Heard of buffalo? Of course I’ve heard of Buffalo, I’ve even been there once.
Never make an enemy of someone who buys ink by the barrell.
There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can’t.
Ah, I just remembered my favorite and perhaps most appropriate one (in re the OP):
“Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.”
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
a few of teh funny:
if it ain’t broke, yer not tryin’ hard enough
i don’t suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it
sobriety is overrated
i may be over the hill, but at least i’m picking up speed!
the world will end tonight at 10pm, 10:30 in newfoundland
It takes 42 muscles to frown at someone, but it only takes 4 to extend your arm and whack them in the head.
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” ~ Albert Einstein
“Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn’t have to experience it.” ~ Max Frisch
“I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure – that is all that agnosticism means.” ~ Clarence Darrow, Scopes trial, 1925
“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.” ~ Mae West
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” ~ Douglas Adams
“Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.” ~ Mark Twain
“The first rule of magic is simple: Don’t waste your time waving your hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do.” ~ McCloctnik the Lucid
“There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.” ~ Dr. Who
“Writing is easy: you just stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.” ~ Gene Fowler
God is real, unless declared integer.
“Nothing can happen in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it.” ~ Dana Scully
“My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.” ~ Christopher Morley
“Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.” ~ Robert Firth
“The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.” ~ Paula Poundstone
“A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.” ~ William James
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
“Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.” ~ Emo Phillips
98% of all statistics are made up.
“After taking the test and failing it three times, I thought to myself, ‘Maybe I’m not meant to be an I.Q.’” ~ Anna Chin-Williams
“A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor.” ~ Victor Hugo
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Although it’s true that you have your whole life ahead of you, remember that the term “life” is not duration-specific.
There are three things something you say can be: honest, necessary, or nice. If it isn’t 2 out of the 3, then you probably shouldn’t say it.
“There is hardly anything in the world that someone cannot make a little worse and sell a little cheaper - and the people who consider price alone are this man’s lawful prey.” ~ John Ruskin
“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” ~ Henry David Thoreau
“The ability of our minds to imagine, coupled with the ability of our hands to devise our images, brings us a power almost beyond our control.” ~ Joan McIntyre
Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everyone agrees that it is old enough to know better.
“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” ~ Flora Whittemore
“The worst sin toward our fellow creature is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that is the essence of inhumanity.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
“Music is a moral law- it gives wings to the mind, a soul to the universe, flight to the imagination, a charm to sadness, a life to everything.” ~ Plato
“Never look at the trombones. You’ll only encourage them.” ~ Robert Strauss, on conducting
“There’s nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.” ~ J. S. Bach
“Music is the science of manipulating emotion through sound.” ~ Angus Gray
“Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.” ~ Thelonius Monk
“Music washes from the soul the dust of everyday life.” ~ Berthold Auerbach
“A family is like a loaded gun: if you point it in the wrong direction, someone’s going to get killed.” ~ Belle & Sebastian
“For those that understand, no explanation is necessary. For those that don’t, no explanation will suffice.” ~ H.B. Zachary
Opinions are like onions, but with more letters.
“A little footling is relished by the wisest man” - Willy Wonka