenever we walk under a bridge, I can’t hear him talk.”
One great way to fill your quiet nights is to do some sort of group workout. Take fun classes like Zumba or kickboxing. You’ll get a great workout and be smiling the rest of the night. Take two classes if you have lots of time. One thing you’ll notice is that you’ll see many other people in the same classes time after time who are in the same exact situation you are. It’s pretty easy to start chatting and make casual friends. Just don’t treat the place like a meet market since that can be creepy.
Think of other things where you can go as a single person and hang out or chat however you feel. Maybe trivia nights at a bar, where it’s fun to watch even if you don’t talk to anyone. Game nights at comic book stores. Volunteer for events in your city like park cleanup, running race planning, and stuff like that. With things like those, you’ll be exposed to lots of people and friendships can form very easily and naturally. Build up a library of things you can do on your own so that you don’t feel like you’re dependent on a friend to go with you. What will probably happen is that you’ll develop friendships at those places and you’ll see them when you go.
